Oh yeah, forgot about this one, from the same session as above. After clearing out the bandit base we were searching it for valuables. In a hidey hole we found three chests, one with gems and jewelry, another with fine clothes (presumably taken as loot from some unknown victims of banditry), and the third was locked. Searching the bodies of the dead bandits didn't produce a key, and Ferrin scanned around with detect magic, finding no magic aside from a few items carried or worn by the party so no magical seals or defenses on the chest. Nobody in the party has any skills or proficiency for picking locks, and Serena, who can be a bit impatient at times, was still riding an adrenaline high from the battle.
Sister Serena: Okay, I have an idea for opening this thing, but it might be a stupid one.
Ferrin: What's your idea?
Serena smiles and brandishes her mace.
Ferrin: I'm going to go stand way over there. Like now.
Wizard (after defeating recurring villain who keeps coming back through Clones): I know what you're thinking. "Did he use his sixth and seven level slots or not"? Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kind of lost track myself. So, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well do ya, punk? OOC: Can I roll for intimidation?
Dm: oh yah I almost forgot. A dragon flies up and lands on Skyreach castle.
Giant in Skyreach: Why! Is! There! A! Dragon! In! My! Caaaaaaaaaassssssssttttttttttttttlllllllllleeeeeeeee!!! Me and rouge go out to give black dragon the crown: Here you go (rouge).
Dragon: Thanks.
Rouge (inspecting the crown)
Me: I cast misty step and go back in.
Rouge: Gives in.
Dragon: Just like the calculations.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
BBEG: *evil elder god monologue voice* I may be in a weakened state now, but my followers are creating a new body for me to inhabit at this very moment! All I now need to destroy you are my two magical gems, they strengthen my life force.
Me: How interesting, please, go on.
BBEG: Ah, yes, you see, I am weak now because the gems are both gone. One was destroyed and another has vanished, lost to the sands of time. You fools and your army of badgers are not safe for long, however. The first gem is almost rebuilt, and my life force still weakly clings on to the other, though it is lost forever.
Me: *Holds up said "lost" gem we stealth mission stole from his hideout a few sessions back* So a gem like this?
BBEG: Wha-how-nodonttouchthat! That gem contains the last of my life force, please I'll do anything if you just don't break it!
Me: Aaanything? Well, remember that minor deity you had assasinated and imprisoned her soul in your little torture demiplane a few months back?
BBEG: *Gulp* Y-yes, what about her?
Me: Welll... Me and my friends were all rather fond of her, (Our party is entirely made up of either holy champions or high priests of this deity, with the exception of the gorilla-riding ranger) and we might feel like some revenge, right guys? My point is, you give her back to us, completely unharmed, or I smash this gem to bits.
BBEG: *Actually meets our demands because he's gonna die if he doesn't*
Yay major victory Badger Queen is back!
And this is the story of how a lvl 13 party revived a deity from the dead and succesfully bullied an evil elder god, the most powerful being in the plane. My DM is crazy, and these next few sessions are gonna be wild.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely. If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
"Isn't it in the nature of nature to behave naturally?"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
The wizard polymorphed a fleeing assassin into a mermaid. The player wanted the assassin to be empty handed and unable to run. We wanted the villain alive.
Still people made fun of his choice, "Is she a real mermaid or a Disney mermaid with Sea Shells?"
Wizard: "This is a family game. She has Sea Shells. B shells are too small, and D shells are too big. So she has 'C' shells..."
Druid tries to rolepley natural one on her seduction attempt:
"So I've heard showing you tits might interest you, although I'm not sure how that's related in any way" - I cast Conjure Animals and summon a bunch of tits; they flutter around me and tweet - "So what'd ya say?"
My goliath girl, wearing whiskers and a wizard hat, as a disguise, due to paranoia. One player introducing his new character to the group, and the first thing he sees is a 7ft tall teenager goliath with cat whiskers and a wizard hat.
Me: WELCOME TO OUR TAVERN~!!
Rogue:.... what sort of unholy union brought you into this world.
Me: Blame my parents.
Bard who's currently drunk: it's a new thing from the west, called genetics.
Rogue: what?
Me: I don't even know what that me.
Wizard ritual cast find familiar at the bar: I think she's talking about cat girls.
Wandering Merchant: "Are you looking to buy anything? I have weapons, armor, equipment..." Ranger: "Do you have a way to make [Rogue] shut up?"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
Andrew (Warlock of the Undead): "I rise from my trash can like my patron from his sarcophagus"
Andrew (to Diamos, Dragonborn Barbarian): *being carried in a trash can by Diamos* "Throw me like one of your French Girls." DM (Me): "I mean, France doesn't exist, but okay"
Char Chovsky (Goliath Artificer/Bard): "I really like big, fluffy cats." Andrew: "I have a sick, dying hairless cat." Char: "That's not a cat, that's a worm"
Andrew: *being thrown by Diamos* "IT'S A DUMPSTER DIVE BOMB!"
Char: "I activate stone's endurance as the blade connects." Me: "He thrusts the rapier, but it doesn't penetrate-" Players: *intense giggling* Me: "Sorry, I mean he... you know, there isn't a good way to word this. It doesn't penetrate the rock hard flesh, are you happy now?"
Diamos: "I don't have anything to throw, do I?" Me: "Well, the trash can lid is around here somewhere, if you want you can make me a thrown improvised weapon attack, using strength instead of dex." Diamos: *rolls a nat 20* Me: "You throw the lid like Captain America, so hard you crack his skull open with a f***ing trash can lid!"
Andrew: "New rule, I only talk like Danny DeVito in my Form of Dread."
Finally, this one requires some additonal context, so I'm putting it last. Two of my players are playing identical twin tiefling wizards, Nekaria and Nemaria (Kari and Mari). The session took place on a train, and at one point Mari put her head out the window to cast a spell at the bandit captain, who was not quite on the train yet. After this, she got shot twice and was knocked out for the entire fight. After this, a few rounds later, Kari stuck her head out the window to cast catapult at the captain (it didn't work), before this happened: Kari (tiefling wizard): "I'M A LICH, B***H!"
Party took down the BBEG. Player 3 didn't land any damage until the killing blow.
Player 2: Kill-stealing achievement unlocked.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
This after the one PC launches into an elaborate explanation on how everything that's been happening is probably all a dream, followed by punching another PC to wake them up, and the response-punching, accompanying the other PC pointing out holes in the theory.
In a different session... Player 1: "We're not just a skillset. You should try to see him as a whole."
“Look if I made this mess then you are cleaning it up.”
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
Oh yeah, forgot about this one, from the same session as above. After clearing out the bandit base we were searching it for valuables. In a hidey hole we found three chests, one with gems and jewelry, another with fine clothes (presumably taken as loot from some unknown victims of banditry), and the third was locked. Searching the bodies of the dead bandits didn't produce a key, and Ferrin scanned around with detect magic, finding no magic aside from a few items carried or worn by the party so no magical seals or defenses on the chest. Nobody in the party has any skills or proficiency for picking locks, and Serena, who can be a bit impatient at times, was still riding an adrenaline high from the battle.
Sister Serena: Okay, I have an idea for opening this thing, but it might be a stupid one.
Ferrin: What's your idea?
Serena smiles and brandishes her mace.
Ferrin: I'm going to go stand way over there. Like now.
Wizard (after defeating recurring villain who keeps coming back through Clones): I know what you're thinking. "Did he use his sixth and seven level slots or not"? Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kind of lost track myself. So, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well do ya, punk? OOC: Can I roll for intimidation?
"I'm feeling kinda dead dude"
my name is not Bryce
Actor
Certified Dark Sun enjoyer
usually on forum games and not contributing to conversations ¯\_ (ツ)_/
For every user who writes 5 paragraph essays as each of their posts: Remember to touch grass occasionally
Dm: oh yah I almost forgot. A dragon flies up and lands on Skyreach castle.
Giant in Skyreach: Why! Is! There! A! Dragon! In! My! Caaaaaaaaaassssssssttttttttttttttlllllllllleeeeeeeee!!!
Me and rouge go out to give black dragon the crown: Here you go (rouge).
Dragon: Thanks.
Rouge (inspecting the crown)
Me: I cast misty step and go back in.
Rouge: Gives in.
Dragon: Just like the calculations.
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Dream of Days Lore Bard 9/Wizard 4 Baulder's Gate: Descent to Avernus (In Person/Over Zoom)
Saleadon Morgul Battle Smith Artificer 11 Tyranny of Dragons (In Person/Over Zoom)
Hurtharn Serpti Ghostslayer Blood Hunter 7 Spelljammer (Over Zoom)
Ex Sig
BBEG: *evil elder god monologue voice* I may be in a weakened state now, but my followers are creating a new body for me to inhabit at this very moment! All I now need to destroy you are my two magical gems, they strengthen my life force.
Me: How interesting, please, go on.
BBEG: Ah, yes, you see, I am weak now because the gems are both gone. One was destroyed and another has vanished, lost to the sands of time. You fools and your army of badgers are not safe for long, however. The first gem is almost rebuilt, and my life force still weakly clings on to the other, though it is lost forever.
Me: *Holds up said "lost" gem we stealth mission stole from his hideout a few sessions back* So a gem like this?
BBEG: Wha-how-nodonttouchthat! That gem contains the last of my life force, please I'll do anything if you just don't break it!
Me: Aaanything? Well, remember that minor deity you had assasinated and imprisoned her soul in your little torture demiplane a few months back?
BBEG: *Gulp* Y-yes, what about her?
Me: Welll... Me and my friends were all rather fond of her, (Our party is entirely made up of either holy champions or high priests of this deity, with the exception of the gorilla-riding ranger) and we might feel like some revenge, right guys? My point is, you give her back to us, completely unharmed, or I smash this gem to bits.
BBEG: *Actually meets our demands because he's gonna die if he doesn't*
Yay major victory Badger Queen is back!
And this is the story of how a lvl 13 party revived a deity from the dead and succesfully bullied an evil elder god, the most powerful being in the plane. My DM is crazy, and these next few sessions are gonna be wild.
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely.
If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Homebrew races: ~Otterfolk! Play as a otter!~ Playable Dryad! (Literally just the monster sheet ported to player race)
Sauce Archpriest!- Join the Supreme Court of Sauces! Join the Cult of Cults! EXTENDED SIGNATURE Tooltips
From this Sunday's session:
"I rolled a constitution save for the floor and got a two, so you're falling through that as well."
"Skeletons; more dangerous than rotten floorboards"
(After spending some time discussing with the captain how they totally did not kill his crew)
"Hey, I'm still holding the skeletons arm - does that mean I am holding the severed arm of one of the crew?"
(At the start of the session, at 6:33pm)
Player, just logging in: "I made it! Am I late?"
Everyone else: "No, you're just in time!"
Me (DM): "Actually, you're 3 minutes late. Roll a new character." (got some laughs).
Player: "I swing at the skeleton, does that hit?
Me, DM, seeing AC of 13: "Actually, no."
Players: "No?!? What the... What? NO?" *panicked player noises*
Me: "I'm just kidding, yes 27 hits."
I like to make them worry once in a while!
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
"for the greater of good"
- everybody when they want to cast cloud of daggers in close quarters combat
Characters:
Borin, mountain dwarf cleric (knowledge) (inactive)
Varis Ilphelkiir, high elf bard (swords) (inactive)
Reckoner, warforged fighter (eldritch knight) (inactive)
Archduke Gerald, half-orc warlock (pact of the fire elemental) (inactive)
Kurak of Yini Chai, changeling sorcerer (blue draconic bloodline) (active)
"Isn't it in the nature of nature to behave naturally?"
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
The wizard polymorphed a fleeing assassin into a mermaid. The player wanted the assassin to be empty handed and unable to run. We wanted the villain alive.
Still people made fun of his choice, "Is she a real mermaid or a Disney mermaid with Sea Shells?"
Wizard: "This is a family game. She has Sea Shells. B shells are too small, and D shells are too big. So she has 'C' shells..."
Druid tries to rolepley natural one on her seduction attempt:
"So I've heard showing you tits might interest you, although I'm not sure how that's related in any way" - I cast Conjure Animals and summon a bunch of tits; they flutter around me and tweet - "So what'd ya say?"
My goliath girl, wearing whiskers and a wizard hat, as a disguise, due to paranoia. One player introducing his new character to the group, and the first thing he sees is a 7ft tall teenager goliath with cat whiskers and a wizard hat.
Me: WELCOME TO OUR TAVERN~!!
Rogue:.... what sort of unholy union brought you into this world.
Me: Blame my parents.
Bard who's currently drunk: it's a new thing from the west, called genetics.
Rogue: what?
Me: I don't even know what that me.
Wizard ritual cast find familiar at the bar: I think she's talking about cat girls.
Me: THOSE ACTUALLY EXISTS????
Rakshasa (GM): I don't really want to kill you, you have a role to play in my schemes. Just had me the <plot device> and go your ways.
Fighter: ***** you don't know who we are. Don't even try to scare us.
Rakshasa: On the contrary. I know you've recently killed a dragon. <GM puts two adult dragons on the table> That's why I brought two.
Fighter <to the rest of the team>: We run.
Sounds like the fighter knows where this is going. XD
Here's one from a PbP campaign.
Wandering Merchant: "Are you looking to buy anything? I have weapons, armor, equipment..."
Ranger: "Do you have a way to make [Rogue] shut up?"
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
Me, the rogue: "Listen, I would never steal from you. Will I mock you? Yes. Will I trick you? Also yes. Will I lie to you? Probably ye-
My friend, the paladin: "Why the **** are we keeping this guy around?"
"Come on, Roger. Just leave we don't want- YOU SUMMONED A FLESH DRAGON."
Andrew (Warlock of the Undead): "I rise from my trash can like my patron from his sarcophagus"
Andrew (to Diamos, Dragonborn Barbarian): *being carried in a trash can by Diamos* "Throw me like one of your French Girls."
DM (Me): "I mean, France doesn't exist, but okay"
Char Chovsky (Goliath Artificer/Bard): "I really like big, fluffy cats."
Andrew: "I have a sick, dying hairless cat."
Char: "That's not a cat, that's a worm"
Andrew: *being thrown by Diamos* "IT'S A DUMPSTER DIVE BOMB!"
Char: "I activate stone's endurance as the blade connects."
Me: "He thrusts the rapier, but it doesn't penetrate-"
Players: *intense giggling*
Me: "Sorry, I mean he... you know, there isn't a good way to word this. It doesn't penetrate the rock hard flesh, are you happy now?"
Diamos: "I don't have anything to throw, do I?"
Me: "Well, the trash can lid is around here somewhere, if you want you can make me a thrown improvised weapon attack, using strength instead of dex."
Diamos: *rolls a nat 20*
Me: "You throw the lid like Captain America, so hard you crack his skull open with a f***ing trash can lid!"
Andrew: "New rule, I only talk like Danny DeVito in my Form of Dread."
Finally, this one requires some additonal context, so I'm putting it last. Two of my players are playing identical twin tiefling wizards, Nekaria and Nemaria (Kari and Mari). The session took place on a train, and at one point Mari put her head out the window to cast a spell at the bandit captain, who was not quite on the train yet. After this, she got shot twice and was knocked out for the entire fight. After this, a few rounds later, Kari stuck her head out the window to cast catapult at the captain (it didn't work), before this happened:
Kari (tiefling wizard): "I'M A LICH, B***H!"
Party took down the BBEG. Player 3 didn't land any damage until the killing blow.
Player 2: Kill-stealing achievement unlocked.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“We’re having an academic exchange …. of blows.”
This after the one PC launches into an elaborate explanation on how everything that's been happening is probably all a dream, followed by punching another PC to wake them up, and the response-punching, accompanying the other PC pointing out holes in the theory.
In a different session...
Player 1: "We're not just a skillset. You should try to see him as a whole."
Player 2: "I totally do see him as a hole."
Player 3: "She means like, with a W."
Player 2: "Oh..." pauses for consideration. "No."