Steve Domain

The Steve Domain exists. It is the thing priests of Steve do when they want to be more than just a priest. You get cool magic powers unique to Steve clerics, and free healthcare, though you will be expected to grant said healthcare to your allies as well (assuming they too are followers of Steve). Clerics of the Steve Domain regard heretics with great disdain. Steve is the True God, all others are false, except maybe the one Steve actually thinks is cool. Heretics are to be educated about Steve, so they may make an informed decision for themselves about which god they would like to follow (but of course, only one True God exists, who is Steve). If they are presented the absolute objective facts and still refuse to follow Steve, Steve grants full permission to smite them and revive them, at which point they may realize Steve is the True God. If they still fail to grasp this simple concept, do something. I don’t know what, but find a way to make them not believe in false gods. It’s not cool. Anyway, here’s what you get for being a cleric of the Steve Domain:

Bonus Proficiency

When you choose this domain at 1st level, you gain proficiency in the persuasion skill. If you already have this proficiency, you may double your proficiency bonus for any persuasion check you make.

Charisma Of The True God

Also starting at 1st level, you become more likeable. When you are within 30 feet of a creature that can hear and understand you, you have advantage on any Charisma-based roll against it (such as skill checks and saving throws). If you have levels in a class that uses Charisma for spellcasting, such as warlock, you also gain advantage on spell attack rolls against that creature.

Channel Divinity: Smite Heathen

Starting at 2nd level, you can use your Channel Divinity to smite any heathen who dares to oppose Lord Steve.

As an action, you call upon the wrath of Lord Steve to smite a heathen. A dark energy envelopes the creature, and several ghost like skulls appear to bite at it and tear away at its flesh. The target creature takes 2d8 necrotic damage. At 5th level, the damage increases to 4d8, 6d8 at 8th level, and 8d8 at 14th level. Additionally when you reach 14th level, damage immunities and resistances are ignored in the attack.

This ability has no effect on a creature that is not heretical to Steve.

Ted and Ned

Beginning at 6th level, you can summon undead to do your bidding for a short time. As a bonus action on your turn, you may call upon the zombie spirits of Ted or Ned, Steve’s zombie companions, and enlist their aid for an hour. You can only have one, either Ted or Ned, summoned simultaneously until you reach level 16 as described at the end of this feature. If you attempt to summon one while the other is present, the one which you had first summoned will remain, with the other one failing to manifest. Both Ted and Ned use the Ted/Ned game statistics. They disappear after 1 hour has passed since you summoned them, or when they are reduced to 0 hit points.

At 10th level, you may have Ted or Ned summoned to you for 24 hours, and at 16th level you may summon both Ted and Ned. When you use this feature, roll 1d100. On a 90-00, Ted and Ned are busy doing something with/for Steve, and cannot help you at the present moment. You can only use this feature once per long rest, and you do not lose use of it if Ted or Ned are unavailable. 

Adamantium Bones

At 8th level, your body becomes enchanted by Steve's magic, and you gain the following benefits:

• You no longer age, and cannot die of age.
• You take no falling damage when falling.
• You gain a +2 bonus to your AC, regardless of whether you are wearing armour or not.

Spells such as dispel magic cannot remove these effects from you, though they are technically magical.

Steve’s Life Insurance Plan

Starting at 17th level, if you drop to 0 Hit Points and fail 3 death saves, you may instead choose to pass them and return to life with 10 Hit Points. If you use this feature 3 times over the course of a month, you will become undead. You may choose whether your undead appearance is skeletal, or zombie-like. While undead, you do not lose any of your traits, features, proficiencies, spells, spell slots, or anything you possessed in life. A true resurrection or wish may reverse your undeath and restore you to a normal state of vitality. As long as you are undead, you do not need to breathe, eat, drink, or sleep. You have vulnerability to radiant damage and damage from silvered weapons, but you have resistance to nonmagical bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage. In addition, you lose the ability to use this feature for as long as you are undead.