This is my first attempt at homebrewing anything and was hoping for any constructive feedback or opinions. If this is not the correct spot in the forums, I apologize as I'm new to the forums as well. This is a sub-class for the cleric. Focusing a bit more on melee combat. I've tried to tie the sub class around the goddess Eillistraee Sword Dancers. I plan on using this homebrew for a campaign at the end of June and am just looking to make sure its not broken or op. I appreciate any feedback or opinions.
Version 3.0
Domain Spells
1st-level Eillistraee Domain feature
You gain domain spells at the cleric levels listed in the Eillistraee Domain Spells table.
You gain proficiency with martial weapons and the performance skill if you do not already have it. You also gain proficiency with one musical instrument of your choice.
Lady of the Dance's Sword Dance 1st-level Eilistraee Domain Feature
You spend an hour preforming a sword dance ritual creating a bond with a bladed weapon. By Shedding a small amount of blood and invoking Eilistraee's favor through a ritual dance around the weapon. Once the ritiual is completed you gain the following benefits while holding the bonded weapon. You can only have one bonded weapon at a time.
The weapon is considered a holy symbol
Shines with a dim light when drawn
You can use your Dexterity instead of strength for weapon attacks with the bonded weapon.
The Dancing Goddess's Circle of Song 1st-level Eilistraee Domain
The Ritual of The Run as taught you that some times the art of Music, Dance or Singing can be more effective then the Art of the Sword.
-When you make a Persuasion check, you make a performance check instead. As you charm them with your Dancing, singing, or playing an instrument. If Music is already playing you can sing or dance to the music to gain advantage on the check. -Whenever you are hit with an attack you can use your reaction make a performance check with the DC equal to the attack roll. In a success you cause the attack to miss. You have disadvantage on the check if you are not aware of the attack and can't be used against a Nat 20.
You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Proficiency modifier. You regain all expanded uses when you finish a long rest.
Channel Divinity: The Moon Maiden's Grace
2nd-level Eilistraee Domain feature
You can use your Channel Divinity to invoke Eillistraee's Grace, causing your body to glow with silvery light offering protection to your allies.
As an action, you present your holy symbol, causing your body to glow with silvery dim light as shaft's of moonlight radiate from you to nearby allies sharing with them a portion of Eillistraee's Grace.
Choose a number of creatures equal to your Wisdom modifier within 30ft of you. You bestow a mote of Grace on them for 1 minute. A creature can use their reaction to consume the mote giving them one of two choices
-When they are hit with an attack, the mote can be consumed to gain resistance to the attack. OR -When making a saving throw or ability check, the mote can be consumed to roll the saving throw with advantage.
Once the mote is consume it is gone, but a small amount of grace lingers giving you 1d4 temporary hit points untill the end of your next turn.
Channel Divinity: Dark Maiden's Hunting Horn 6th-level Eilistraee Domain Feature
You can use your Channel Divinity to sound the Dark Maiden's Hunting Horn invoking the ritual of The Hunt. You have declared a creature is a threat in the eyes of the Dark Maiden and must be hunted. As an action you can choose one creature within 30 ft. that creature must be a Aberration, Beast, Dragon, Fiend, Monstrosity, Undead or a Humanoid of evil alignment.
For the next minute you and up to 4 other creatures of your choice gain advantage on their first attack each turn against the creature. If the creature dies while the Ritual of The Hunt is active members of the hunt gain temporary hit points equal to 1d6+ your Wisdom Modifier as the Dark Maiden blesses the ritual's completion. However, you are bound by the ritual, which requires you to complete the ritual with no armor or ranged weapons. If your wearing armor it becomes incorporeal leaving you vulnerable. For the duration of The Hunt you do not benefit from any armor or shields.
The ritual of The Hunt fails and ends early if you end your turn more than 30 ft way from the creature, move away from the creature or use a range weapon. A Failed Ritual causes you to have disadvantage to attacks and ability checks for 1 minute.
Divine Flourish (Strike)
8th-level Eilistraee Domain feature
You gain the ability to infuse your weapon strikes with divine energy. Once on each of your turns when you hit a creature with a weapon attack, you can cause the attack to deal an extra 1d8 radiant damage. When you reach 14th level, the extra damage increases to 2d8.
SpellSong (CHANGE OR REPLACE)
17th-level Eilistraee Domain feature
While under the effect of your Sword Dance spells do no require Somatic components.
Also you can cast any Cleric Spell you have not prepared using a appropriate spell slot. If the spell is 6th level or lower it does not consume the spell slot. This feature can be used once per long rest.
Eillistraee is drow goddess of beauty, song, dance, freedom, moonlight, sword-work, and hunting. Lets see if we can reflect these elements
1: Spell list. This looks very nice! Moonlight is represented through blinding smite and moonbeam. Dance & freedom can be embraced through haste! This can give you a bonus attack, and really creates the feeling of freedom. Swordwork & hunting: while your rendition of the spell list and subclass as a whole is much more paladin like, you could also try to embrace some of the more ranger-like spells: hunter's mark, etc. Devine strike isn't just melee. Maybe archery?
2: Fighting style. Useful, but not unique.
3: Sword Dance (the Channel Divinity) is a little underpowered. In general, I think you should move a bit away from the swords bard in terms of inspiration (even though the swords bard is on the dot perfect for what you want.) Buff allies with your channel divinity. Improve their movement speeds, give them a 1d4 bonus to all attack rolls, help their armor classes, protect them from harm. The sword dancers are known to be diplomats and teachers in addition to combatants. Find a mix between sword bard & oath of glory!
4: Extra Attack Works. Including cantrips into the mix can be a problem. How about CLERIC cantrips? No free eldritch blast? Note that not even the war domain has a base extra attack at level 6. What is your subclass outside of combat?
5: Divine Strike is normal.
6: Spellsong is too vague. It has the potential to be SO powerful, but the limit placed on it is SO small. I don't think that this fits the theme of the goddess, and is just a genaric way to boost damage for a melee class. The 17th level ability is the only thing special that clerics get post level 10. Make it distinct!
I hope that you find use for my feedback. If you don't like it, don't make changes! Great job on your first homebrew.
1: the Temp HP seems like a lot. It’s a really high amount of Temp HP per turn. I’d recommend something like Wis+(Level/4) or something like that.
2: Cleric domains, even the weapon ones, don’t usually get Extra Attack. I’m not really sure what you should replace it with though.
3: This is pretty good for a first homebrew (leagues better than my first). As most first creations are, it’s very combat focused (though almost all of the cleric domains are, so it’s not an issue).
I’m confused why Smith's Tools is on the list, it doesn’t seem to fit a goddess of “beauty, song, dance, freedom, moonlight, sword-work, and hunting.” Why not something more like:
Bonus Proficiencies
1st-level Eilistraee Domain feature
You gain proficiency with martial weapons and the performance if you do not already have it. You also gain proficiency with one musical instrument of your choice and can use an instrument of that type as a holy symbol.
Your “Sword Dance” feature is just a direct knockoff of the Bladesinger’s Blade Song Feature, even the name is similar. The only difference is the THP instead of the AC boost. (You’re Extra [special] Attack is also a direct knockoff of the Bladesinger’s version of Extra Attack too.) If wat you want is a Clerical Bladesinger then you nailed it. But the Blade Song is that Wizard’s whole thing, and Cannel Divinity features usually aren’t nearly so defining for Cleric Subclasses. You can do to make your subclass a bit more unique Perhaps something along the lines of:
Channel Divinity: Sword Dance
2nd-level Eillistraee Domain feature
You can use your Channel Divinity to invoke the blessing of Ellistraee’s music to assist you in combat.
As an action, you play an instrument that counts as a holy symbol. For the next minute you gain the following benefits:
At the start of your turn you gain (1d4 + your cleric level) temp hp.
Your walking speed increases by 10 feet.
Whenever you are hit with an attack you can make a performance check with a DC equal to the attack roll. In a success you cause the attack to miss.
Whenever you are forced to make a concentration check you can choose to make a performance check instead of a Constitution saving throw.
I will defer to WallineDungeonMaster’s suggestions as to subclass specific spells and the alteration to Extra Attack only working with Cleric Cantrips.
One final suggestion for your capstone feature:
SpellSong
17th-level Eilistraee Domain feature
While under the effect of your Sword Dance, you do no require Somatic components to cast your Cleric spells.
In addition, you can cast any Cleric Spell of 6th-level or lower tat you have not prepared without explaining a spell slot. Once you use this feature you cannot do so again until you finish a long rest.
Thank you all for your suggestions and feedback. I have made some changes based on some of the feedback. I do plan on removeing the extra attack and attempt to replace it with something non combat, as well as doing something with the capstone ability.
I wouldn’t say you have to make it non-combat, in fact, some like the Tempest Domain are entirely combat, and you are already giving some RP stuff (proficiencies).
I’d just say figure something out that isn’t Extra Attack, something more flavorful, that doesn’t interact poorly with Divine Strike but still encourages melee combat. Maybe inflict disadvantage on their next attack roll to people you hit with melee weapon attacks as a sort of darting blow?
For your more recent modifications, consider dropping the part that lets you use Dex on weapons. Rapiers and Scimitars, two fairly graceful weapons, already exist with the Finesse property, and it’s better to avoid unintended consequences.
For the moonlight sphere, resistance to everything for a while is very strong, even though you have to give up bonus action spells like Spiritual Weapon and Healing Word for it. Maybe have a bit of it that says creatures of your choice that start their turn in the radius can use their reaction to gain resistance to all damage until the start of their next turn, instead of the current effect.
I like it a lot already, It’s great to see how much it’s improved so far!
Removed the extra attack and added a second Channel Divinity. Dark Maiden's Hunting Horn
I changed the the 1st channel divinity, from all allies in range to a limited number as well as changed the damage resistance from several rounds to 1 attack with reaction and gave it 2 other options. as well as some of the flavor
I removed the dex to dmg from the sword dance. but I kept dex to attack. I just feel given the fact sword dancers are suppose to be agile, and acrobatic specially in combat along with proficient in nearly all bladed weapons dex makes more sense than strength. also it doesn't give Finesse so don't have to worry about sneak attack. but I could be wrong.
I also added a second lv 1 feature: Circle of Song( place holder name). To give something that represents them being arts and diplomatic. as part of this I moved the performance parry reaction from the sword dance to this. and tied them both to a limited number a day.
also just re-flavored divine strike to divine flourish, just because lol.
The level 17 feature still alludes me. I know I want it to revolve around spellsong since that seems to be a good part of them from lore. Just not sure how to do it. But the campaign I want to use this in doesn't go to 17, so I'm in now rush.
Other than that I feel like its in a good place. I like how it has turned out so far. I would love any feedback or opinions. particularly toward any tuning or balancing.
I do Greatly appreciate everyone's feedback. It has made a big difference. Even if its broken as hell it feels much cooler and more unique than what I started with. lol.
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This is my first attempt at homebrewing anything and was hoping for any constructive feedback or opinions. If this is not the correct spot in the forums, I apologize as I'm new to the forums as well. This is a sub-class for the cleric. Focusing a bit more on melee combat. I've tried to tie the sub class around the goddess Eillistraee Sword Dancers. I plan on using this homebrew for a campaign at the end of June and am just looking to make sure its not broken or op. I appreciate any feedback or opinions.
Version 3.0
Domain Spells
1st-level Eillistraee Domain feature
You gain domain spells at the cleric levels listed in the Eillistraee Domain Spells table.
Eilistraee Domain Spells
Cleric Level
Spells
1st
Hunter's Mark, Magic Missile
3rd
Moonbeam, Magic Weapon
5th
Haste, Blinding Smite
7th
Freedom of Movement, Fabricate
9th
Commune, Wall of Light
Bonus Proficiencies
1st-level Eilistraee Domain feature
You gain proficiency with martial weapons and the performance skill if you do not already have it. You also gain proficiency with one musical instrument of your choice.
Lady of the Dance's Sword Dance
1st-level Eilistraee Domain Feature
You spend an hour preforming a sword dance ritual creating a bond with a bladed weapon. By Shedding a small amount of blood and invoking Eilistraee's favor through a ritual dance around the weapon. Once the ritiual is completed you gain the following benefits while holding the bonded weapon. You can only have one bonded weapon at a time.
The Dancing Goddess's Circle of Song
1st-level Eilistraee Domain
The Ritual of The Run as taught you that some times the art of Music, Dance or Singing can be more effective then the Art of the Sword.
-When you make a Persuasion check, you make a performance check instead. As you charm them with your Dancing, singing, or playing an instrument. If Music is already playing you can sing or dance to the music to gain advantage on the check.
-Whenever you are hit with an attack you can use your reaction make a performance check with the DC equal to the attack roll. In a success you cause the attack to miss. You have disadvantage on the check if you are not aware of the attack and can't be used against a Nat 20.
You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Proficiency modifier. You regain all expanded uses when you finish a long rest.
Channel Divinity: The Moon Maiden's Grace
2nd-level Eilistraee Domain feature
You can use your Channel Divinity to invoke Eillistraee's Grace, causing your body to glow with silvery light offering protection to your allies.
As an action, you present your holy symbol, causing your body to glow with silvery dim light as shaft's of moonlight radiate from you to nearby allies sharing with them a portion of Eillistraee's Grace.
Choose a number of creatures equal to your Wisdom modifier within 30ft of you. You bestow a mote of Grace on them for 1 minute. A creature can use their reaction to consume the mote giving them one of two choices
-When they are hit with an attack, the mote can be consumed to gain resistance to the attack.
OR
-When making a saving throw or ability check, the mote can be consumed to roll the saving throw with advantage.
Once the mote is consume it is gone, but a small amount of grace lingers giving you 1d4 temporary hit points untill the end of your next turn.
Channel Divinity: Dark Maiden's Hunting Horn
6th-level Eilistraee Domain Feature
You can use your Channel Divinity to sound the Dark Maiden's Hunting Horn invoking the ritual of The Hunt. You have declared a creature is a threat in the eyes of the Dark Maiden and must be hunted.
As an action you can choose one creature within 30 ft. that creature must be a Aberration, Beast, Dragon, Fiend, Monstrosity, Undead or a Humanoid of evil alignment.
For the next minute you and up to 4 other creatures of your choice gain advantage on their first attack each turn against the creature. If the creature dies while the Ritual of The Hunt is active members of the hunt gain temporary hit points equal to 1d6+ your Wisdom Modifier as the Dark Maiden blesses the ritual's completion.
However, you are bound by the ritual, which requires you to complete the ritual with no armor or ranged weapons. If your wearing armor it becomes incorporeal leaving you vulnerable. For the duration of The Hunt you do not benefit from any armor or shields.
The ritual of The Hunt fails and ends early if you end your turn more than 30 ft way from the creature, move away from the creature or use a range weapon. A Failed Ritual causes you to have disadvantage to attacks and ability checks for 1 minute.
Divine Flourish (Strike)
8th-level Eilistraee Domain feature
You gain the ability to infuse your weapon strikes with divine energy. Once on each of your turns when you hit a creature with a weapon attack, you can cause the attack to deal an extra 1d8 radiant damage. When you reach 14th level, the extra damage increases to 2d8.
SpellSong (CHANGE OR REPLACE)
17th-level Eilistraee Domain feature
While under the effect of your Sword Dance spells do no require Somatic components.
Also you can cast any Cleric Spell you have not prepared using a appropriate spell slot. If the spell is 6th level or lower it does not consume the spell slot. This feature can be used once per long rest.
Eillistraee is drow goddess of beauty, song, dance, freedom, moonlight, sword-work, and hunting. Lets see if we can reflect these elements
1: Spell list. This looks very nice! Moonlight is represented through blinding smite and moonbeam. Dance & freedom can be embraced through haste! This can give you a bonus attack, and really creates the feeling of freedom. Swordwork & hunting: while your rendition of the spell list and subclass as a whole is much more paladin like, you could also try to embrace some of the more ranger-like spells: hunter's mark, etc. Devine strike isn't just melee. Maybe archery?
2: Fighting style. Useful, but not unique.
3: Sword Dance (the Channel Divinity) is a little underpowered. In general, I think you should move a bit away from the swords bard in terms of inspiration (even though the swords bard is on the dot perfect for what you want.) Buff allies with your channel divinity. Improve their movement speeds, give them a 1d4 bonus to all attack rolls, help their armor classes, protect them from harm. The sword dancers are known to be diplomats and teachers in addition to combatants. Find a mix between sword bard & oath of glory!
4: Extra Attack Works. Including cantrips into the mix can be a problem. How about CLERIC cantrips? No free eldritch blast? Note that not even the war domain has a base extra attack at level 6. What is your subclass outside of combat?
5: Divine Strike is normal.
6: Spellsong is too vague. It has the potential to be SO powerful, but the limit placed on it is SO small. I don't think that this fits the theme of the goddess, and is just a genaric way to boost damage for a melee class. The 17th level ability is the only thing special that clerics get post level 10. Make it distinct!
I hope that you find use for my feedback. If you don't like it, don't make changes! Great job on your first homebrew.
My only good homebrews: Races, Subclasses.
An aspiring DM and Homebrewer. Ask me if you need anything.
3 main things,
1: the Temp HP seems like a lot. It’s a really high amount of Temp HP per turn. I’d recommend something like Wis+(Level/4) or something like that.
2: Cleric domains, even the weapon ones, don’t usually get Extra Attack. I’m not really sure what you should replace it with though.
3: This is pretty good for a first homebrew (leagues better than my first). As most first creations are, it’s very combat focused (though almost all of the cleric domains are, so it’s not an issue).
I’m confused why Smith's Tools is on the list, it doesn’t seem to fit a goddess of “beauty, song, dance, freedom, moonlight, sword-work, and hunting.” Why not something more like:
Your “Sword Dance” feature is just a direct knockoff of the Bladesinger’s Blade Song Feature, even the name is similar. The only difference is the THP instead of the AC boost. (You’re Extra [special] Attack is also a direct knockoff of the Bladesinger’s version of Extra Attack too.) If wat you want is a Clerical Bladesinger then you nailed it. But the Blade Song is that Wizard’s whole thing, and Cannel Divinity features usually aren’t nearly so defining for Cleric Subclasses. You can do to make your subclass a bit more unique Perhaps something along the lines of:
I will defer to WallineDungeonMaster’s suggestions as to subclass specific spells and the alteration to Extra Attack only working with Cleric Cantrips.
One final suggestion for your capstone feature:
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Thank you all for your suggestions and feedback. I have made some changes based on some of the feedback. I do plan on removeing the extra attack and attempt to replace it with something non combat, as well as doing something with the capstone ability.
Again thank you its been a bit help.
I wouldn’t say you have to make it non-combat, in fact, some like the Tempest Domain are entirely combat, and you are already giving some RP stuff (proficiencies).
I’d just say figure something out that isn’t Extra Attack, something more flavorful, that doesn’t interact poorly with Divine Strike but still encourages melee combat. Maybe inflict disadvantage on their next attack roll to people you hit with melee weapon attacks as a sort of darting blow?
For your more recent modifications, consider dropping the part that lets you use Dex on weapons. Rapiers and Scimitars, two fairly graceful weapons, already exist with the Finesse property, and it’s better to avoid unintended consequences.
For the moonlight sphere, resistance to everything for a while is very strong, even though you have to give up bonus action spells like Spiritual Weapon and Healing Word for it. Maybe have a bit of it that says creatures of your choice that start their turn in the radius can use their reaction to gain resistance to all damage until the start of their next turn, instead of the current effect.
I like it a lot already, It’s great to see how much it’s improved so far!
Okay, made some more changes.
Removed the extra attack and added a second Channel Divinity. Dark Maiden's Hunting Horn
I changed the the 1st channel divinity, from all allies in range to a limited number as well as changed the damage resistance from several rounds to 1 attack with reaction and gave it 2 other options. as well as some of the flavor
I removed the dex to dmg from the sword dance. but I kept dex to attack. I just feel given the fact sword dancers are suppose to be agile, and acrobatic specially in combat along with proficient in nearly all bladed weapons dex makes more sense than strength. also it doesn't give Finesse so don't have to worry about sneak attack. but I could be wrong.
I also added a second lv 1 feature: Circle of Song( place holder name). To give something that represents them being arts and diplomatic. as part of this I moved the performance parry reaction from the sword dance to this. and tied them both to a limited number a day.
also just re-flavored divine strike to divine flourish, just because lol.
The level 17 feature still alludes me. I know I want it to revolve around spellsong since that seems to be a good part of them from lore. Just not sure how to do it. But the campaign I want to use this in doesn't go to 17, so I'm in now rush.
Other than that I feel like its in a good place. I like how it has turned out so far. I would love any feedback or opinions. particularly toward any tuning or balancing.
I do Greatly appreciate everyone's feedback. It has made a big difference. Even if its broken as hell it feels much cooler and more unique than what I started with. lol.