THE BLACK KNIGHT enters stage left, "I seem to have missed a few bits but mostly seems like Burt was missing a few bits too so thought we'd call it even and I shall comence once again to keep up with any absurdities and stay vigilant for any qwesting type thingamajigs that may appear before us!" He says this with such conviction that all who hear it forget that he had not posted in quite a while and treat him like the brother in armsless that they know him to be. Legless too for that matter.
Legless, btw, I believe is an elf in some story about strings or some such thing? Lard and His Strings, I think the tale is. Something about a young snoutlaw who learns to play the violin so well that it brings tears to the eyes of some guy named Sorrow N. Not sure why they never gave his last name but he was a captain in the Bandits Guild and once Legless had him crying other snoutlaws would burgle his encampment and this led to the current situation wherein those two groups don't quite see eye to eye any longer.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Your darkitude! I hope your incorporeal spirit guide has weathered the weather well in his location. My incorporeal guide wishes he could be of more use, but distance and anonymity interfere.
What are you talking about, legless? You've got lovely lunchmeat limbs. I wish I had another leg to go with these wheels. Come, let us roll and/or stumble off to Qwest Mebbe / Bloody Treasure.
I think that story was by a bard who only got the job to meet some kind of quota - they called him "token" or something. Pretty silly-marillian if you ask me
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Galanodel Deacon Tosh - Less-than-Half-Elf Bard - & -Flitterbug - Pixie Sorceress : Meanwhile in the Westwoods Amadow 'Tug' Rioux - Human Psionic Palooka : Revenge Heist - - - Gofer Bayut - Bugbear Paladin Messenger : Shrouded Sky
As you leave town, those convenient street lights stop abruptly. If any of you have Darkvision or lit a torch, now would be a good time to declare it.
Through the dark, dark day you stumble north-east along the Larch path which - as I'm sure you remember - leads up into the hills a little south of where the villagers marked a possible quest and a little north of where the stained map showed Tricklerock Cave and the so called "Bloody Treasure".
Around you the night-morning comes to life with the sounds of owls trying to out-hoot sparrows, bats pouncing on helpless butterflies, a gang of hedgehogs terrorizing a confused deer. Occasionally you feel the hard mud beneath your feet give way to spongey grass and adjust your course to stay on the path. The lights of Red Larch fade into the black behind you like Al Jolson hiding in a coal shed, but it's hard to tell how far you've come without landmarks or a sun in the sky to gauge by. It's almost as if taking the world for granted earlier on is biting you in the arse hard. Sooner or later you'll need to head east or west towards one of those X's on the map, but when?
In the distance, a little left of where you think the road is going, you can see a twinkle of lights, but it's hard to tell what it is at this distance. A fire. A house. A gateway to some barbecue-themed hell - who knows? In the distance ahead something howls mournfully, as if grieving for the sun or bemoaning the never-ending workday that the nocturnal animals are trapped in.
What would you like to do? Within the scope of the game, of course - I don't want to hear your fantasies about Katheryn Winnick.
Greg checks his character sheet pack Ah yes, torches, and something to light one with, how thoughtful of somebody.He lights one. Why not head for those lights? we'll never get into any trouble by avoiding trouble. Couldn't we judge exact distances from triangulating these two fine products of expert cartography?
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Galanodel Deacon Tosh - Less-than-Half-Elf Bard - & -Flitterbug - Pixie Sorceress : Meanwhile in the Westwoods Amadow 'Tug' Rioux - Human Psionic Palooka : Revenge Heist - - - Gofer Bayut - Bugbear Paladin Messenger : Shrouded Sky
So wait...that story was written by the token black guy?
Burt, paying 0 attention to anyone else, lights a torch as well, and declares in a loud, confident voice befitting the one who came up with the idea, Hey! We should head towards those lights! I think that's the best course of action here, wouldn't you all agree with this idea that is mine?
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian(Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
As you head away from the trail into the grass, the distant twinkling grows brighter, slowly resolving into the windows and open doorway of a farmstead, lit from the inside by bright lamps. The howling grows louder too, and unmistakably lupine. If you don't know what that means, I guess it was mistakable after all! There - in the light from the doorway - the silhouette of a wolf, feet planted and head raised to the blackened sky in a cry that as yet goes unanswered. Getting closer still, there's another noise audible now - less loud, higher pitched, and a little less re-un-mistakable. A woman's cry for help. You can't see from here if she has legs or is a catholic, before you ask.
Who the hell cares if she's got legs? I know one thing she's got.Burt gets a strange look in his eye as he heads toward the house, pulling out his sword, and also his rapier, and heading towards the wolf. On his way, he'll cast animal friendship. Look here, wolf! I'm just tryna get in that house. We will allow you to move along.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian(Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
This post has potentially manipulated dice roll results.
Wis 16 vs DC14
Ruh-roh!
The wolf stops baying at the sky a moment, looking distracted as Burt weaves his charms, but shakes his head as those weaves unravel. Seeing the torches approach it growls, baring it's teeth which would look a lot more frightening if you could see them clearly in daytime, then barks out what sounds like "Ruys! Rouble rumming!"Inside the house you can hear the clatter of pots and pans and toppling furniture as something (or things?) reacts.
You're about 30 yards from the farmstead door with the wolf right outside. I could draw you a map but given you guys couldn't even be arsed to memorise your own character's names, well I don't really see the point... If you're initiating combat roll init. If you're posturing - well, posture away.
I guess I have to wait until everyone else rolls to see how this fits, but Stumpy will Rage it up, and roll to the left side (leaving room for boss to sword away) of the Scooby Wolf, 10 feet away, and
Attack with Glaive 12 if hit damage is 10
I'll show you Rubble! And your Ruys, too! Rum on!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Galanodel Deacon Tosh - Less-than-Half-Elf Bard - & -Flitterbug - Pixie Sorceress : Meanwhile in the Westwoods Amadow 'Tug' Rioux - Human Psionic Palooka : Revenge Heist - - - Gofer Bayut - Bugbear Paladin Messenger : Shrouded Sky
The wolf? I'm not sure if it's a she. Let's find out?
3 - Evens is female.
ruh-roh! Cha save -1 vs Burt's impregnation power of DC 14
Yes. Yes she is pregnant. And if there's one thing more dangerous than a pregnant mother, it's a pregnant mother with a violent interspecies boyfriend. INIT!
Wolf Init 22
Never say I do nothing for ya! Look at the tactical possibilities! Head on charge! uh.... Retreat...?
Iradon does the most powerful lick ever, and then opens his eyes and realised he accidentally thought 1d110 but only did a reality of 7, even if he missed (though it was a powerful miss still)
And I have to submit this to find out where that falls before I can narrate what happens in round one, so while I do that please hold.
Of course. Of course he goes first. For ****s sake...
Meanwhile, TBK Goes... 16
And so it is -
Burt - Iradon - TBK - Team Wolf - Stumpy
Burt darts forward with cat-like speed, his blade penetrating the shewolf's flesh as easily as his pure machismo did her womb but seconds ago. Had she more than 4 int and a more expressive snout she might grin wryly and ponder which of the two was truly Rapier. But she's too busy bleeding and howling "Ry Raby! Ry Raby!"
Con save : 13 -> Don't worry peeps, the wolf/human baby survived! For now.
From up on the roof comes the sound of a previously screaming woman cackling at the irony. (You'll have to trust me that it's ironic that this wolf - who was terrorizing the halfling mother and her children - is now in turn having her own nascent family terrorized by marauding ruffians. Because you can't see that she's a halfling or a mother. She might just be crouching and holding on to a couple of bags of grain. You don't know. Just trust me. And stop peeking at my notes!)
Iradon's tongue lashes out at the Wolf's head, but she's slipping in her own blood and her head is not where it was a moment ago. The umbral appendage flicks through the empty space above her before snapping back into his maw.
Then everyone stops and look accusingly at The Black Knight, waiting to see what he'll do next.
Oh fine....we'll just start with the ⅄ɐʍqns map since it's the first one I guess. Jeez...DM's getting even lazier with this crap.
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
THE BLACK KNIGHT enters stage left, "I seem to have missed a few bits but mostly seems like Burt was missing a few bits too so thought we'd call it even and I shall comence once again to keep up with any absurdities and stay vigilant for any qwesting type thingamajigs that may appear before us!" He says this with such conviction that all who hear it forget that he had not posted in quite a while and treat him like the brother in armsless that they know him to be. Legless too for that matter.
Legless, btw, I believe is an elf in some story about strings or some such thing? Lard and His Strings, I think the tale is. Something about a young snoutlaw who learns to play the violin so well that it brings tears to the eyes of some guy named Sorrow N. Not sure why they never gave his last name but he was a captain in the Bandits Guild and once Legless had him crying other snoutlaws would burgle his encampment and this led to the current situation wherein those two groups don't quite see eye to eye any longer.
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Other personalities... Burgee , The Colorless Knight, Fiorello, RW Goodbarrel, Dred, Evrik - Out of the Abyss & Dungeon of the Mad Mage
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Your darkitude! I hope your incorporeal spirit guide has weathered the weather well in his location. My incorporeal guide wishes he could be of more use, but distance and anonymity interfere.
What are you talking about, legless? You've got lovely lunchmeat limbs. I wish I had another leg to go with these wheels. Come, let us roll and/or stumble off to Qwest Mebbe / Bloody Treasure.
I think that story was by a bard who only got the job to meet some kind of quota - they called him "token" or something. Pretty silly-marillian if you ask me
Galanodel Deacon Tosh - Less-than-Half-Elf Bard - & - Flitterbug - Pixie Sorceress : Meanwhile in the Westwoods
Amadow 'Tug' Rioux - Human Psionic Palooka : Revenge Heist - - - Gofer Bayut - Bugbear Paladin Messenger : Shrouded Sky
As you leave town, those convenient street lights stop abruptly. If any of you have Darkvision or lit a torch, now would be a good time to declare it.
Through the dark, dark day you stumble north-east along the Larch path which - as I'm sure you remember - leads up into the hills a little south of where the villagers marked a possible quest and a little north of where the stained map showed Tricklerock Cave and the so called "Bloody Treasure".
Around you the night-morning comes to life with the sounds of owls trying to out-hoot sparrows, bats pouncing on helpless butterflies, a gang of hedgehogs terrorizing a confused deer. Occasionally you feel the hard mud beneath your feet give way to spongey grass and adjust your course to stay on the path. The lights of Red Larch fade into the black behind you like Al Jolson hiding in a coal shed, but it's hard to tell how far you've come without landmarks or a sun in the sky to gauge by. It's almost as if taking the world for granted earlier on is biting you in the arse hard. Sooner or later you'll need to head east or west towards one of those X's on the map, but when?
In the distance, a little left of where you think the road is going, you can see a twinkle of lights, but it's hard to tell what it is at this distance. A fire. A house. A gateway to some barbecue-themed hell - who knows? In the distance ahead something howls mournfully, as if grieving for the sun or bemoaning the never-ending workday that the nocturnal animals are trapped in.
What would you like to do? Within the scope of the game, of course - I don't want to hear your fantasies about Katheryn Winnick.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Greg checks his
character sheetpack Ah yes, torches, and something to light one with, how thoughtful of somebody. He lights one. Why not head for those lights? we'll never get into any trouble by avoiding trouble. Couldn't we judge exact distances from triangulating these two fine products of expert cartography?Galanodel Deacon Tosh - Less-than-Half-Elf Bard - & - Flitterbug - Pixie Sorceress : Meanwhile in the Westwoods
Amadow 'Tug' Rioux - Human Psionic Palooka : Revenge Heist - - - Gofer Bayut - Bugbear Paladin Messenger : Shrouded Sky
Iradon goes to light a torch, but then Greg lights it first. Instead Iradon takes the hint to head towards the lights
After joining more my signature got out of hand so I am now a proud member of the extended signature club!! :)
So wait...that story was written by the token black guy?
Burt, paying 0 attention to anyone else, lights a torch as well, and declares in a loud, confident voice befitting the one who came up with the idea, Hey! We should head towards those lights! I think that's the best course of action here, wouldn't you all agree with this idea that is mine?
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
Good idea boss. of course it is yours. Who's a big stwong bossy-poo not missing any parts?
Token catholic guy I think. Extra prejudices back then.
Galanodel Deacon Tosh - Less-than-Half-Elf Bard - & - Flitterbug - Pixie Sorceress : Meanwhile in the Westwoods
Amadow 'Tug' Rioux - Human Psionic Palooka : Revenge Heist - - - Gofer Bayut - Bugbear Paladin Messenger : Shrouded Sky
Ahh...nothing like some extra prejudice to get those Legless stories flowing.
Thank you. And it's me. I'm the stwong bossy-poo.
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
As you head away from the trail into the grass, the distant twinkling grows brighter, slowly resolving into the windows and open doorway of a farmstead, lit from the inside by bright lamps. The howling grows louder too, and unmistakably lupine. If you don't know what that means, I guess it was mistakable after all! There - in the light from the doorway - the silhouette of a wolf, feet planted and head raised to the blackened sky in a cry that as yet goes unanswered. Getting closer still, there's another noise audible now - less loud, higher pitched, and a little less re-un-mistakable. A woman's cry for help. You can't see from here if she has legs or is a catholic, before you ask.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Who the hell cares if she's got legs? I know one thing she's got. Burt gets a strange look in his eye as he heads toward the house, pulling out his sword, and also his rapier, and heading towards the wolf. On his way, he'll cast animal friendship. Look here, wolf! I'm just tryna get in that house. We will allow you to move along.
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
Wis 16 vs DC14
Ruh-roh!
The wolf stops baying at the sky a moment, looking distracted as Burt weaves his charms, but shakes his head as those weaves unravel. Seeing the torches approach it growls, baring it's teeth which would look a lot more frightening if you could see them clearly in daytime, then barks out what sounds like "Ruys! Rouble rumming!" Inside the house you can hear the clatter of pots and pans and toppling furniture as something (or things?) reacts.
You're about 30 yards from the farmstead door with the wolf right outside. I could draw you a map but given you guys couldn't even be arsed to memorise your own character's names, well I don't really see the point... If you're initiating combat roll init. If you're posturing - well, posture away.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Does she look impregnated by Burt before?
After joining more my signature got out of hand so I am now a proud member of the extended signature club!! :)
Initiative 16
I guess I have to wait until everyone else rolls to see how this fits, but Stumpy will Rage it up, and roll to the left side (leaving room for boss to sword away) of the Scooby Wolf, 10 feet away, and
Attack with Glaive 12 if hit damage is 10
I'll show you Rubble! And your Ruys, too! Rum on!
Galanodel Deacon Tosh - Less-than-Half-Elf Bard - & - Flitterbug - Pixie Sorceress : Meanwhile in the Westwoods
Amadow 'Tug' Rioux - Human Psionic Palooka : Revenge Heist - - - Gofer Bayut - Bugbear Paladin Messenger : Shrouded Sky
The wolf? I'm not sure if it's a she. Let's find out?
3 - Evens is female.
ruh-roh! Cha save -1 vs Burt's impregnation power of DC 14
Yes. Yes she is pregnant. And if there's one thing more dangerous than a pregnant mother, it's a pregnant mother with a violent interspecies boyfriend. INIT!
Wolf Init 22
Never say I do nothing for ya! Look at the tactical possibilities! Head on charge! uh.... Retreat...?
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Oooh, fancy! Obviously Greg means to the wolf's left, now that the map clears the situation, is where he will eventually have his failed attack
Galanodel Deacon Tosh - Less-than-Half-Elf Bard - & - Flitterbug - Pixie Sorceress : Meanwhile in the Westwoods
Amadow 'Tug' Rioux - Human Psionic Palooka : Revenge Heist - - - Gofer Bayut - Bugbear Paladin Messenger : Shrouded Sky
Burt yells, Time for an abortion, baby!!! Then charges in with his rapier: Attack: 14 Damage: 5
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
Init: 6
Action eldritch lick: Attack: 13 Damage: 50
Iradon does the most powerful lick ever, and then opens his eyes and realised he accidentally thought 1d110 but only did a reality of 7, even if he missed (though it was a powerful miss still)
After joining more my signature got out of hand so I am now a proud member of the extended signature club!! :)
Burt's init (because he's too cool to roll) is 16
And I have to submit this to find out where that falls before I can narrate what happens in round one, so while I do that please hold.
Of course. Of course he goes first. For ****s sake...
Meanwhile, TBK Goes... 16
And so it is -
Burt - Iradon - TBK - Team Wolf - Stumpy
Burt darts forward with cat-like speed, his blade penetrating the shewolf's flesh as easily as his pure machismo did her womb but seconds ago. Had she more than 4 int and a more expressive snout she might grin wryly and ponder which of the two was truly Rapier. But she's too busy bleeding and howling "Ry Raby! Ry Raby!"
Con save : 13 -> Don't worry peeps, the wolf/human baby survived! For now.
From up on the roof comes the sound of a previously screaming woman cackling at the irony. (You'll have to trust me that it's ironic that this wolf - who was terrorizing the halfling mother and her children - is now in turn having her own nascent family terrorized by marauding ruffians. Because you can't see that she's a halfling or a mother. She might just be crouching and holding on to a couple of bags of grain. You don't know. Just trust me. And stop peeking at my notes!)
Iradon's tongue lashes out at the Wolf's head, but she's slipping in her own blood and her head is not where it was a moment ago. The umbral appendage flicks through the empty space above her before snapping back into his maw.
Then everyone stops and look accusingly at The Black Knight, waiting to see what he'll do next.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk