way of the balding republican(unpolished)

you are a master of avoiding arguments and talking over the others when you don't avoid them, you also have the privilege of not needing the library ever because you know you heard of it in the news or some article or whatever. Can you read? No one's sure, but you sure do know your peasantry rights, though you never explain what they are and sorta just yell the phrase "Those goblins are taking the jobs I know it!".

existential crisis

when you fail a wisdom save, you take normal damage if it causes any and suffer all normal affects, when you succeed you take extra damage equal to your monk level in psychic damage as for a moment you realize what you have become.

The right wing technique

Starting when you choose this lack of hair at 3rd level, you can manipulate your enemy’s sanity when you harness your own. Whenever you hit a creature with one of the attacks granted by your Flurry of Blows, you can impose one of the following effects on that target:

• Belly scratch: You scratch your stomach, the sound of nails against dry skin hurt everyone within 10ft of you for your CON modifier in psychic damage if they fail a WIS save against your dc
• We Don't talk about that: if someone mentions your lack of hair, you have the right to smack them then walk away without provoking attack opportunity (requires they mentioned your hair or something else personal)
• Okay but: when faced with too much evidence to be right, you settle for letting them be 5% right by saying "okay maybe a little bit" and then reasserting your stance, this blatant lack of effort causes them to be lost in confusion and anger if they fail a save they lose a bonus action and half their movement on their next turn, this is also effective against people focusing on something, disadvantage on concentration saving throws for the target
  
  

self assurance

At 6th level, you gain the ability to heal yourself. As an action, you can gain temporary hit points equal to two times your monk level up to your CON modifier number of times (minimum of one). You must finish a long rest before you can use these features again.

Awkward silence

Beginning at 11th level, you can enter a special attitude that surrounds you with an aura of awkward silence. At the end of a long rest, you gain a number of uses of the ability awkward silence equal to your half your wisdom rounded up(minimum of one) you say something horribly offensive and or wrong, causing an aura of awkward silence around you, anyone who wants to communicate verbally in or through a radius around you of 15ft must make a wisdom save or fail to speak, this applies to verbal components of spells, if a spell requires a verbal component and they fail the save, they fail to cast the spell and waste the action used for it, this does not waste the spell slot though. anyone who succeeds this save still takes damage equal to the monks level in psychic damage, this cannot kill or knock a creature unconcious. the save dc is  8 + your Wisdom modifier + your proficiency bonus.

TURNIN THE FRICKIN FROGS GAY

At 17th level, you gain the ability to screw everyones mind with insane opinions, you scream something weird and nonsensical at your enemies, for 6 ki points every creature of your choice within 30ft must make a wisdom save or be stunned for up to a minute, a creature stunned by this can make another wisdom save at the end of it's turn, creatures with an intelligence of 19 or higher are immune to this effect, 16 or higher they have advantage on the save.

even animals can tell something unholy just happened, creatures that dont understand what you said are till subject to this affect