Ronald McDonald

Most Warlocks follow their patron for power or to achieve some deep personal goal, and their patrons usually form contracts in order to influence and spread their seeds and machinations... but you and your patron are a bit more simple. You both just like food. Perhaps you met your patron when you gave a piece of steak from a famous tavern chain tavern to a less fortunate orphan. Or maybe you declared your passion for making quick yet delicious meals in a public place. Regardless, Ronald McDonald descended from his plane, known as “the PlayPlace™,” in order to congratulate you and grant you some of his power. Ronald McDonald grants those who keep their faith in him unlimited cosmic power beyond which that a mortal mind could comprehend. He also does cooking on the side.

Monster Steak

Your patron, the Great Ronald McDonald, has blessed you with the knowledge of how to properly butcher monsters and other magical creatures, and how to use them in equally as magical recipes. Whenever you look at a creature or the remains of one, you may choose to invoke your Patron's inspiration, and gain an idea of how to create a recipe using the creature parts. Additionally, whenever you kill a creature, it is automatically disassembled and different parts (such as organs or muscles) of the creature are placed in neatly wrapped boxes made of a strange material known as 'cardboard' and dropped where the creature died.

Gain proficiency with Cook's Utensils, if you do not already have it.

Magical effects of recipes involving monster parts are at the DM's discretion.

Joyful Feast

Starting at 6th level, Ronald McDonald has deigned to grant you some of the leftovers from his cosmic chain restaurant, quickly reheated by vast cosmic power. You may summon a number of leftovers equal to your Warlock level of leftovers per short rest. If someone consumes the divine leftovers, roll a d6 to determine the results from the following list.

1. Regain (class level)d8 Hitpoints
2. Gain an extra action on your next turn
3. Gain (class level)d12 temporary hitpoints
4. Gain a random factoid about food preparation
5. Change your hair colour to a random other colour
6. Gain (class level) copper pieces

Summon Minimum Wage Worker

Your patron has granted you access to his interdimensional array of workers. Starting at 10th level, as an action, you may summon a level 1 human fighter with a 0 modifier in all stats. The summoned fighter is bound to your will, and must obey your commands. The fighter will demanifest after 2 hours or if you loudly exclaim "You're fired!". You may use this 3 times per short rest. Upon demanifestation, it takes 5 copper pieces with it.

McLaser

Your patron has allowed you to access a mere 1% of his eldritch power. Starting at 14th level, you may expend all of your remaining spell slots to fire a beam of raw cosmic power. The beam is a line 10 foot by 60 foot. Every creature caught in the beam takes 8d10 force damage. You may use this feature once per long rest.