I live in the Bible Belt and have no friends. the only options I have for playing this game are online through Fantasy Grounds or Roll20, or my local FLGS through Adventurer's League. My problem is that I don't enjoy the impersonal and slightly restrictive nature of digital tabletop, and I hate the constraining rules of AL. The community around my location is also very unhealthy and toxic due to our pariah upbringings. Is there anything I can do to alleviate this?
Do you honestly think you're the only person in your community who feels the way you do about the community? Because your attitude seems to be very self-defeating in that you've given up before you've even tried. Post an advertisement somewhere looking for players. While you may not get the perfect group right away, you also don't know that you won't find a new friend or two by trying.
Tough out the AL scene long enough to find a few non-toxic (or least toxic) people to start up a home game with.
Make new friends and make them new players if you have to.
And the one that seems to have always been the real clencher for me when it comes to starting up groups, which I've had no personal difficult doing in numerous cities scattered across the U.S.A., stop believing that you don't have people near you that are interested in the game and worth playing with, because that is statistically ridiculous (even in the bible belt). I had plenty of players in the Picayune Mississippi and Pearl River/Slidell Louisiana area when I lived there over a decade ago, which is plenty deep in the bible belt and was before table-top gaming had become as generally popular as it is now - I just had to believe I would find them, be willing to teach new players if I couldn't find any, and stop doing the self-defeating gamer thing that is all too common where you think of your own hobby as 'weird' or otherwise not something you should talk about in public and so you and many of the gamers around you are basically playing a form of chicken where they are waiting for the other person(s) to admit being an RPG fan first.
I agree with the other posters. Start up a game. If you don't know anyone who likes to game who you like, post an ad in whatever local store carries board games. Or try meetup.com. Meetup is how I found the group that I'm gaming with now.
If finding local players is problematic, and you don't like Roll20 or Fantasy Grounds, there is another option.
Use Skype + D&D Beyond.
No, it's not as personal as being in person with others, but unless you can find like-minded people in your area, the point is rather moot. Using Skype instead of ROll20 or FG, you can at least feel like you are just a group hanging out. Roll real dice. Have real books and PC sheets in front of you if you like, or use DDB for character sheets. It means, however, you will need a DM who is good at Theatre of the Mind.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
You don't OWN your books on DDB: WotC can change them any time. What do you think will happen when OneD&D comes out?
Are there conventions you can go to? Even if it isn't near you, you'll probably find other players who have also made the trip. You can always do a mix of online and in person after you've established a group.
I'm assuming that there are other people close to you who are also looking for a way to play D&D other than the Adventurer's League. Even Craigslist has a section for finding activities and you can post an ad on there for free.
I forgot to mention my Asperger's as the primary reason why I can't meet people and the reason why I enjoy rpg's. I had a group back when I had "friends" in school. But since they are no longer forced to interact with me, they dropped me like so much garbage. So forgive me if I lack social skills.
I forgot to mention my Asperger's as the primary reason why I can't meet people and the reason why I enjoy rpg's. I had a group back when I had "friends" in school. But since they are no longer forced to interact with me, they dropped me like so much garbage. So forgive me if I lack social skills.
I have several friends and acquaintances on the spectrum and while it can be challenging to be their friends, I would argue that everyone is challenging as a friend. Every friendship, every relationship, requires work and persistence and mutual understanding.
Oh, and I met all of them through gaming.
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"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
All of these replies imply that I have the ability and the money to travel and meet people.
If you don't want to play online and don't like the people available, you have to meet new people not currently available. You did state it was a problem with your location. Since moving isn't a reasonable solution, travel is the next option most likely to be successful. After that, it's online.
You have Asperger's? Maybe try to set up a sort of "Special Needs D&D" at a local community center. The leaders will be happy to set up a nice sort of program, and the people who join will either be:
1. Special Needs people who probably have the same problems with the local nerd community.
2. People nice enough to take time out of their day to work with the disabled, and they will probably not be toxic.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
For god's sake. Find a hobby or something. Sheesh. Please stop using this font.
Can you go into more detail on what you don’t like about online games? My Roll20 game feels less impersonal with voice chat and a seperate text chat for keeping in touch between games. We’re currently using Discord for both (we used a Skype/Facebook combo previously, but some players were having browser lag issues). Not sure what advice I can offer on it being restrictive without more to go on, though.
If your local gaming scene is toxic, there’s almost certainly more people like you who have been turned off by it. Trying a “players seeking games” list at your LGS or elsewhere (how local is the public library?) does sound like a good idea. Main obstacle would be who wants to be DM.
You could also try circumventing the usual gaming haunts and finding people through any other interests you might have. In some cases it’s easier to turn friends into gamers than turn gamers into friends...
In my case, I joined my wife’s old college gaming group, as did another guy’s non-alumni wife. (And if you’re near a college, there’s likely some geeky students or geeky graduates who stayed in the area.) I’m no social butterfly myself, but even having one person to vet you into a social circle that’s already smoothed out their social wrinkles can do wonders. Might be more manageable to think of it as making one friend/friendly acquaintance than an entire group at once. Your high school friends didn’t stick around, but maybe you can find someone whose high school friends did. Non-awful coworkers are a possibility, too.
Wear Critical Role t-shirts. You will be surprised about the conversations you get into. In check out lines at the grocery store. At restaurants. I am lucky to have a local university as well... well... the blessing and curse of that... usually by the time you find a group that works well together they graduate. And don't forget to hangout in a local coffee shop if you have one and put a Player's Handbook on the table with your stuff. You don't even have to be obvious about it. It is noticeable if you know what it looks like. And yes, a public library can be a good thing, though people are less inclined to talk too much in there... depending on if they have activities inside or not. And I agree... you are just looking for the first person. Even if both of you are doing the same thing... you'll be talking about it and might know similar people.
That's assuming that I have a local community center, and also assuming that my disability defines me. I literally only am able to leave my current residence to go see my psychiatrist. The town I live in is full of only two types of people; religious zealots and drug dealers.
Quite frankly you're coming off as really picky and asking people to conform to your expectations rather that it being a two-way social transaction. If you can't leave the house, and local people aren't interested in coming over or are a problem, then your sole option IS online. Either Roll20, Fantasy Grounds of Theater of the Mind. AL or not. There are plenty of options to find groups.
That's assuming that I have a local community center, and also assuming that my disability defines me. I literally only am able to leave my current residence to go see my psychiatrist. The town I live in is full of only two types of people; religious zealots and drug dealers.
So it sounds like (a) an FLGS isn't an option anyway, and (b) the real problem is how you prejudge everyone around you. I hope you can find a group online that meets your needs.
While I seriously disbelieve you about your town having nothing but zealots and drug dealers (have you interviewed the entire town? Remarkable for somebody with poor social skills as you claim) and totally ignoring that having Asperger's means you cannot socialise as you imply (having worked with people with this and other such things this is entirely false, if you want to socialise you can if you really want to).
If you do not want to play with people around you then you will have to try online.
If you choose not to do either, you are making the choice to not play D&D so please don't try to blame other people / townsfolk / disability /etc for your choices.
I live in the Bible Belt and have no friends. the only options I have for playing this game are online through Fantasy Grounds or Roll20, or my local FLGS through Adventurer's League. My problem is that I don't enjoy the impersonal and slightly restrictive nature of digital tabletop, and I hate the constraining rules of AL. The community around my location is also very unhealthy and toxic due to our pariah upbringings. Is there anything I can do to alleviate this?
Move
A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.
Do you honestly think you're the only person in your community who feels the way you do about the community? Because your attitude seems to be very self-defeating in that you've given up before you've even tried. Post an advertisement somewhere looking for players. While you may not get the perfect group right away, you also don't know that you won't find a new friend or two by trying.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
― Oscar Wilde.
Tough out the AL scene long enough to find a few non-toxic (or least toxic) people to start up a home game with.
Make new friends and make them new players if you have to.
And the one that seems to have always been the real clencher for me when it comes to starting up groups, which I've had no personal difficult doing in numerous cities scattered across the U.S.A., stop believing that you don't have people near you that are interested in the game and worth playing with, because that is statistically ridiculous (even in the bible belt). I had plenty of players in the Picayune Mississippi and Pearl River/Slidell Louisiana area when I lived there over a decade ago, which is plenty deep in the bible belt and was before table-top gaming had become as generally popular as it is now - I just had to believe I would find them, be willing to teach new players if I couldn't find any, and stop doing the self-defeating gamer thing that is all too common where you think of your own hobby as 'weird' or otherwise not something you should talk about in public and so you and many of the gamers around you are basically playing a form of chicken where they are waiting for the other person(s) to admit being an RPG fan first.
I agree with the other posters. Start up a game. If you don't know anyone who likes to game who you like, post an ad in whatever local store carries board games. Or try meetup.com. Meetup is how I found the group that I'm gaming with now.
Professional computer geek
If finding local players is problematic, and you don't like Roll20 or Fantasy Grounds, there is another option.
Use Skype + D&D Beyond.
No, it's not as personal as being in person with others, but unless you can find like-minded people in your area, the point is rather moot. Using Skype instead of ROll20 or FG, you can at least feel like you are just a group hanging out. Roll real dice. Have real books and PC sheets in front of you if you like, or use DDB for character sheets. It means, however, you will need a DM who is good at Theatre of the Mind.
You don't OWN your books on DDB: WotC can change them any time. What do you think will happen when OneD&D comes out?
Are there conventions you can go to? Even if it isn't near you, you'll probably find other players who have also made the trip. You can always do a mix of online and in person after you've established a group.
I have had pretty good success finding people to play with through Meetup.com.
All of these replies imply that I have the ability and the money to travel and meet people.
I'm assuming that there are other people close to you who are also looking for a way to play D&D other than the Adventurer's League. Even Craigslist has a section for finding activities and you can post an ad on there for free.
Professional computer geek
I forgot to mention my Asperger's as the primary reason why I can't meet people and the reason why I enjoy rpg's. I had a group back when I had "friends" in school. But since they are no longer forced to interact with me, they dropped me like so much garbage. So forgive me if I lack social skills.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
― Oscar Wilde.
You have Asperger's? Maybe try to set up a sort of "Special Needs D&D" at a local community center. The leaders will be happy to set up a nice sort of program, and the people who join will either be:
1. Special Needs people who probably have the same problems with the local nerd community.
2. People nice enough to take time out of their day to work with the disabled, and they will probably not be toxic.
Can you go into more detail on what you don’t like about online games? My Roll20 game feels less impersonal with voice chat and a seperate text chat for keeping in touch between games. We’re currently using Discord for both (we used a Skype/Facebook combo previously, but some players were having browser lag issues). Not sure what advice I can offer on it being restrictive without more to go on, though.
If your local gaming scene is toxic, there’s almost certainly more people like you who have been turned off by it. Trying a “players seeking games” list at your LGS or elsewhere (how local is the public library?) does sound like a good idea. Main obstacle would be who wants to be DM.
You could also try circumventing the usual gaming haunts and finding people through any other interests you might have. In some cases it’s easier to turn friends into gamers than turn gamers into friends...
In my case, I joined my wife’s old college gaming group, as did another guy’s non-alumni wife. (And if you’re near a college, there’s likely some geeky students or geeky graduates who stayed in the area.) I’m no social butterfly myself, but even having one person to vet you into a social circle that’s already smoothed out their social wrinkles can do wonders. Might be more manageable to think of it as making one friend/friendly acquaintance than an entire group at once. Your high school friends didn’t stick around, but maybe you can find someone whose high school friends did. Non-awful coworkers are a possibility, too.
Wear Critical Role t-shirts. You will be surprised about the conversations you get into. In check out lines at the grocery store. At restaurants. I am lucky to have a local university as well... well... the blessing and curse of that... usually by the time you find a group that works well together they graduate. And don't forget to hangout in a local coffee shop if you have one and put a Player's Handbook on the table with your stuff. You don't even have to be obvious about it. It is noticeable if you know what it looks like. And yes, a public library can be a good thing, though people are less inclined to talk too much in there... depending on if they have activities inside or not. And I agree... you are just looking for the first person. Even if both of you are doing the same thing... you'll be talking about it and might know similar people.
That's assuming that I have a local community center, and also assuming that my disability defines me. I literally only am able to leave my current residence to go see my psychiatrist. The town I live in is full of only two types of people; religious zealots and drug dealers.
Quite frankly you're coming off as really picky and asking people to conform to your expectations rather that it being a two-way social transaction. If you can't leave the house, and local people aren't interested in coming over or are a problem, then your sole option IS online. Either Roll20, Fantasy Grounds of Theater of the Mind. AL or not. There are plenty of options to find groups.
While I seriously disbelieve you about your town having nothing but zealots and drug dealers (have you interviewed the entire town? Remarkable for somebody with poor social skills as you claim) and totally ignoring that having Asperger's means you cannot socialise as you imply (having worked with people with this and other such things this is entirely false, if you want to socialise you can if you really want to).
If you do not want to play with people around you then you will have to try online.
If you choose not to do either, you are making the choice to not play D&D so please don't try to blame other people / townsfolk / disability /etc for your choices.
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