Homebrew Peter Griffin Garfield Species Details

 

Oh god oh **** what is that abomination?

— Rhazar Hashel, Knights of the East

Legend tells that Peter Griffin Garfields are among the oldest beings on the planet. Being among the oldest races, Peter Griffin Garfields are shrouded in myth and often excluded against by the other races. Perhaps it is because of this that they strive to conquer and enslave as many living souls as they can. Or maybe they feel like they have a reputation to upkeep, and that’s why they build their accursed empires on the foundation of conquest and lasagne. Whatever drives them, Peter Griffin Garfields have an innate desire to kill, maim and destroy.

Bloodthirsty

With their desire for blood and conquest, Peter Griffin Garfields are all extremely similar in appearance. A Peter Griffin Garfield will always stand 4 feet tall and weigh 60 pounds. Peter Griffin Garfield’s skin is a pinkish colour, and their fur color is always a vibrant orange with some black stripes. Peter Griffin Garfields also have some brown hair on top of their head. Humans are born as adults and can live for millennia. Female Peter Griffin Garfields are biologically and mentally the same as male Peter Griffin Garfields, they just use a different word. Sometimes a Peter Griffin Garfield will refer to it’s sex as a ‘Peter Griffin Garfield’. They seem to have a strange sense of humour, often trying to kick dogs, refer to people as ‘Lois’, or slaughter villages.

Evil Incarnate

Peter Griffin Garfields are very sure of themselves and rarely trust other races. They all have the same goals but to varying degrees. When they want something, they go and get it, racking up as high a kill count as possible along the way. Peter Griffin Garfields usually live in caves or citadels taken by blood, but rarely stay for long. They live fully in the present, making them well suited to the hunting life. Peter Griffin Garfields are rarely seen in groups with other Peter Griffin Garfields, however, rarely a Peter Griffin Garfield will become overwhelmed by wanderlust and quell its genocidal whims and go exploring with groups of adventurers. Peter Griffin Garfields are apex predators, and they stay alert for baked meat-based goods wherever they go.

EVERYONE'S WORST NIGHTMARE

Suffice it to say that Peter Griffin Garfields do not get on well with other races. Many attempts at genocide in the past have been barely thwarted or narrowly avoided, creating an almost global hatred towards the Peter Griffin Garfields, which is reciprocated quickly and easily.

Humans. "I pity them and their puny lifespans. By the time they’ve done anything meaningful their lives are nearing their end. The only meaningful impact they’ve made on any plane of existence is the creation of lasagne.”

Dwarves. “I admire their bravery, when combined with their infatuation with citadels and fortresses can make for an entertaining hunt. I have no need for their trinkets and weapons.”

Elves. “Elves are the main reason starting forest fires are so fun. I cringe at the way they waste their longer than average lifespans on peace and artesian work.”

Halflings. “How can Halflings live their entire lives tending their gardens and blending in? I cannot recall many Halflings that have achieved anything notable.”

Peter Griffin Garfield Names

A Peter Griffin Garfield’s name isn’t so much as chosen as it is a constant of the multiverse. To this day there has not been a Peter Griffin Garfield named something other than Peter Griffin Garfield. Despite this, they may let a chosen few refer to them as a nickname derived from their name, such as ‘Peter Griffin’ or ‘Peter Garfield’.

Male Names: Peter Griffin Garfield

Female Names: Peter Griffin Garfield

Peter Griffin Garfield Traits

Your Peter Griffin Garfield has the following traits.

Ability Score Increase

Your Strength score increases by 2, and your Dexterity score increases by 1.

Age

Peter Griffin Garfields are born as adults and can live for millennia.

Alignment

Peter Griffin Garfields are usually chaotic evil.

Size

Peter Griffin Garfields are always 4 feet. Your size is Small.

Speed

Your base walking speed is 25 feet. You can also levitate with a base speed of 1 feet.

Languages

You can speak, read, and write Common and Abyssal. Peter Griffin Garfields typically learn the languages of other peoples they deal with.

Mondays

Mondays grind at your spirit. You have a disadvantage on Charisma checks and saving throws for the duration of the day.

Hatred Incarnate

You gain proficiency with the following skills: Arcana and Intimidation.

Annoying Joke

Make an annoying joke and impose Disadvantage on the target current or next roll. You must use this feature before knowing whether the roll succeeds or fails. Once you use this trait, you can't use it again until you finish a short or long rest.