The Brown Note
3rd-level evocation
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: Self (30-foot radius)
Components: V, M (a recorder, pan flute, or brass instrument worth at least 1 cp)
Duration: Instantaneous
Classes: Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard, Cleric, Warlock, Druid.
Description
You play or project a hyper-low, resonant acoustic frequency that violently disrupts the lower gastrointestinal tracts of everyone nearby.
Each creature within a 30-foot radius centered on you must make a Constitution saving throw. Constructs, undead, and creatures that do not possess biological digestive systems automatically succeed on this saving throw.
On a Failure:
The Immediate Effect: The creature immediately, uncontrollably soils themselves.
The Mechanical Penalty: The creature takes 3d6 thunder damage, is poisoned until the end of their next turn due to sheer abdominal agony and profound embarrassment, and their movement speed is halved until they spend an action to clean themselves or change their garments.
The Social Toll: The creature has disadvantage on all Charisma checks until they take a short rest and bathe.
On a Success:
The creature takes half as much damage and suffers no additional effects, though they feel a deeply unsettling rumble in their stomach.
At Higher Levels
When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 4th level or higher, the thunder damage increases by 1d6 for each slot level above 3rd.
⚠️ Dungeon Master's Note
If a target fails their saving throw by 5 or more, they are also knocked prone as they double over in sheer defeat. If this spell is cast in a confined indoor space, all affected creatures (including the caster) must make an additional DC 10 Wisdom saving throw or become frightened of the smell for 1 minute.
The Schools of Magic
If you want to argue its placement at the gaming table, here is how it breaks down:
Evocation (The Primary School): This is the official classification. Evocation is all about manipulating raw energy—in this case, acoustic resonance and thunder damage—to create a violent physical effect. It follows the lineage of spells like Shatter or Thunderwave.
Necromancy (The Biological Argument): Because it directly targets, disrupts, and forces a biological function of the living body, a strong case can be made for Necromancy. It behaves similarly to Blindness/Deafness or Contagion by weaponizing a target's own physiology against them.
Enchantment (The Borderline School): If the spell included a heavy psychic component that forced the brain to trigger the bowel movement rather than low-frequency sound waves doing it mechanically, it would land here.
2. Who Can Learn This Spell?
Given the thematic nature of The Brown Note, specific magical practitioners are hardwired to discover or abuse this magic:
Bards (The Masterminds)
Bards are the undisputed masters of sonic magic. Because this spell requires a musical instrument component and relies entirely on acoustic frequencies, it is an absolute staple for the Bard list. A College of Lore bard would absolutely steal this via Magical Secrets, and a College of Satire bard would treat it as an art form.
Wizards (The Theoreticians)
Wizards—specifically those in the School of Evocation or School of Necromancy—would learn this through meticulous academic research into resonant frequencies. An Evoker would use it to sculpt the spell around their allies, ensuring only the enemies suffer the messy consequences.
Sorcerers (The Volatile)
Sorcerers don't study the note; they feel it. Wild Magic sorcerers are highly prone to accidentally discovering this frequency during a stressful magical surge. Draconic sorcerers with a copper or bronze ancestry (who deal with thunder/sound) might also manifest this naturally.
Warlocks (The Pact Keepers)
While not on the standard list, certain Patrons would absolutely grant this spell to a Warlock:
The Great Old One: Sending a frequency so alien and distressing that mortal minds (and bodies) completely fracture.
The Fiend: Purely for the cruelty, chaos, and humiliation factor.
Druids (The Circle of the Land - Swamp)
While Druids usually avoid pure thunder evocation, a Druid from a swamp environment might view this as a highly accelerated, natural decomposition process. They might style it as "The Call of Nature"—quite literally.
* - (2 Pinches of Feces)