College of Slapstick

The College of Slapstick is for those who entertain through physical comedy. These Bards routines often focus around classic gags like the pie-in-the-face and range to carnival side-show style grotesque displays like the spike-up-the-nose.

The bards that practice slapstick tend to divide the audience into several groups, those who love and admire the physical comedy and extremes the performers go to, and those who are simply repulsed by the extremes these performers will go to. A small number of viewers are even inspired to try and emulate the Slapstick bards, usually to tragic results.

In between shows Slapstick Bards are often inspired to travel the world looking for new inspiration or props to include in their next show, or to one-up other members of the College of Slapstick.

Summon Pie

When you join the College of Slapstick at 3rd level you learn the most basic trick all Slapstick Comedians first learn, how to take a Pie to the Face. As part of the training you learn a new feature, Summon Pie.

As a bonus action you may spend one Bardic Inspiration and summon one pie (see the list below, new pies are learned at 6th and 14th level). You may then keep the pie, or use your action to make a melee spell attack on this or any subsequent turn, or as part of a held action or reaction as long as you are still holding the pie. The pie counts as an improvised weapon with which the summoner has proficiency.

Bard Level	Pie	Effect
3rd	Coconut Cream	1d4 bludgeoning damage, target is blind until they use an action to clean the cream off their face.
6th	Lemon Meringue Pie	1d4 acid damage, the target will take an additional 1d4 acid damage at the start of their turn and every subsequent turn until they use an action to clean the corrosive lemon juice off their face.
14th	Pecan Pie	1d6 bludgeoning damage, a 5ft radius from the target becomes difficult terrain due to all of the nuts on the ground. All creatures moving into or out of the affected area must move at ½ speed or make a DEX save against the summoners spell save DC or fall prone.

Horrific Performance

Starting at 3rd level, you can charge your performance with gruesome carnie magic. Expend one Bardic Inspiration point and attempt the following:

You can attempt to inspire dismay in your audience by performing physical feats of endurance (the aforementioned Spike-up-the-nose for example). At the end of the performance (minimum 1 full turn taking no other movement, action, bonus action, or reaction), choose a number of humanoids within 60 feet of you who watched all of it, up to a number equal to your Charisma modifier (minimum of one). Each target must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw against your spell save DC or be in Fear of you. While Frightened in this way, the target is mesmerized by you, it speaks loathingly of you to anyone who talks to it, and it hinders anyone who aids you, although it avoids violence unless it was already inclined to fight you or your allies. This effect ends on a target after 1 hour, if it takes any damage, if you attack it, or if it witnesses you attacking or damaging any of its allies.

If a target succeeds on its saving throw, the target has no hint that you tried to charm it.

Once you use this feature, you can’t use it again until you finish a long rest.

Pratfall

At 6th Level you have mastered the pratfall. This allows you to avoid damage during otherwise dangerous stunts. When you are attacked, but before it is determined whether the attack has landed or missed, as a reaction you may expend one bardic inspiration and fall prone. The attack will automatically miss even if it would normally have been a critical hit.

If you are prone from using Pratfall you are not at disadvantage to any attacks, saves, or ability checks that would normally be applied by the Prone status. Attacks against you after using Pratfall are resolved normally as if you were Prone.

Once you are prone from using this Pratfall feature you may then use the Tumbling feature at the start at your next turn or any time after while still prone from the Pratfall.

You can recover from a Pratfall with some spectacular Tumbling. While prone after using the Pratfall feature you may use a Bonus Action to perform one of the following movement abilities. Using this ability will use your full movement for that round.

Back Roll	You move 5ft directly away (or if that space is occupied then as close to directly away as possible) from the nearest hostile creature. This does not provoke any attacks of opportunity. You finish this maneuver standing, if you wish.
Tuck and Roll	You move through an adjacent hostile creature’s space as if you were one size smaller. You may move ½ your normal movement speed. You finish this maneuver standing, if you wish.
Clumsy Roll	You spend a Bardic Inspiration point and make a grapple check with advantage against an adjacent enemy, as you clumsily roll around on the ground. If you succeed that enemy falls prone next to you.

Kick to the Groin

At 14th level, your performance can become truly disturbing. This can inspire people to just want to kick you in the crotch.

As a bonus action, you can assume a magically disturbing presence for 1 minute or until you are incapacitated. For the duration, whenever any creature within 5ft of you tries to attack a target other than you for the first time on a turn, the attacker must make a Charisma saving throw against your spell save DC. On a failed save, it can’t attack anyone except you on this turn or the attack is wasted. On a successful save, it can attack another target on this turn, but it has disadvantage on any saving throw it makes against your spells on your next turn.

Once you assume this disturbing presence, you can’t do so again until you finish a short or long rest.