School of Neckbeards

Neckbeard wizards use their perfect media literacy skills as a source of power for their spells. This derives from correcting incorrect statements and getting one over on everyone else. Their main ideals or goals in life are to make sure that everyone knows that only their perspective on a given piece of media, and to make sure that no one will ever be able to get a girlfriend again (as revenge for their general unlikeable demeanor). Beware getting into an argument with one of these wizards; they worship the ancient gods Red'it and Ellen Muskia, and will easily trigger or destroy any unworthy opponents.

Even the master of the game is not safe from the wizards known as neckbeards. Aside from media literacy and ethics in games journalism, their primary power source comes from the outright denial of the DM, usually because the DM has missed one small sentence from the DMG in their ruling, or because they forgot exactly how flanking works. Beware to any DMs who make this mistake; the neckbeard wizard is sure to correct you.

Neckbeard

When you select this school at second level, the following stats are changed:

You have permanent disadvantage on any Charisma(Persuasion) checks made to seduce a creature.

You have permanent advantage on any Charisma(Persuasion) checks made to win an argument, and you may add your proficiency bonus to these checks if you are already not proficient.

You instantly gain 100 pounds, and count as a Large creature when determining your carrying capacity and the amount you can push, drag or lift.

You grow a beard, if you do not have one already. Dwarves and libertarians are friendly to you.

Rules Lawyer

It is recommended to keep a copy of the core rulebooks for this ability.

Whenever the DM makes a ruling that is not complicit with the law set in the core rulebooks for the DND 5e system, and you successfully point out their error, you may use your reaction to do one of the following things:

• Instantly cast any spell you have access to, at no material, verbal, or somatic cost. The spell is casted instantaneously, ignoring casting time or actions, and it does not take a spell slot. If a spell attack roll is required, assume that it hits.
• Gain advantage on all d20 rolls made until the end of your next turn.
• Instantaneously deal 50 points of psychic damage to any one creature within 30 feet of you.
• Instantaneously heal yourself 50 hit points.

You may do this a number of times equal to your intelligence modifier or proficiency bonus, whichever is higher, every short rest.

Triggered

Starting at 6th level, when a creature that you can see within 30 feet of you has an opposing alignment to yours in terms of morality (Good, Neutral, or Evil) you may force them to make a wisdom saving throw at a DC of 10 + your intelligence modifier + your proficiency bonus. You may do this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus. On a success, this creature cannot be affected by the triggered condition until the next day. On a fail, the creature is triggered. Any triggered creature has the following drawbacks:

• Any wisdom saving throws made against you are made at disadvantage, unless they are made to break the triggered condition.
• They must use all of their actions to argue with you, and cannot move unless it is towards you.
• Any attack rolls made are made at disadvantage.
• Any triggered creature acts rashly towards those they care about, but is not hostile; this may break relationships.

At the end of your turn, a triggered creature can make another wisdom saving throw to break the triggered condition. If they have been hit, or have hit you, they have advantage on this saving throw.

Media Literacy

Starting at 10th level, whenever another player at your table makes an objectively false statement about a piece of media, you may gain a point of inspiration and restore one of your spell slots, as long as you correct them. You may not coerce them into making an incorrect statement about a piece of media to regain your spell slot; if you imply that you want them to make an incorrect statement for the buff, you gain a point of exhaustion, which can only be cured by a restoration spell. If they refuse to see your point of view, they gain a point of exhaustion, which can only be cured by a restoration spell.

Red Pill

Starting at 14th level, you gain a magical red pill in your possession.

When you take the red pill, you undergo bouts of sickness for 2 weeks straight, which leaves you extremely ill and unable to adventure. During this time, all of your stats are reduced to 5. After the 2 weeks, you fundamentally understand how women and relationships work. You now have disadvantage on any roll made against a women, but advantage on any roll made against a man. You start to emit a horrible odor which functions as the Stinking Cloud spell cast, with you as the target, permanently. Anyone who has spent more than 3 weeks with you is used to the smell and is not affected by the spell, as well as you. You may also use the Rules Lawyer and Media Literacy abilities at will, and you gain access to any statements made by official WOTC affiliated DND writers on the internet as well as the RAW core rulebooks for your Rules Lawyer ability. This spell, as well as the rest of the benefits of the Neckbeard subclass, vanish if you take a shower or come into contact with both soap and water at the same time knowingly and by will. If you lose the benefits of this subclass, you may gain half of your wizard level of benefits in another subclass (a level 14 neckbeard turned abjuration wizard would only gain 7 levels of benefits), and you can never correct another player or DM on an incorrect ruling for the rest of the campaign, or you lose a full class level.