You create a type of cheese of your choice (can differ per attack). You throw the cheese as a ranged spell attack. You can describe which type of cheese (for example, mozzarella balls, a cone of grated parmesan, a hot gooey stream of nacho cheese from a far-off dimension's movie theater, moldy bleu cheese crumbles, or even the stinky wave of muenster cheese) and how it attacks, but its effect is in all other ways identical to the Chill Touch spell. Make a ranged spell attack against the creature to assail it with a cheesy attack with style points for description and puns. On a hit, the target takes 1d8 necrotic damage, and it can't regain hit points until the start of your next turn. Until then, the cheese clings to the target.
If you hit an undead target, it also has disadvantage on attack rolls against you until the end of your next turn.
If the target has The Chill (that is, charisma of 17 or higher) it can regain hit points as normal.
This spell's damage increases by 1d8 when you reach 5th level (2d8), 11th level (3d8), and 17th level (4d8).
"The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, the cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it. Nobody threw it away. And so there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day.” — Chirag Gupta in the film adaptation of Diary of a Wimpy Kid
"The Chill keeps you from contracting The Cheese Touch." — The spell creator's 9-year-old son, as explained by his friends at grade school.
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