From somewhere in the tavern kitchens, a really pathetically tiny kobold steps out. Their head appears to be on fire. Following them is a robot that looks rather like a rubbish bin of the metal variety, which is attempting to pour water over the kobold's head. The kobold speaks in a loud, high pitched, and infinitely whiney voice.
"All I know is I was minding my own business and cooking you all dinner, and into the kitchen comes some stuck-up chicken wearing a potato suit and wielding a flame thrower, talking about sautéing the meal, before setting fire to my head! I'm the chef! I know more about sautéing than you ever will! The name's Nob. Nob Dobbins, by the way. Some call me Nob Ramsey."
"So? Where's the chicken in the potato suit with the flamethrower? Huh? Huh? Am I so good a chef that some ignorant, callous rival thought setting fire to my head would stop Nob Dobbins Ramsey from cooking the best meal you've ever tasted, huh? Well, I'm sorry, they're mistaken. I shall cook the greatest food ever known out of spite, because no moron will stop me from baking the apocalypse! For I am Nob Dobbins, some say the best cook in the nine galaxies, and no-one, I mean No-one, stops me from baking food so good your minds break. So where's that chicken, huh? huh?"
"So? Where's the chicken in the potato suit with the flamethrower? Huh? Huh? Am I so good a chef that some ignorant, callous rival thought setting fire to my head would stop Nob Dobbins Ramsey from cooking the best meal you've ever tasted, huh? Well, I'm sorry, they're mistaken. I shall cook the greatest food ever known out of spite, because no moron will stop me from baking the apocalypse! For I am Nob Dobbins, some say the best cook in the nine galaxies, and no-one, I mean No-one, stops me from baking food so good your minds break. So where's that chicken, huh? huh?"
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
Nob Dobbins narrows his eyes and walks forward, tiny figure trying to menace you while the robot is still patting out flames. "You're going to walk into my kitchen in my workplace tavern and going to tell me my cooking is not up to some stupid standard that you desire? I am the best chef in Lesta, and I have the awards to prove it, you goat! Now, if you so please, go find me that stupid chicken potato man with the flamethrower so I can boil the both of you in my now ruined stew!"
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
Nob Dobbins narrows his eyes and walks forward, tiny figure trying to menace you while the robot is still patting out flames. "You're going to walk into my kitchen in my workplace tavern and going to tell me my cooking is not up to some stupid standard that you desire? I am the best chef in Lesta, and I have the awards to prove it, you goat! Now, if you so please, go find me that stupid chicken potato man with the flamethrower so I can boil the both of you in my now ruined stew!"
"I will punt you, then turn you into a nice handbag."
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
Nob Dobbins narrows his eyes and walks forward, tiny figure trying to menace you while the robot is still patting out flames. "You're going to walk into my kitchen in my workplace tavern and going to tell me my cooking is not up to some stupid standard that you desire? I am the best chef in Lesta, and I have the awards to prove it, you goat! Now, if you so please, go find me that stupid chicken potato man with the flamethrower so I can boil the both of you in my now ruined stew!"
"I will punt you, then turn you into a nice handbag."
Nob Dobbins walks off haughtily, before returning with a burning pot of stew. "Now, you ignoramus, eat this. If it tastes good, then great. But if it tastes like ash, it's your fault!" Nob Dobbins throws the hot stew over you.
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
Nob Dobbins narrows his eyes and walks forward, tiny figure trying to menace you while the robot is still patting out flames. "You're going to walk into my kitchen in my workplace tavern and going to tell me my cooking is not up to some stupid standard that you desire? I am the best chef in Lesta, and I have the awards to prove it, you goat! Now, if you so please, go find me that stupid chicken potato man with the flamethrower so I can boil the both of you in my now ruined stew!"
"I will punt you, then turn you into a nice handbag."
Nob Dobbins walks off haughtily, before returning with a burning pot of stew. "Now, you ignoramus, eat this. If it tastes good, then great. But if it tastes like ash, it's your fault!" Nob Dobbins throws the hot stew over you.
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
Nob Dobbins narrows his eyes and walks forward, tiny figure trying to menace you while the robot is still patting out flames. "You're going to walk into my kitchen in my workplace tavern and going to tell me my cooking is not up to some stupid standard that you desire? I am the best chef in Lesta, and I have the awards to prove it, you goat! Now, if you so please, go find me that stupid chicken potato man with the flamethrower so I can boil the both of you in my now ruined stew!"
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
Nob Dobbins narrows his eyes and walks forward, tiny figure trying to menace you while the robot is still patting out flames. "You're going to walk into my kitchen in my workplace tavern and going to tell me my cooking is not up to some stupid standard that you desire? I am the best chef in Lesta, and I have the awards to prove it, you goat! Now, if you so please, go find me that stupid chicken potato man with the flamethrower so I can boil the both of you in my now ruined stew!"
Kinsley, "Your tavern?"
"I cook all the food in the entire place. But of course you didn't know. I do all the work while you bozos lounge around and eat cake. Cake!"
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
Nob Dobbins narrows his eyes and walks forward, tiny figure trying to menace you while the robot is still patting out flames. "You're going to walk into my kitchen in my workplace tavern and going to tell me my cooking is not up to some stupid standard that you desire? I am the best chef in Lesta, and I have the awards to prove it, you goat! Now, if you so please, go find me that stupid chicken potato man with the flamethrower so I can boil the both of you in my now ruined stew!"
Kinsley, "Your tavern?"
"I cook all the food in the entire place. But of course you didn't know. I do all the work while you bozos lounge around and eat cake. Cake!"
Bunker looks at him, "....I work here. I've cooked, i've cleaned, and i've never seen you before."
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
".....Can i just go die now?"
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
Nob Dobbins narrows his eyes and walks forward, tiny figure trying to menace you while the robot is still patting out flames. "You're going to walk into my kitchen in my workplace tavern and going to tell me my cooking is not up to some stupid standard that you desire? I am the best chef in Lesta, and I have the awards to prove it, you goat! Now, if you so please, go find me that stupid chicken potato man with the flamethrower so I can boil the both of you in my now ruined stew!"
Kinsley, "Your tavern?"
"I cook all the food in the entire place. But of course you didn't know. I do all the work while you bozos lounge around and eat cake. Cake!"
From somewhere in the tavern kitchens, a really pathetically tiny kobold steps out. Their head appears to be on fire. Following them is a robot that looks rather like a rubbish bin of the metal variety, which is attempting to pour water over the kobold's head. The kobold speaks in a loud, high pitched, and infinitely whiney voice.
"Who set fire to my head! You utter nitwits!"
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
"All I know is I was minding my own business and cooking you all dinner, and into the kitchen comes some stuck-up chicken wearing a potato suit and wielding a flame thrower, talking about sautéing the meal, before setting fire to my head! I'm the chef! I know more about sautéing than you ever will! The name's Nob. Nob Dobbins, by the way. Some call me Nob Ramsey."
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
*Oh shoot I killed the tavern again.*
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
*Nah, everyones kinda offline right now*
I play a miriad of characters at the lord's rest inn
Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Scifi horror is quite the trip :) Comics and a story
#FreeDND
"So? Where's the chicken in the potato suit with the flamethrower? Huh? Huh? Am I so good a chef that some ignorant, callous rival thought setting fire to my head would stop Nob Dobbins Ramsey from cooking the best meal you've ever tasted, huh? Well, I'm sorry, they're mistaken. I shall cook the greatest food ever known out of spite, because no moron will stop me from baking the apocalypse! For I am Nob Dobbins, some say the best cook in the nine galaxies, and no-one, I mean No-one, stops me from baking food so good your minds break. So where's that chicken, huh? huh?"
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
Bunker looks at them, "You're strange."
I play a miriad of characters at the lord's rest inn
Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Scifi horror is quite the trip :) Comics and a story
#FreeDND
"Am I really going to have to monologue until one of you utter nitwits starts pulling your weights? Huh? Huh? You going to find that stupid potato-chicken-sautéer, huh? Huh?"
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
".....Can i just go die now?"
I play a miriad of characters at the lord's rest inn
Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Scifi horror is quite the trip :) Comics and a story
#FreeDND
"You can stop breathing after you fixed my cooking. And if you die first, I will reanimate you and make you do it! I don't care how long it takes for you ignoramuses to get it right, I'll make you get there someday!"
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
"If your cooking sucks, maybe thats your own fault."
I play a miriad of characters at the lord's rest inn
Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Scifi horror is quite the trip :) Comics and a story
#FreeDND
Nob Dobbins narrows his eyes and walks forward, tiny figure trying to menace you while the robot is still patting out flames. "You're going to walk into my kitchen in my workplace tavern and going to tell me my cooking is not up to some stupid standard that you desire? I am the best chef in Lesta, and I have the awards to prove it, you goat! Now, if you so please, go find me that stupid chicken potato man with the flamethrower so I can boil the both of you in my now ruined stew!"
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
"I will punt you, then turn you into a nice handbag."
I play a miriad of characters at the lord's rest inn
Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Scifi horror is quite the trip :) Comics and a story
#FreeDND
Nob Dobbins walks off haughtily, before returning with a burning pot of stew. "Now, you ignoramus, eat this. If it tastes good, then great. But if it tastes like ash, it's your fault!" Nob Dobbins throws the hot stew over you.
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
It passes through azrial, "Sir, i'm a ghost."
I play a miriad of characters at the lord's rest inn
Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Scifi horror is quite the trip :) Comics and a story
#FreeDND
Kinsley, "Your tavern?"
: Systems Online : Nikoli_Goodfellow Homebrew : My WIP Homebrew Class :
(\_/)
( u u)
o/ \🥛🍪 Hey, take care of yourself alright?
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
"I cook all the food in the entire place. But of course you didn't know. I do all the work while you bozos lounge around and eat cake. Cake!"
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
Bunker looks at him, "....I work here. I've cooked, i've cleaned, and i've never seen you before."
I play a miriad of characters at the lord's rest inn
Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Scifi horror is quite the trip :) Comics and a story
#FreeDND
...I don't think you work here.
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
"Cake? I thought Malwyn cooked stuff? I've been in the kitchen stea- Borrowing stuff on multiple occasions?"
: Systems Online : Nikoli_Goodfellow Homebrew : My WIP Homebrew Class :
(\_/)
( u u)
o/ \🥛🍪 Hey, take care of yourself alright?