College of the Fool

Bards of the College of the Fool have perfected an art older than kings, armies, and civilized behavior: making everyone else lose their composure.

A Fool treats combat as a stage. Distance is merely a suggestion, dignity is an obstacle, and being attacked is often taken as a personal invitation to do something much stupider. These bards leap between opponents, invade personal space, heckle monsters, mock spellcasters, and occasionally acknowledge the invisible audience watching it all.

They are not necessarily fools.

They simply understand that everyone else is taking the situation far too seriously.

Level 3: Fool's Footwork

Your movement gains the following benefits:

1. You can move through the space of any creature no more than one size larger than you. That space counts as difficult terrain.
2. You can move through a hostile creature's space, but you can't end your movement there.
3. Moving through a hostile creature's space does not provoke an opportunity attack from that creature.
4. You can move through the same hostile creature's space only once on each of your turns.

In addition, whenever you use Bardic Inspiration, you can immediately move up to 10 feet without provoking opportunity attacks.

This movement occurs immediately after the Bardic Inspiration is given.

Level 3: Heckler's Provocation

When a creature you can see within 60 feet of you makes an attack against a creature other than you, you can use your reaction and expend one use of your Bardic Inspiration.

The attacking creature must make a Wisdom saving throw against your Bard spell save DC.

On a failed save, choose one of the following effects:

"HEY! I'M OVER HERE!"

• The creature has disadvantage on the triggering attack roll.
• If the attack misses, the creature cannot make opportunity attacks against you until the start of its next turn.

"COME ON, THAT'S ALL YOU'VE GOT?"

• The creature makes the attack normally, but if it hits, the attack deals psychic damage to it equal to the number rolled on your Bardic Inspiration die.

"WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME?"

• The creature must immediately move up to half its speed toward you by the safest available route.
• This movement doesn't provoke opportunity attacks.
• If it cannot reach a space closer to you, it instead has disadvantage on its next attack roll before the end of its next turn.

You can use only one option when you activate Heckler's Provocation.

Your insults are considered audible speech for the purpose of this feature.

Level 6: Aside to the Audience

When a creature you can see within 60 feet makes an attack roll, ability check, or saving throw, you can use your reaction and expend one use of Bardic Inspiration to make an aside to the audience.

You may activate this feature after the d20 is rolled but before the DM announces the result.

Roll your Bardic Inspiration die.

Then choose one of the following:

Retcon

• Add the Bardic Inspiration die to the triggering roll.
• You can use this on yourself, an ally, or an enemy.
• Yes, an enemy.
• Sometimes making the villain succeed makes the joke better.

Cut

• Subtract the Bardic Inspiration die from the triggering roll.

Camera Cut

• Instead of modifying the roll, you instantly move yourself to an unoccupied space you can see within 30 feet.
• If the triggering creature was targeting you with an attack, you can choose to make that attack target a different creature that is a legal target instead.
• The new target must be within the attack's normal range.
• If there is no legal target, the attack misses.

The Bit Was Better in Your Head

• If the triggering roll is a natural 1 or natural 20, you can use the feature without expending Bardic Inspiration.
• You must still roll the Bardic Inspiration die and choose an effect normally.

Fourth-Wall Rule

• When you use Aside to the Audience, you may physically address the audience, narrate your own actions, comment on the absurdity of the current situation, or otherwise acknowledge that something extremely ridiculous has happened.
• This has no mechanical effect by itself.
• The DM remains the final authority on what exists within the game world.
• You cannot use this feature to declare nonexistent objects, invent information, override another creature's abilities, change the adventure's plot, or otherwise bypass the rules.
• You can, however, confidently behave as though you have absolutely no idea why those things aren't working.

Level 14: You Can't Catch the Fool

When a creature you can see targets you with an attack, you can use your reaction and expend one use of Bardic Inspiration.

You immediately move up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space you can see.

This movement:

• does not provoke opportunity attacks;
• ignores difficult terrain;
• allows you to move through creatures' spaces;
• does not count as movement for the purposes of effects that prevent you from moving normally.

If your movement places you outside the attack's range or otherwise makes you an invalid target, the attack automatically misses.

Otherwise, roll your Bardic Inspiration die and subtract the number rolled from the triggering attack roll.

And Now for Something Completely Different

When you use You Can't Catch the Fool, roll a d6.

d6 Result:

1. Whoops: You fall prone when your movement ends.
2. Wrong Direction: You teleport an additional 10 feet in a random direction. If that space is occupied, you remain where you are.
3. Audience Participation: One creature of your choice within 30 feet can immediately move up to half its speed without provoking opportunity attacks.
4. Prop Comedy: You create one mundane Tiny object in your hand that remains for 1 minute. It cannot have meaningful mechanical value.
5. Physical Comedy: The creature that attacked you must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw against your Bard spell save DC or fall prone.
6. Perfect Timing: You can immediately make one weapon attack against a creature within your weapon's range or cast a cantrip with a casting time of 1 action.

The object created by Prop Comedy must be something a performer could reasonably pull from a pocket, sleeve, hat, instrument case, or similarly ridiculous location: a rubber chicken, wooden spoon, fake flower, tiny flag, banana, theatrical mask, juggling ball, hand mirror, party horn, and so forth.

The object disappears after 1 minute.