Way of the Improbable

As a practitioner of this discipline, you as a Monk have managed not only to dip into the absurd but fully embrace it, well beyond the point of what others would consider logical. This overspecialization has led to your losing the ability to make use of "conventional" weapons, while you can still fight unarmed without hindrance, what the rest of the world calls a "real" weapon doesn't really work for you. Your ability to make use of improvised weapons can often make those using more conventional weapons feel inadequate, in awe, or have feelings of chagrin at what they consider antics on your part.

Your abilities and specialization will often draw confused looks, especially since you go around with seemingly random junk. You will often catch opponents off guard when we decide to attack them with something that is clearly not intended to be used as a weapon.

Improbable Choice

You gain proficiency in Improvised Weapons. However, all attacks with more standard weapons, like a sword or dagger, are made at Disadvantage, this does not apply to Unarmed attacks. Improvised weapons count as Monk weapons to you, regardless of size.

You also gain the ability to add your Wisdom modifier (minimum of 1) to your checks to pick up heavy objects that count as improvised weapons, like a table or piece of column. You also gain the ability to treat any light improvised weapon, like a spoon or tankard, as a light weapon and add your Dexterity modifier to attack roll. You add your Wisdom modifier to your Strength (athletics) when picking up a heavy item you intend to use as an improvised weapon. All Improvised weapons, regardless of weight or size, are treated as Monk weapons. You can choose to spend a Ki point to focus your combat ability and use any of the more conventional weapons you would normally have proficiency in with no penalty for 1+your proficiency modifier rounds.

This is Ridiculous

You have the ability to use any implements in any set of artisan tools, and Thieves’ Tools, as an improvised weapon. You add your Wisdom Modifier (minimum of +1) to your attack rolls only when using an improvised weapon.

Absurd Reasoning

While wielding an improvised weapon in your mouth and/or foot you suffer no penalties. You are able to use your clothing with no penalty, while in a state of undress, as improvised weapons with your proficiency and no penalties, while you are putting them on or taking them off. Your clothing is treated as a Monk weapon. You can spend 2 Ki points to turn the improvised weapons you are wielding as if magic items and ignore defenses in terms of magical resistances.

I’m Sorry, Come Again...You Can What?

You can apply your Flurry of Blows to items you throw. If you are throwing an improvised weapon you can attempt a ranged Stunning Strike by spending 2 Ki points when using a thrown attack with an improvised weapon. On a successful hit with a ranged attack using an improvised weapon, you can spend 1 Ki point to return one thrown improvised weapon back to your hand when it is within a radius of 20 feet of you, this return function can only be used on one item once per turn. On a successful hit with an Improvised weapon, you regain 1 Ki Point. You also gain the ability to pick up and pull any item to you that is up to 10 feet away by spending 3 Ki points, you can increase the distance by spending an additional Ki point for every 5 additional feet. When you grab something at a distance, you use your Wisdom modifier on checks in place of the modifier for the physical ability that would be used, you can apply this to a physical skill at the cost of an additional Ki point.

Master of the Improbable

Your skill in using Improvised weapons has reached the heights of absurdity, much to the chagrin and/or awe of those around you. You are able to ignore the weight of any improvised weapons for 6 turns at the cost of 4 Ki points. By spending 5 Ki points you can treat any creature, regardless of its condition, as an improvised weapon, even if it is a hostile creature. While you are using another creature that is hostile to you as an improvised weapon they have Advantage on attacks to you but because you are flailing them around any criticals they would make on you are negated. If the creature you are using as a weapon is an ally, and willing, they make attacks on your turn and add your Wisdom modifier to their damage or attack rolls but not both. The insanity continues with you also gaining the ability to spend 3 Ki points to pull any item that is not being held by another creature to your hand within 15 feet of you, you can increase the distance at the cost of an additional Ki Point for each additional 5 feet.