School Of Phallomancy

Everyone always says wizards are *****. These guys took it to the next level.

Phallic Magic

At 2nd level, you no longer need to perform verbal or material components for any spells you cast (aside from a gold cost, if specified). The only thing required to cast spells is a single somatic component, being a hip thrust into the air.

The Hips of Arcanum

Starting at 2nd level when you choose this school, you gain the ability to perform a powerful magic dance. As an action, you place your hands either behind your head or curled at your sides, and hip thrust rhythmically, while a jazzy trumpet solo emanates from you. (Insert gif of Gandalf dancing meme.)

- While this dance is active, any friendly creatures within thirty feet of you gain a +1 bonus to their AC and a bonus to their saving throws equal to your intelligence modifier (minimum of 1.) Any hostile creatures within thirty feet of you have disadvantage on all saving throws.

- The dance lasts for up to ten minutes, and ends when you dismiss it or break concentration. If you are incapacitated but not reduced to zero hit points, the dance can still continue and the effects will remain.

- You can do this a number of times equal to your Intelligence modifier, and regain all uses of this feature on a long rest.

Irresistible Thrust

Beginning at 6th level, when a creature you can see within 30 feet of you makes an attack roll against you or creatures friendly to you, you can use your reaction to impose disadvantage on the attack roll, turning a potential hit into a miss. You suddenly thrust your hips at the attacker, gaining their attention and diverting their attempted attack roll. 

You must choose to use this feature before knowing whether the attack hits or misses. Creatures that can’t be charmed are immune to this effect.

You can use this feature a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus, and regain all uses when you finish a long rest.

Arcane Confidence

Starting at 10th level, when you cast a spell during your Hips of Arcanum, you use your bonus action to impose one of the following effects.

- You can impose disadvantage on saving throws made against your spells.

- You  may gain advantage on a spell attack roll.

Greater Thrust

At 14th level, your Irresistible Thrust has become a powerful feat of Phallic Magic. When a creature is affected by your Irresistible Thrust, it is forced make a constitution saving throw. On a successful save, the effects of Irresistible Thrust remain the same. On a failed save, the creature is knocked prone, and has disadvantage on all attack rolls, saving throws, and ability checks for one minute.