College of the Comically Awkward Grand Piano

You're a standard bard, with one small exception you want to only play the piano. Even whilst dreaming of adventure you still love the piano, so you found a way to bring it with you. However, you found that your enemies found the sight amusing and managed to leverage that to your advantage. You also learned to create amazing feats using your piano, feats other bards are simply incapable of due to their silly "mobile" and "maneuverable" instruments.

Magic Piano

When you take this subclass at 3rd level, you gain the ability to summon your full sized grand piano as an action a number of times equal to your proficiency modifier per long rest. The Piano appears on an open space of your choice within 5ft. The piano is considered a spell casting focus for the purposes of spells. To use the piano you must sit down on the provided chair, this takes a bonus action to do and sets your movement speed to zero, standing up from the seat requires another bonus action. While seated at the Piano you gain "Pianists Protection" this adds your Charisma modifier to your AC. 

Pianists Melodies

Also at 3rd level, while seated at your piano, you gain the ability to play various melodies on your piano providing various affects to allies and enemies that you can see. You may choose 2 melodies at level 3 and then another melody at levels 6, 9, and 15 with an additional ultimate melody being picked at level 20. Playing a pianists melody takes an action and a bardic inspiration with ultimate melodies consuming all remaining bardic inspiration points. For melodies that require a saving throw, its the same as your spell save DC. 

10 Million Fireflies

So maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but its still a lot of fireflies. You play a melody that summons illusionary fireflies to swarm around your enemies heads. All enemies within 50ft. of you make a Wisdom saving throw, on a fail they become blinded until the start of your next turn, on a success nothing happens and the illusion is dispersed.  

All Star

You play a song that makes one ally you can see a true All Star! Choose one ally you can see, till the start of your next turn that ally gains the effects of the Haste spell and gains a bonus to their attack and damage rolls equal to a single roll of your bardic inspiration die. (6th level)

Blessed Rains of Aphr'eeka

You play a melody of blessed rains, a storm cloud appears in the shape of a cylinder that is 10 feet tall with a 60-foot radius, centered on a point you can see directly above you. The melody fails if you can’t see a point in the air where the storm cloud could appear (for example, if you are in a room that can’t accommodate the cloud). Upon forming the storm cloud thunders down blessed rain. Every creature within the area must make a CON saving throw or take radiant damage equal to your bardic inspiration die, creatures that are undead, demonic, aberrations, or monstrosities have disadvantage on this saving throw. (6th level)

Entry of the Glad Iators

You play a mocking melody that was used to introduce court jesters or glad Iators in certain kingdoms. Choose a number of creatures equal to your Charisma modifier that you can see, they gain a negative equal to a roll of your bardic inspiration dice to the next action, or skill check they make. 

Katyusha's Summoning Song (Ultimate Melody)

You play a song that was a prayer to an ancient deity of destruction. Some consider her to be folklore but that's beyond the point, she responds to your prayer with destruction raining from on high. Choose up too 24 points that you can see, these points must be 15.ft away from each other. Each of these points suffers an elemental explosion dealing 5d10 elemental damage to all creatures within in a 15ft. radius. The elemental type is decided when you begin this song by rolling a d8 and consulting the table below.

1	Fire
2	Necrotic
3	Radiant
4	Cold
5	Force
6	Lightning
7	Thunder
8	Poison

 

Moonlight Sonata (Ultimate Melody)

You play a song dedicated to the moon. Night falls upon the land within a 5 mile radius, a full moon displayed in the sky. For the next minute you concentrate on playing the song, any interruptions cancels the effects. While playing the song, as an action on your turn you can choose to do one of the following.

Starfall: A false star falls from the sky and hits a point within 100ft. of you. All creatures within 20ft. of that point take 2d10 bludgeoning damage and make a constitution saving throw. On a fail they take an additional 3d10 radiant damage. 

Grace of the Moon: Choose a creature within a 100ft. they are touched by the light of the moons grace and gain 3d10 hit points. 

Moons Blessing: Grant an ally you can see temporary HP equal to 5 times you Charisma modifier, additionally their next weapons attack deals an additional 1d12 radiant damage. 

Spatial Strike: The power of space itself strikes down in a bolt of energy. One enemy within 100ft. makes a Dexterity saving throw. On a fail they take 8d10 force damage, or half that on a success.

Never Gonna Give You Up

You play a song gifted down to the mortal realm by an ancient deity of music, Rik Ast'ley. All enemies within 50ft. of you make a Wisdom saving throw, on a fail they take psychic damage equal to a roll of your bardic inspiration die, on a success they take half damage. Additionally, any allies within 30ft. who are unconscious or incapacitated get back on their feet with 1 hit point. (9th level)

Requiem of the Miner

You play a song of requiem, dedicated to miners who died in a cave-in long ago. All allies within 100ft. gain HP equal to 2 rolls of your bardic inspiration die, if an ally is at full health they gain temporary HP equivalent to what they would have healed. Additionally, one creature you see in range takes damage equal to all the damage that creature has dealt to others within the past 24 hours. (15th level)

Rush E (nemies)

A song inspiring a glorious charge forward. A number of allies equal to your Charisma modifier that you can see are granted the glorious idea of charging your enemies. They gain an additional 30ft. of movement and they don't provoke opportunity attacks until the start of your next turn. 

Sneaky Snitch

You play a light hearted sound meant to inspire sneakiness, choose a number of creatures you can see equal to your charisma modifier. They gain a bonus to stealth rolls equal to your bardic inspiration die for the next hour.

Thomas the Steam Automaton

You play a melody that summons the spirit of Thomas the Steam Automaton from another plane for but a moment. Choose a point you can see, all creatures in a 30ft. long by 10ft. wide line from that point make a Dexterity saving throw as they try to avoid being hit. On a fail they take 8d10 Force damage, or half that on a success. (15th level)

We are Number One

You play song to motivate your allies and demotivate your enemies. Roll your bardic inspiration die. Whatever you number you roll is what the effects that follow are based on. Your allies gain temporary HP equal to your roll x 2. Additionally your enemies gain a subtraction to their movement speed and AC equal to your roll until the start of your next turn. These affects apply to all creatures within a 50ft. radius. (9th level)

Comedic Sight

Starting at 6th level, whenever you summon your piano, you may cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter for free on a number of creatures equal to your Charisma modifier who witness the sight.   

Weaponized Piano Summoning

Beginning at 14th level, you can now spend your Piano summoning charges on a weaponized version of your summon. You may now pick a point within 25ft. and summon a piano to hit that square, the piano falls from the sky and lands on that square. Creatures standing at that point take 1d12 bludgeoning and 1d8 slashing damage and fall prone as they get hit. The piano shatters upon impact and makes a loud slamming of the keys noise as it hits. This does trigger your "Comedic Sight" feature.