I live in the Bible Belt and have no friends. the only options I have for playing this game are online through Fantasy Grounds or Roll20, or my local FLGS through Adventurer's League. My problem is that I don't enjoy the impersonal and slightly restrictive nature of digital tabletop, and I hate the constraining rules of AL. The community around my location is also very unhealthy and toxic due to our pariah upbringings. Is there anything I can do to alleviate this?
The issue you've posed is that you want personal connections to play D&D with. Unfortunately, we all must make sacrifices when interacting with others to form said connections. Nobody wants to give 100% effort while the opposing party takes it for granted. From the quote above, the limiting factor is "I hate the constraining rules of AL." If your goal is to create these personal connections, why not forgo the details of AL as means to meet other gamers and make friends? In my time, I've played games I didn't even care for because I've enjoyed the company of those I've played them with. Who cares about the AL rules if you're forming the relationships you desire?
That's assuming that I have a local community center, and also assuming that my disability defines me. I literally only am able to leave my current residence to go see my psychiatrist. The town I live in is full of only two types of people; religious zealots and drug dealers.
As reference to your first quote, who are those other people playing AL games - the zealots or the drug dealers? I don't see either of these groups sitting in a local game store rolling D20s to vanquish demons. You've stated that you're not to be defined by your disability, perhaps others aren't to be defined into two categories either.
Others here have stated and I agree, if getting out to the local game store is rough, you're going to have to play online. It's just that simple. You will not be able to manifest a group of players who will bring the game to you on a regular basis. Friendships are what you make of them, and can be just as personal online as in person. Some of my best friendships have been crafted digitally, resulting in lengthy travel and participation in their weddings. Things will be what you make of them, and it requires effort, attitude, and flexibility.
It's a long life to be living down the spiral - I've been there a few times myself. Every day is another opportunity to chip away more experience points towards level capping your happiness.
IMO the game is just the vehicle. The time shared with friends is the reward at the destination. If you're looking to play the game as a first priority, you open yourself up to a lot of less-than-ideal circumstances in my experience. That's why I don't like public games with strangers. In my situation, the game is just an excuse to hang out, which is increasingly more difficult to do in our adult lives. It could be any game, but since I've bought heavily into 5e (which is a perfect system for new players), that's what we do.
I know you've stated that you have difficulty with making and keeping friends, but for the experience that you seem to be looking for, I think that should be your first step. Find people who you like spending time with, and once you've built a good rapport, then see about getting a game of D&D started. I'm not saying it's easy, but I think that is something to work towards.
Or, as others have said, your other option is to compromise until a more ideal situation presents itself.
FWIW, I play almost exclusively using online tools. My wife and I have three kids, and leaving them alone to go out and attend a game just isn't an option. Hosting where we live also isn't a great option, as we live in a pretty far-flung suburb, so it's rare we can get people to come out here (when they do, we certainly play though!).
We turned to online groups, and while we had mixed success with groups of strangers, we found people we had met through forums like this one, Facebook groups where we found people with mutual interests, and maybe friends or family who have moved away but share similar interests. Some of our groups are mixed in-person and online groups, where we set up a screen at the table with the map, mount a camera, and Skype in the long distance player. Really, as long as you play with people you get along with well and share similar goals and interests in the game, you forget you're playing over the internet and it's just as enjoyable as playing in person, without the cleanup afterwards or the commute.
It was a mistake coming here. Nobody understands nor cares to. This is pointless. I should sell all my books and give up. Thanks for the help in making that decision.
If you were serious about finding people to group with, then a location tag on your profile here might help (or get you beaten up by drug dealers/religious zealots.)
Based on your forum name, I'm going to ask where would the world be if two guys - self confessed geeks by the names of Alex and Geddy - from a small Canadian town had given in to the daily bullying and decided against sharing their music with the world?
Of course, maybe your birthday is simply December 21st, in which case that was wasted.
D&D may be better for your mind than hours of 'couch time', but I bet the professional getting paid a fortune won't tell you that! Actually, as they are getting paid, take some dice and a couple of pregens to your next session and tell them you want to express your self through the medium of roleplay!
I suspect very few of the people posting on this forum are as mentally 'put-together' as they like to seem. Here's the secret - we are all just pretending.*
@The_Plundered_Tombs Very perceptive, friend. Both of your assertions are true. I am very familiar with the travelers from Willowdale and was born on the Winter Solstice.
It was a mistake coming here. Nobody understands nor cares to. This is pointless. I should sell all my books and give up. Thanks for the help in making that decision.
For some reason I was expecting a reply in this vein. People have given you options that fall within your fairly stringent parameters, and have been nothing but kind and helpful. As far as I can tell from my limited interactions with you, it seems like the biggest obstacle to you finding a good DnD group to play with is yourself, and there's really nothing we can do to help with that. Best of luck.
The postman has just delivered 2 D&D related tee-shirts. Turns out that he plays 5th edition! Now the strange thing is, the tee-shirts are still wrapped!
I'm sorry to hear that's the situation you are in WH2112, and I do hope things improve for you. Honestly, it sounds like you have bigger issues that finding someone to play D&D with, though that can certainly be another tool to help you feel better. That said, I'm really not sure what miracle answer you were looking for here. As Lorden pointed out, people have offered a number of excellent ideas all of which you are quick to say no to. Ultimately you need to help yourself, find a way to say yes to something and be more flexible. That's part of normal social interaction for any reason, not just gaming. Good luck to you.
The more you speak the more i see sheldon cooper from big bang theory... If you are not ready to admit you have parts of responsability in making said community. Then yeah... I suggest you stop trying to live outside your house.
Asperger is far from being a condition that stops social interactions. What does is your own views about the world around you... You judge your whole town on your own negativity. I know what it is... I couldnt play for 10 years because i thought i was alone... Then i heard my lgs had a game going. I took my negativity out the window and told myself why not ask.
The group dissolved fast. Toxic players. So i started my own group at lgs. Toxic people... Sorry but your lgs wont allow them to do that. Hes there for business and toxic clients are bad for business. Speak up. Problem gets solved. In my case i started receiving demands for the game. I was expecting nobody to play it around me. Suprise... My group reached 10 players in a heartbeat. Seems many old veterans only waits for a game to start. And youd be surprised how many gamers are curious about that game in the basement.
But all that is useless if you continu to be negative about it and wait for people to be your way.
All that said a game exist for everyone. If not, create it ! So all i can say is... Good luck on finding your game. You deserve some fun too !
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An unexpected thing happened yesterday which seemed relevant to share in this thread. Hopefully, it will provide a glimmer of hope to someone whose own negative attitude appears to be keeping them from their goal of finding people to play D&D with.
My wife and I were at a local department store looking to get a copy of our house key made. As we walked through the store two employees were having a conversation at the sporting goods counter, and one turned to greet us. As he did so he noticed our t-shirts; I was wearing a Goonies shirt, and my wife was wearing a Dungeons & Dragons shirt.
The employee complimented our shirts, then conversation turned to how he could help us. That lead to him leading us over to the key cutting machine, helping us with the copy we needed, and then us chatting about D&D for a bit. Turns out the fellow started playing back in 1975, and not only did he want to share funny and brief tales of a couple of characters of his own from back in the day, he was interested in what our favorite characters happened to be.
If my current gaming schedule weren't already full-up, I'd have invited the wonderfully nice-seeming old man to join us for a session sometime.
I forgot to mention my Asperger's as the primary reason why I can't meet people and the reason why I enjoy rpg's. I had a group back when I had "friends" in school. But since they are no longer forced to interact with me, they dropped me like so much garbage. So forgive me if I lack social skills.
Look, this is not a gaming issue. If your ASD is keeping you from meeting people, that is not some inevitable/unavoidable consequence of ASD. You used to play with a group of people, and you refer to it as Aspergers rather than Autism, so I imagine you aren't literally incapable of having a conversation, or going to a new place, etc. If you've found these things increasingly difficult, then that is something you need to talk to a professional about. If you aren't seeing anyone right now, fix that. Nearly every state in the country has programs to help you if you can't afford help on your own.
If you literally have not a single friend, you absolutely have to go outside and meet people, regardless of how uncomfortable it is to even try. If you have any family members who are not complete a-holes, I'm sure one of them would be willing to help you get out of the house and meet some people. If not, try some of the online resources people ITT are suggesting, and try to meet up with some fellow geeks, at game stores or other public places, and see how it goes.
I guarantee, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that your entire area is not toxic.
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IMO the game is just the vehicle. The time shared with friends is the reward at the destination. If you're looking to play the game as a first priority, you open yourself up to a lot of less-than-ideal circumstances in my experience. That's why I don't like public games with strangers. In my situation, the game is just an excuse to hang out, which is increasingly more difficult to do in our adult lives. It could be any game, but since I've bought heavily into 5e (which is a perfect system for new players), that's what we do.
I know you've stated that you have difficulty with making and keeping friends, but for the experience that you seem to be looking for, I think that should be your first step. Find people who you like spending time with, and once you've built a good rapport, then see about getting a game of D&D started. I'm not saying it's easy, but I think that is something to work towards.
Or, as others have said, your other option is to compromise until a more ideal situation presents itself.
FWIW, I play almost exclusively using online tools. My wife and I have three kids, and leaving them alone to go out and attend a game just isn't an option. Hosting where we live also isn't a great option, as we live in a pretty far-flung suburb, so it's rare we can get people to come out here (when they do, we certainly play though!).
We turned to online groups, and while we had mixed success with groups of strangers, we found people we had met through forums like this one, Facebook groups where we found people with mutual interests, and maybe friends or family who have moved away but share similar interests. Some of our groups are mixed in-person and online groups, where we set up a screen at the table with the map, mount a camera, and Skype in the long distance player. Really, as long as you play with people you get along with well and share similar goals and interests in the game, you forget you're playing over the internet and it's just as enjoyable as playing in person, without the cleanup afterwards or the commute.
It was a mistake coming here. Nobody understands nor cares to. This is pointless. I should sell all my books and give up. Thanks for the help in making that decision.
WH2112,
If you were serious about finding people to group with, then a location tag on your profile here might help (or get you beaten up by drug dealers/religious zealots.)
Based on your forum name, I'm going to ask where would the world be if two guys - self confessed geeks by the names of Alex and Geddy - from a small Canadian town had given in to the daily bullying and decided against sharing their music with the world?
Do you really want to end up like this guy?
"The sleep is still in my eyes
The dream is still in my head
I heave a sigh and sadly smile
And lie a while in bed
I wish that it might come to pass
Not fade like all my dreams
Just think of what my life might be
In a world like I have seen!
I don't think I can carry on
Carry on this cold and empty life
Oh no!
My spirits are low in the depths of despair
My lifeblood...spills over"
Of course, maybe your birthday is simply December 21st, in which case that was wasted.
D&D may be better for your mind than hours of 'couch time', but I bet the professional getting paid a fortune won't tell you that! Actually, as they are getting paid, take some dice and a couple of pregens to your next session and tell them you want to express your self through the medium of roleplay!
I suspect very few of the people posting on this forum are as mentally 'put-together' as they like to seem. Here's the secret - we are all just pretending.*
Edit : *Except me, I really am a level 12 Ranger.
Roleplaying since Runequest.
@The_Plundered_Tombs Very perceptive, friend. Both of your assertions are true. I am very familiar with the travelers from Willowdale and was born on the Winter Solstice.
Wait, is this turning into a rush thread? I'm into the idea of a Rush Thread, believe me.
TO BREAK MY FAST ON HONEYDEW...
To contribute to the thread, however, you might want to check out nearby towns.
I'm not the one who started it.
True story time.
The postman has just delivered 2 D&D related tee-shirts. Turns out that he plays 5th edition!
Now the strange thing is, the tee-shirts are still wrapped!
D&D players: they may be closer than you think!
Roleplaying since Runequest.
@The_Plundered_Tombs Man, I barely manage to get out of bed. Even then, it's usually only a few hours.
I can’t offer any great advice. Your post indicate depression to me, and I hope things get better for you.
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I'm sorry to hear that's the situation you are in WH2112, and I do hope things improve for you. Honestly, it sounds like you have bigger issues that finding someone to play D&D with, though that can certainly be another tool to help you feel better. That said, I'm really not sure what miracle answer you were looking for here. As Lorden pointed out, people have offered a number of excellent ideas all of which you are quick to say no to. Ultimately you need to help yourself, find a way to say yes to something and be more flexible. That's part of normal social interaction for any reason, not just gaming. Good luck to you.
Im gonna say this much...
The more you speak the more i see sheldon cooper from big bang theory... If you are not ready to admit you have parts of responsability in making said community. Then yeah... I suggest you stop trying to live outside your house.
Asperger is far from being a condition that stops social interactions. What does is your own views about the world around you... You judge your whole town on your own negativity. I know what it is... I couldnt play for 10 years because i thought i was alone... Then i heard my lgs had a game going. I took my negativity out the window and told myself why not ask.
The group dissolved fast. Toxic players. So i started my own group at lgs. Toxic people... Sorry but your lgs wont allow them to do that. Hes there for business and toxic clients are bad for business. Speak up. Problem gets solved. In my case i started receiving demands for the game. I was expecting nobody to play it around me. Suprise... My group reached 10 players in a heartbeat. Seems many old veterans only waits for a game to start. And youd be surprised how many gamers are curious about that game in the basement.
But all that is useless if you continu to be negative about it and wait for people to be your way.
All that said a game exist for everyone. If not, create it ! So all i can say is... Good luck on finding your game. You deserve some fun too !
DM of two gaming groups.
Likes to create stuff.
Check out my homebrew --> Monsters --> Magical Items --> Races --> Subclasses
If you like --> Upvote, If you wanna comment --> Comment
Play by Post Games
--> One Shot Adventure - House of Artwood (DM) (Completed)
Hold on, can I have some examples of the local community being toxic? What have they done?
An unexpected thing happened yesterday which seemed relevant to share in this thread. Hopefully, it will provide a glimmer of hope to someone whose own negative attitude appears to be keeping them from their goal of finding people to play D&D with.
My wife and I were at a local department store looking to get a copy of our house key made. As we walked through the store two employees were having a conversation at the sporting goods counter, and one turned to greet us. As he did so he noticed our t-shirts; I was wearing a Goonies shirt, and my wife was wearing a Dungeons & Dragons shirt.
The employee complimented our shirts, then conversation turned to how he could help us. That lead to him leading us over to the key cutting machine, helping us with the copy we needed, and then us chatting about D&D for a bit. Turns out the fellow started playing back in 1975, and not only did he want to share funny and brief tales of a couple of characters of his own from back in the day, he was interested in what our favorite characters happened to be.
If my current gaming schedule weren't already full-up, I'd have invited the wonderfully nice-seeming old man to join us for a session sometime.
Start your own group, be the change that you want to see because you could be waiting around forever for it to just happen.
If the local community is toxic, avoid those toxic elements, invite people who are more genial and play with them.
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I guarantee, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that your entire area is not toxic.
We do bones, motherf***ker!
As I said, no one understands, nor can they, let alone care to. I regret coming here.