No, the AC is too high, people tend to dislike negative modifiers, most people gloss over stuff like rations and kinda just ignore eating and stuff, sinking without at least being able to hold your breath could lead to an insta-dead situation which people hate, and most unarmed attacks these days do 1d6 damage and they don’t really get used anyway most of the time because magic weapons are better.
you can't have proficiency in shields if you do you lose it
you have to eat 2 rations a day
you sink in water you cant swim you can hold breath
and a unarmed attack of 1d4+strength please give constructive criticism as this is only version 1
My personal opinion is that you shouldn’t have -3 in Dex (It also means you can have a 0 which is a bit broken) or a -2 in int as people play races for its benefits and that kinda counters it. I’m not sure why it loses proficiency in shields as well and it’s AC is too high. Most people don’t actually use rations so it’s a bit useless. Also sinking means every time you go in water or another substance it’s a death trap unless you can like walk on the floor of it. The unarmed attack is okay but I don’t think people will play it just so they can do more damage with a punch. That’s just my personal opinion though, hope I helped.
Also, how can a species have a genetic predisposition barring them from ever using a shield? How is that possible? What is the biological and evolutionary justification for that?
Also, you sink and you can't swim. So if you fall off a ship... that's it. Tear up your character sheet and reroll a new character at Level 1.
If you want to play a warforged just play a warforged. If you want to play a dragonborn just play a dragonborn.
As others have said (some constructively, others less so) the description you have is somewhat poor in terms of balance - the benefits are +1 to one stat, a high AC, and a weak melee attack. The costs are -5 to stats, instant death in a sea adventure, hunger in a gritty campaign (with no clear side effects - do you die if you don't eat?) and a strange inability to use shields.
On the whole this sounds like a curse more than a race - turning someone into part stone as a result of a poorly worded wish.
On to the constructive side - what are you trying to accomplish? What race are you trying to make? what do they look like, what do they do?
you can't have proficiency in shields if you do you lose it
you have to eat 2 rations a day
you sink in water you cant swim you can hold breath
and a unarmed attack of 1d4+strength please give constructive criticism as this is only version 1
Since this is only version 1 here are my thoughts:
a natural AC of 17 (since it adds proficency to it) up to a max AC of 21. Cannot use shields, so there's no shield to stack onto the natural armor. I See no balance issues here. Level 1 characters can start with chain and a shield which is an AC of 18. and a plate and a shield are easily attainable by late game to where this race having an AC of 21 is far later than most other people attaining that AC. The benefit of this AC is for spellcasters like wizards and sorcerers it seems. However the - modifiers to the INT stat makes wizard harder to pull off, for an early game AC benefit, by level 9 or so, doesn't really matter what your AC is. Things are going to hit you regardless at a certain point.
Most campaigns ignore weight, let alone focus on making sure characters are eating properly, so its a nice flavor ribbon feature thing, but is generally going to be ignored anyways.
The sinking in water everyone is looking at as a negative, but I see it as being way too helpful when combined with specific magic items or spells, in allowing for easier water infiltration or underwater exploration. This is the most unbalanced part of the race, because it can be abused in many different ways, can be abused to sink/kill characters, can be abused for hiding/laying traps/etc. It just has zero balance to it.
What is the cause for the unarmed strike? is it a claw? are their hands much larger, and if so why do they not count as larger for carrying, pulling, pushing etc purposes? This needs more elaboration on why the unarmed strike does damage.
This is my feedback for things you should look at not previously stated, when you go ahead with version 2.
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natural armour of 15+proficancy no dex
+2 con +2 strength -3 dex and -2 to int
you can't have proficiency in shields if you do you lose it
you have to eat 2 rations a day
you sink in water you cant swim you can hold breath
and a unarmed attack of 1d4+strength please give constructive criticism as this is only version 1
No, the AC is too high, people tend to dislike negative modifiers, most people gloss over stuff like rations and kinda just ignore eating and stuff, sinking without at least being able to hold your breath could lead to an insta-dead situation which people hate, and most unarmed attacks these days do 1d6 damage and they don’t really get used anyway most of the time because magic weapons are better.
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What is it a subrace of? Aside from the issues brought up be Sposta, I can't give much feedback when I have no idea what other traits it would get.
[REDACTED]
dragonborn
thx both of you
Dragonborn don't have subraces.
[REDACTED]
My personal opinion is that you shouldn’t have -3 in Dex (It also means you can have a 0 which is a bit broken) or a -2 in int as people play races for its benefits and that kinda counters it. I’m not sure why it loses proficiency in shields as well and it’s AC is too high. Most people don’t actually use rations so it’s a bit useless. Also sinking means every time you go in water or another substance it’s a death trap unless you can like walk on the floor of it. The unarmed attack is okay but I don’t think people will play it just so they can do more damage with a punch. That’s just my personal opinion though, hope I helped.
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This just sounds like a badly rehashed warforged.
Also, how can a species have a genetic predisposition barring them from ever using a shield? How is that possible? What is the biological and evolutionary justification for that?
Also, you sink and you can't swim. So if you fall off a ship... that's it. Tear up your character sheet and reroll a new character at Level 1.
If you want to play a warforged just play a warforged. If you want to play a dragonborn just play a dragonborn.
Anzio Faro. Protector Aasimar light cleric. Lvl 18.
Viktor Gavriil. White dragonborn grave cleric. Lvl 20.
Ikram Sahir ibn-Malik al-Sayyid Ra'ad. Brass dragonborn draconic sorcerer Lvl 9. Fire elemental devil.
Wrangler of cats.
As others have said (some constructively, others less so) the description you have is somewhat poor in terms of balance - the benefits are +1 to one stat, a high AC, and a weak melee attack. The costs are -5 to stats, instant death in a sea adventure, hunger in a gritty campaign (with no clear side effects - do you die if you don't eat?) and a strange inability to use shields.
On the whole this sounds like a curse more than a race - turning someone into part stone as a result of a poorly worded wish.
On to the constructive side - what are you trying to accomplish? What race are you trying to make? what do they look like, what do they do?
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
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Since this is only version 1 here are my thoughts:
a natural AC of 17 (since it adds proficency to it) up to a max AC of 21. Cannot use shields, so there's no shield to stack onto the natural armor. I See no balance issues here. Level 1 characters can start with chain and a shield which is an AC of 18. and a plate and a shield are easily attainable by late game to where this race having an AC of 21 is far later than most other people attaining that AC. The benefit of this AC is for spellcasters like wizards and sorcerers it seems. However the - modifiers to the INT stat makes wizard harder to pull off, for an early game AC benefit, by level 9 or so, doesn't really matter what your AC is. Things are going to hit you regardless at a certain point.
Most campaigns ignore weight, let alone focus on making sure characters are eating properly, so its a nice flavor ribbon feature thing, but is generally going to be ignored anyways.
The sinking in water everyone is looking at as a negative, but I see it as being way too helpful when combined with specific magic items or spells, in allowing for easier water infiltration or underwater exploration. This is the most unbalanced part of the race, because it can be abused in many different ways, can be abused to sink/kill characters, can be abused for hiding/laying traps/etc. It just has zero balance to it.
What is the cause for the unarmed strike? is it a claw? are their hands much larger, and if so why do they not count as larger for carrying, pulling, pushing etc purposes? This needs more elaboration on why the unarmed strike does damage.
This is my feedback for things you should look at not previously stated, when you go ahead with version 2.
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