My players recently had a session where they kept managing to piss-off NPCs. Each time it was a different player, and each time the other players role-played dragging them off while placating the NPC.
They eventually had enough of one other, and started quibbling. Fighter 1 did something to the rogue that I don't recall. Rogue passed an insight check to figure out it was her. The rogue then passed a stealth check to tie a rope around fighter 1's feet (platemail - no feeling) while she was distracted by the cleric. Fighter 1 failed a dex check and fell flat on her face. The wizard levitated the rogue (rogue failed con save). The rogue threw a grappling hook to try to get some purchase to move, but wizard caught it with mage hand and announced she had a 'rogue balloon'. Rogue poured lamp-oil down the rope, intending to set fire to it to break wizard's concentration - but the wizard beat him to it and sent it alight with prestidigitation before it got all the way down the rope. Rogue threw burning rope at wizard, succeeded to hit, but wizard cast shield, causing it to miss. Finally second fighter flicked wizard on back of neck, rolling a nat 20, and caused 1 hit point of damage to break wizard's concentration.
I was Dming a one shot to get my friends started and they spent half the session figuring how to pick pocket a inn keeper when they had a rouge and a wizard with the invisibility spell. Got to love newbs.
The players were climbing a ladder up to the very top of Helm's Hold. I wasn't going to have them roll for this as it was a pretty straightforward climb. For no reason whatsoever, the not-so-intelligent half-elf paladin calls down to the dwarf below him and the rest of the scene played out as follows:
"Climb on, buddy, I can carry you."
"Why?"
"Trust me, I'm really strong. Come on!"
"Urgh. Fine."
The dwarf jumps on his back.
Me: "Alright, paladin, roll a strength check."
*Rolls a 2*
Paladin: Aw s@#t.
Me: The dwarf jumps on your back and grabs you around the middle. The moment you feel his full weight, you realise he's a lot heavier than you thought and your hands slip from the rung you're holding. You and the dwarf, roll me dexterity saving throws.
Dwarf: Ah, 7!
Paladin: ... 4.
Me: ... you both scrabble at the rungs but you miss, falling from the ladder.
Rogue: Can I throw a rope down at them?
Me: Sure, roll me a dexterity check.
Rogue: 23.
Me: Nice. You predict this is going to happen so as the pair fall, you throw the rope down at them.
Rogue: Grab on, guys!
Me: Right. Please, both of you roll me another dexterity saving throw and don't mess it up.
Dwarf: 15!
Me: You grab the rope and swing safely back to the ladder, grabbing on tight. Paladin?
Paladin: ... natural one.
*Whole party*: Seriously?
He fell 20 feet and messed up his leg so bad they had to spend some time patching him up. :D
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1!
Our Bard, who is an EPIC bard btw, challenged Azmodeus to a fiddle contest. The DM played the devil went down to Georgia while they made performance checks against each other during the song, and the bard won.
Me: You all hear some travelers coming up on the path ahead. Warlock: I jump off the path and blend in as the trees. Rogue: Me too! Warlock: *passes with flying colors* Rogue: *rolls 5* Warlock blends in perfectly with the foliage, while the rogue stands at the side of the road, strikes a t-pose, and shouts “TREE NOISES” at the top of his lungs every thirty seconds. Table: *dies laughing* Me: The travelers roll up to where the rogue is and are very alarmed by the “TREE NOISES” Warlock: I roll deception to convince them that both I and the rogue are trees. Also Warlock: *rolls 22* Me: Okay you walk out into the path while maintaining a perfect t-pose. Warlock: “Hello! I am a tree! And I am here to tell you that that there is also a tree!” Rogue: “TREE NOISES” DM: The travelers accept this without question and pay homage to the very-obviously-a-tree that is so politely talking to them.
Me: You all hear some travelers coming up on the path ahead. Warlock: I jump off the path and blend in as the trees. Rogue: Me too! Warlock: *passes with flying colors* Rogue: *rolls 5* Warlock blends in perfectly with the foliage, while the rogue stands at the side of the road, strikes a t-pose, and shouts “TREE NOISES” at the top of his lungs every thirty seconds. Table: *dies laughing* Me: The travelers roll up to where the rogue is and are very alarmed by the “TREE NOISES” Warlock: I roll deception to convince them that both I and the rogue are trees. Also Warlock: *rolls 22* Me: Okay you walk out into the path while maintaining a perfect t-pose. Warlock: “Hello! I am a tree! And I am here to tell you that that there is also a tree!” Rogue: “TREE NOISES” DM: The travelers accept this without question and pay homage to the very-obviously-a-tree that is so politely talking to them.
The players were climbing a ladder up to the very top of Helm's Hold. I wasn't going to have them roll for this as it was a pretty straightforward climb. For no reason whatsoever, the not-so-intelligent half-elf paladin calls down to the dwarf below him and the rest of the scene played out as follows:
"Climb on, buddy, I can carry you."
"Why?"
"Trust me, I'm really strong. Come on!"
"Urgh. Fine."
The dwarf jumps on his back.
Me: "Alright, paladin, roll a strength check."
*Rolls a 2*
Paladin: Aw s@#t.
Me: The dwarf jumps on your back and grabs you around the middle. The moment you feel his full weight, you realise he's a lot heavier than you thought and your hands slip from the rung you're holding. You and the dwarf, roll me dexterity saving throws.
Dwarf: Ah, 7!
Paladin: ... 4.
Me: ... you both scrabble at the rungs but you miss, falling from the ladder.
Rogue: Can I throw a rope down at them?
Me: Sure, roll me a dexterity check.
Rogue: 23.
Me: Nice. You predict this is going to happen so as the pair fall, you throw the rope down at them.
Rogue: Grab on, guys!
Me: Right. Please, both of you roll me another dexterity saving throw and don't mess it up.
Dwarf: 15!
Me: You grab the rope and swing safely back to the ladder, grabbing on tight. Paladin?
Paladin: ... natural one.
*Whole party*: Seriously?
He fell 20 feet and messed up his leg so bad they had to spend some time patching him up. :D
My party was trying to escape from duergar when my changeling turned into an attractive woman and rolls a 25 on persuasion for the guards to get the party out, not what I had expected
What? Are you telling me that when a very trustworthy tree comes out of the woods and walks up to you to tell you that it is a tree, you wouldn’t believe it? Can you not see how obviously treeish the evident tree is? And why would the tree tell me it was a tree unless it was a tree? Huh? Huh?
Dm'd LMOP. players managed to sneak through crag cave (forget its name) and completely bypass Sildar the NPC they were meant to pick up. make the leader run away, then proceed to chase him out of the cave whilst everything they sneaked past earlier is now alerted and chasing them. Benny hill theme was in my head the whole time i had to DM this chaos and they eventually died from the sheer amount of enemies they had chasing them.
2nd attempt at the same stunt, they somehow manage to leave with 2 Goblin followers. Fred and Jeff, who then proceed to be the stars of the campaign because no matter how hard i tried (and believe me, I F*!KING TRIED!!) they would not die! These two little goblins were used to heal players, were meat shields, carry storage and eventually ended up just basically being part of the party........ What makes this amazing is i had the player that befriended them make checks EVERY DAY FOR A MONTH in the game to check if the goblins were still friendly to them and didnt attack them and steal their gear. He rolled above a 17 EVERY time! after the ingame month i gave up and let the goblins stick around as they had become close friends and companions for the players, to the point one was taught how to read elvish.
Another one is in my homebrew. Fighting against skeletons the players were nearly all killed bar the warforged, partially due to the thunderclap spell being used and damaging the players more than the actual enemys! Warforged decides instead of healing the players he'll heal himself then carry the 1hp players to the closest town for healing. As soon as the halfling is healed to more than 10hp and the shop keeper is distracted pouring potions down his friends throat as the warforged is busy looking at new axes the Halfling decides to start trying to steal potions and trinkets from the shop.
They return to the Inn fully healed and thanking the shopkeeper, paying her about 3x as much as the potions are worth...... With her own money! The halfling still managed to keep 2 potions of healing and a fancy looking pipe. he Immediately started smoking with it and refuses to sell his bejeweled pipe.
I don't know if this counts or is even legal, but my characters just finished a dungeon that they had to run from, one of the characters was knocked out, and hadn't had to make death saving throws, so the wizard, (who has a 16 for strength) picked up the knocked out monk, misty stepped across a pit trap in a hallway that has 3 pit traps that take up the whole width of the hallway and are spaced out every 20 feet and are 10 feet long, 5 feet across, 20 feet deep. Next round, the artificer runs away from the BBNEG (Big Bad Not-Evil Guy), and manages to make it just to the start of the first pit trap he has to cross.
Next round, the monk succeeds on their first death saving throw. The wizard then quickly loops a rope around their body, and casts Thunderwave on the character's dying body at the edge of the 2nd pit trap, she then rolls a Natural 20 to hold onto the character, and so they are both blasted across the 2nd pit. This counts as one failed death saving throw. The BBNEG runs up to the artificer, attacks twice with a +1 greatsword, (he was a special verdan arcane archer that can shift his size, increasing strength as Medium, and increasing Dexterity as small), he misses twice, rolling a natural 1 and 3. The artificer doesn't want him to follow him, so he takes some sticky ooze he collected from a mimic they killed, and he puts it on the BBNEG's shoes, and uses magic to quickly harden it (he rolled really well to do this). He then runs away, the opportunity attack misses.
Third round, the wizard tied the rope around the monk's chest, with him in the middle of the rope. The monk fails his second death saving throw. She grabs one end of the rope and tells the Artificer to grab the other end, and explains her plan. The artificer grabs the other side of the rope, and stabilizes the dying monk. The BBNEG shifts to small form, and readies his bow.
Fourth round, the wizard jumps across the pit, pulling the rope tight so the artificer has an easier time. The monk is floating above the pit trap being pulled by two different ends of rope. The BBNEG shoots an arrow, hits the wizard, almost knocking her out with one hit, misses the second attack. The Artificer runs across the pit, jumps in the air, pulls the rope with him, doesn't bring the monk all the way with him, but him and the wizard drag the monk's body with them.
My characters were losing a fight, so they had to run away, bringing the body of an unconscious character with them, having to use creative ways to do this, misty step, blasting them across with Thunderwave, they then cooperate to string their body above the pit, and have to take turns jumping across.
Not particularly funny, but when the Wizard asked to blast the body across a pit with thunderwave, we all laughed.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
My players were level 2. They encounter a lion in the wilderness. The barbarian asks if he can try to tame it. He roles a nat 1. The lion rushes to attack them. The rest of the party roles animal handling and fails. The party just keeps rolling animal handling. The lion attacks them over the next three turns, knocking out the barbarian and the two fighters. Finally, the rogue attacks the lion and kills it in one turn. The unconscious party members succeeded in their death saving throws, but we all got a good laugh out of that.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
The players needed a scroll to help them translate the Infernal writings they discovered. The Elf who possessed the necessary scroll offered to give it to them if they publicly humiliated the Elf's local rival.
They decided the best way to do that would be Involuntary Castration.
After successfully staking out the house and then breaking in, they cut off the man's favorite toy(as he was asleep in bed with his MANY lovers).
The shrieking alerted his mercenary guards. The guards were a band of Werebears.
So begins a rooftop chase through the night. 4 werebears chasing the 4 adventurers. Through a series of unlucky rolls for the Werebears, the party was able to kill 3 of 4 before the town guard arrived.
Short version: my party decided the best way to humiliate a man was to neuter him in the middle of his lady friends and slaughter his expensive bodyguards.
Beginning of our homebrew one shot. Me, half-orc bard, my cousin, gnome warlock, and our friend, tiefling cleric. Friends name is Kayla. We find rabid bear in forest. Initiative: me, Kayla, cousin, bear. I attack with light hammer. Whiff it. Kayla laughs at me, attacks with warhammer. Nat 1. Hits herself in the toe for 1 damage. Cousin laughs at her, casts hellish rebuke on bear. As she casts the spell, she says “Kayla’s a rat!!!”. Bear drops to one hp. I kill it with dagger. To this day, I still say “Kayla’s a rat!!!” whenever I see her.
My players recently had a session where they kept managing to piss-off NPCs. Each time it was a different player, and each time the other players role-played dragging them off while placating the NPC.
They eventually had enough of one other, and started quibbling.
Fighter 1 did something to the rogue that I don't recall. Rogue passed an insight check to figure out it was her.
The rogue then passed a stealth check to tie a rope around fighter 1's feet (platemail - no feeling) while she was distracted by the cleric. Fighter 1 failed a dex check and fell flat on her face.
The wizard levitated the rogue (rogue failed con save).
The rogue threw a grappling hook to try to get some purchase to move, but wizard caught it with mage hand and announced she had a 'rogue balloon'.
Rogue poured lamp-oil down the rope, intending to set fire to it to break wizard's concentration - but the wizard beat him to it and sent it alight with prestidigitation before it got all the way down the rope.
Rogue threw burning rope at wizard, succeeded to hit, but wizard cast shield, causing it to miss.
Finally second fighter flicked wizard on back of neck, rolling a nat 20, and caused 1 hit point of damage to break wizard's concentration.
I was Dming a one shot to get my friends started and they spent half the session figuring how to pick pocket a inn keeper when they had a rouge and a wizard with the invisibility spell. Got to love newbs.
A halfling polymorphed into a demon and my paladin just wanted to arm wrestle it and ended up breaking the poor things arm
I am leader of the yep cult:https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/off-topic/adohands-kitchen/82135-yep-cult Pronouns are she/her
The players were climbing a ladder up to the very top of Helm's Hold. I wasn't going to have them roll for this as it was a pretty straightforward climb. For no reason whatsoever, the not-so-intelligent half-elf paladin calls down to the dwarf below him and the rest of the scene played out as follows:
"Climb on, buddy, I can carry you."
"Why?"
"Trust me, I'm really strong. Come on!"
"Urgh. Fine."
The dwarf jumps on his back.
Me: "Alright, paladin, roll a strength check."
*Rolls a 2*
Paladin: Aw s@#t.
Me: The dwarf jumps on your back and grabs you around the middle. The moment you feel his full weight, you realise he's a lot heavier than you thought and your hands slip from the rung you're holding. You and the dwarf, roll me dexterity saving throws.
Dwarf: Ah, 7!
Paladin: ... 4.
Me: ... you both scrabble at the rungs but you miss, falling from the ladder.
Rogue: Can I throw a rope down at them?
Me: Sure, roll me a dexterity check.
Rogue: 23.
Me: Nice. You predict this is going to happen so as the pair fall, you throw the rope down at them.
Rogue: Grab on, guys!
Me: Right. Please, both of you roll me another dexterity saving throw and don't mess it up.
Dwarf: 15!
Me: You grab the rope and swing safely back to the ladder, grabbing on tight. Paladin?
Paladin: ... natural one.
*Whole party*: Seriously?
He fell 20 feet and messed up his leg so bad they had to spend some time patching him up. :D
Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1!
Never tell me the DC.
That. Is. Awesome.
Me: You all hear some travelers coming up on the path ahead.
Warlock: I jump off the path and blend in as the trees.
Rogue: Me too!
Warlock: *passes with flying colors*
Rogue: *rolls 5*
Warlock blends in perfectly with the foliage, while the rogue stands at the side of the road, strikes a t-pose, and shouts “TREE NOISES” at the top of his lungs every thirty seconds.
Table: *dies laughing*
Me: The travelers roll up to where the rogue is and are very alarmed by the “TREE NOISES”
Warlock: I roll deception to convince them that both I and the rogue are trees.
Also Warlock: *rolls 22*
Me: Okay you walk out into the path while maintaining a perfect t-pose.
Warlock: “Hello! I am a tree! And I am here to tell you that that there is also a tree!”
Rogue: “TREE NOISES”
DM: The travelers accept this without question and pay homage to the very-obviously-a-tree that is so politely talking to them.
those cant be true
I am leader of the yep cult:https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/off-topic/adohands-kitchen/82135-yep-cult Pronouns are she/her
My man, I could get like 4 witness to corroborate this, but what’s your reasoning?
Just how do they believe the rouge and warlock are trees
I am leader of the yep cult:https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/off-topic/adohands-kitchen/82135-yep-cult Pronouns are she/her
This happened to my friend as he was dming, and the party was killing each other and taking money when this happened:
Player: I use the wand of wonder
DM: that wont help you but okay
Player: *rolls 89* making a stream of gems come out and kill the rest of the party
I am leader of the yep cult:https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/off-topic/adohands-kitchen/82135-yep-cult Pronouns are she/her
My party was trying to escape from duergar when my changeling turned into an attractive woman and rolls a 25 on persuasion for the guards to get the party out, not what I had expected
I am leader of the yep cult:https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/off-topic/adohands-kitchen/82135-yep-cult Pronouns are she/her
Because I’m dm and it was funny so I said so.What? Are you telling me that when a very trustworthy tree comes out of the woods and walks up to you to tell you that it is a tree, you wouldn’t believe it? Can you not see how obviously treeish the evident tree is? And why would the tree tell me it was a tree unless it was a tree? Huh? Huh?
;P :D
Dm'd LMOP. players managed to sneak through crag cave (forget its name) and completely bypass Sildar the NPC they were meant to pick up. make the leader run away, then proceed to chase him out of the cave whilst everything they sneaked past earlier is now alerted and chasing them. Benny hill theme was in my head the whole time i had to DM this chaos and they eventually died from the sheer amount of enemies they had chasing them.
2nd attempt at the same stunt, they somehow manage to leave with 2 Goblin followers. Fred and Jeff, who then proceed to be the stars of the campaign because no matter how hard i tried (and believe me, I F*!KING TRIED!!) they would not die! These two little goblins were used to heal players, were meat shields, carry storage and eventually ended up just basically being part of the party........ What makes this amazing is i had the player that befriended them make checks EVERY DAY FOR A MONTH in the game to check if the goblins were still friendly to them and didnt attack them and steal their gear. He rolled above a 17 EVERY time! after the ingame month i gave up and let the goblins stick around as they had become close friends and companions for the players, to the point one was taught how to read elvish.
Another one is in my homebrew. Fighting against skeletons the players were nearly all killed bar the warforged, partially due to the thunderclap spell being used and damaging the players more than the actual enemys! Warforged decides instead of healing the players he'll heal himself then carry the 1hp players to the closest town for healing. As soon as the halfling is healed to more than 10hp and the shop keeper is distracted pouring potions down his friends throat as the warforged is busy looking at new axes the Halfling decides to start trying to steal potions and trinkets from the shop.
They return to the Inn fully healed and thanking the shopkeeper, paying her about 3x as much as the potions are worth...... With her own money! The halfling still managed to keep 2 potions of healing and a fancy looking pipe. he Immediately started smoking with it and refuses to sell his bejeweled pipe.
If your players think you're reading from a module while you're making everything up, you're doing better than you think!
I don't know if this counts or is even legal, but my characters just finished a dungeon that they had to run from, one of the characters was knocked out, and hadn't had to make death saving throws, so the wizard, (who has a 16 for strength) picked up the knocked out monk, misty stepped across a pit trap in a hallway that has 3 pit traps that take up the whole width of the hallway and are spaced out every 20 feet and are 10 feet long, 5 feet across, 20 feet deep. Next round, the artificer runs away from the BBNEG (Big Bad Not-Evil Guy), and manages to make it just to the start of the first pit trap he has to cross.
Next round, the monk succeeds on their first death saving throw. The wizard then quickly loops a rope around their body, and casts Thunderwave on the character's dying body at the edge of the 2nd pit trap, she then rolls a Natural 20 to hold onto the character, and so they are both blasted across the 2nd pit. This counts as one failed death saving throw. The BBNEG runs up to the artificer, attacks twice with a +1 greatsword, (he was a special verdan arcane archer that can shift his size, increasing strength as Medium, and increasing Dexterity as small), he misses twice, rolling a natural 1 and 3. The artificer doesn't want him to follow him, so he takes some sticky ooze he collected from a mimic they killed, and he puts it on the BBNEG's shoes, and uses magic to quickly harden it (he rolled really well to do this). He then runs away, the opportunity attack misses.
Third round, the wizard tied the rope around the monk's chest, with him in the middle of the rope. The monk fails his second death saving throw. She grabs one end of the rope and tells the Artificer to grab the other end, and explains her plan. The artificer grabs the other side of the rope, and stabilizes the dying monk. The BBNEG shifts to small form, and readies his bow.
Fourth round, the wizard jumps across the pit, pulling the rope tight so the artificer has an easier time. The monk is floating above the pit trap being pulled by two different ends of rope. The BBNEG shoots an arrow, hits the wizard, almost knocking her out with one hit, misses the second attack. The Artificer runs across the pit, jumps in the air, pulls the rope with him, doesn't bring the monk all the way with him, but him and the wizard drag the monk's body with them.
My characters were losing a fight, so they had to run away, bringing the body of an unconscious character with them, having to use creative ways to do this, misty step, blasting them across with Thunderwave, they then cooperate to string their body above the pit, and have to take turns jumping across.
Not particularly funny, but when the Wizard asked to blast the body across a pit with thunderwave, we all laughed.
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
Actual quote from one of my players after he learned about Giff, "I will go to space! And I will be a Hippo! The god of all Hippos!"
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
My players were level 2. They encounter a lion in the wilderness. The barbarian asks if he can try to tame it. He roles a nat 1. The lion rushes to attack them. The rest of the party roles animal handling and fails. The party just keeps rolling animal handling. The lion attacks them over the next three turns, knocking out the barbarian and the two fighters. Finally, the rogue attacks the lion and kills it in one turn. The unconscious party members succeeded in their death saving throws, but we all got a good laugh out of that.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
My first chance as a DM, just a few weeks ago.
The players needed a scroll to help them translate the Infernal writings they discovered. The Elf who possessed the necessary scroll offered to give it to them if they publicly humiliated the Elf's local rival.
They decided the best way to do that would be Involuntary Castration.
After successfully staking out the house and then breaking in, they cut off the man's favorite toy(as he was asleep in bed with his MANY lovers).
The shrieking alerted his mercenary guards. The guards were a band of Werebears.
So begins a rooftop chase through the night. 4 werebears chasing the 4 adventurers. Through a series of unlucky rolls for the Werebears, the party was able to kill 3 of 4 before the town guard arrived.
Short version: my party decided the best way to humiliate a man was to neuter him in the middle of his lady friends and slaughter his expensive bodyguards.
And I would do it again too!
#noregerts
Beginning of our homebrew one shot. Me, half-orc bard, my cousin, gnome warlock, and our friend, tiefling cleric. Friends name is Kayla. We find rabid bear in forest. Initiative: me, Kayla, cousin, bear. I attack with light hammer. Whiff it. Kayla laughs at me, attacks with warhammer. Nat 1. Hits herself in the toe for 1 damage. Cousin laughs at her, casts hellish rebuke on bear. As she casts the spell, she says “Kayla’s a rat!!!”. Bear drops to one hp. I kill it with dagger. To this day, I still say “Kayla’s a rat!!!” whenever I see her.
jack l p
LMAO!!!!!!
jack l p