The dragon roared ferociously at the bard from Yu-Gi-Oh, the tavern he stood in barely standing from the sheer force of the roar. He smirked. This dragon had no clue what was coming, for it never suspected that he was a Bar Barian.
Two Dwendalian spies meet in a bar. The first says, after they greet each other, "I met an echo knight last week." The second says, "I've heard an echo on a night too, what of it?"
There was a stream where one player would use the same one for each THL spell.
Player: "Hey, [NPC]! [NPC]! Hey, [NPC]! Hey!" NPC: "WHAT?!" Player: "How do you make Holy Water?" NPC: "Uh... How?" Player: "You boil the hell out of it."
The NPCs succeeded on the save except one time with an NPC who barely spoke common. I guess it was funnier in the lost translation.
Another player: "It might actually work if you get new material, mate."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
The Bard had wandered the lands for twenty years, slaying foes and inspiring the masses. He was a hero...a legend. The sound of his lute heralded freedom for the oppressed peasants of the land and terror for the tyrannical monarchs. But never once did he return to the home he'd left long ago and the childhood sweetheart he pined for in his most mournful of ballads. One day, a new adventuring companion of the Bard's was overcome with curiosity and asked the Bard, "Bard - why have you never gone back to visit your lover? Surely you've earned some rest after all the good deeds you've done?"
The bard simply looked at his naïve new companion sadly, and shook his head. "It's not as simple as that, my young friend."
"Whyever not?" the new adventurer asked.
"Because it turns out the old saw was true," the Bard said. "Once you go gnome, you can never go home."
What do you say after a Svirfneblin finishes a philosophical discussion?
Wow, that's deep. It really hit close to gnome for me.
What is poorly illuminated, full of parasitical creatures, and lies beneath the exterior of a tree?
The Underbark!
What do illithids ask people they're about to eat?
What's on your mind?
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
To a puny or smarmy NPC/villain: "What are you, a d12? Because there isn't even a 5% chance that I'll care about you."
"Who do you think you are? You don't even have a custom mini, you're a generic goblin! Do you know who I am? A PC. I have a name, a history, and everything. Why don't you just give up and lay down on the floor."
"You best check yourself d4 you mess yourself."
"Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elder berries! Now go away or I shall be forced to taunt you a second time."
I wanna see how great or terrible these can be
The dragon roared ferociously at the bard from Yu-Gi-Oh, the tavern he stood in barely standing from the sheer force of the roar. He smirked. This dragon had no clue what was coming, for it never suspected that he was a Bar Barian.
Come participate in the Competition of the Finest Brews, Edition XXVIII?
My homebrew stuff:
Spells, Monsters, Magic Items, Feats, Subclasses.
I am an Archfey, but nobody seems to notice.
Extended Signature
Sure, let's see if I can't think of a terrible joke
How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two - One to screw in the lightbulb and one to heal the wizard who got downed by the minor electric shock he got when screwing in said lightbulb.
I believe wizards can only cast life transference, and they need another wizard to heal them, so an infinite number.
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
Morning wood elf.
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Two Dwendalian spies meet in a bar. The first says, after they greet each other, "I met an echo knight last week." The second says, "I've heard an echo on a night too, what of it?"
Come participate in the Competition of the Finest Brews, Edition XXVIII?
My homebrew stuff:
Spells, Monsters, Magic Items, Feats, Subclasses.
I am an Archfey, but nobody seems to notice.
Extended Signature
Not sure if this counts, but my fighter got annoyed at the halfling thief and told him he was going to be cut into quarterlings...
"I once cast Toll the Dead on someone the other day. Ding! Dong! Your hit-points gone!"
There was a stream where one player would use the same one for each THL spell.
Player: "Hey, [NPC]! [NPC]! Hey, [NPC]! Hey!"
NPC: "WHAT?!"
Player: "How do you make Holy Water?"
NPC: "Uh... How?"
Player: "You boil the hell out of it."
The NPCs succeeded on the save except one time with an NPC who barely spoke common. I guess it was funnier in the lost translation.
Another player: "It might actually work if you get new material, mate."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
The Bard had wandered the lands for twenty years, slaying foes and inspiring the masses. He was a hero...a legend. The sound of his lute heralded freedom for the oppressed peasants of the land and terror for the tyrannical monarchs. But never once did he return to the home he'd left long ago and the childhood sweetheart he pined for in his most mournful of ballads. One day, a new adventuring companion of the Bard's was overcome with curiosity and asked the Bard, "Bard - why have you never gone back to visit your lover? Surely you've earned some rest after all the good deeds you've done?"
The bard simply looked at his naïve new companion sadly, and shook his head. "It's not as simple as that, my young friend."
"Whyever not?" the new adventurer asked.
"Because it turns out the old saw was true," the Bard said. "Once you go gnome, you can never go home."
Please do not contact or message me.
Not mine, but a classic at my table:
What do you call a halfling divination wizard that's escaped from prison?
A small medium at large
an old one, but a good one lol
My personal favorite =)
What do you call a very tired Dark Elf?
Drowsy
If you're human before dinner and human after dinner, what are you during dinner?
Goblin!
Did they pass the saving throw? Try again with: what are you while eating corn?
Cobgoblin!
What do you say after a Svirfneblin finishes a philosophical discussion?
Wow, that's deep. It really hit close to gnome for me.
What is poorly illuminated, full of parasitical creatures, and lies beneath the exterior of a tree?
The Underbark!
What do illithids ask people they're about to eat?
What's on your mind?
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
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Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
Where do the boss monsters get the stuff to outfit their dungeons?
Tomb Depot
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
What's the opposite of a Gelatinous Cube?
A Gelatinous Third Root.
Wizard (Gandalf) of the Tolkien Club
What do you call a monkey hit by a fireball?
A Baboom.
To a puny or smarmy NPC/villain: "What are you, a d12? Because there isn't even a 5% chance that I'll care about you."
"Who do you think you are? You don't even have a custom mini, you're a generic goblin! Do you know who I am? A PC. I have a name, a history, and everything. Why don't you just give up and lay down on the floor."
"You best check yourself d4 you mess yourself."
"Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elder berries! Now go away or I shall be forced to taunt you a second time."
so many bad d&d jokes here:
https://dungeonvault.com/dnd-dad-jokes/
Why did the rogue get kicked out of the tavern?
Because he kept taking shots without rolling to hit.