Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Sixth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger) and "the kobold" (who's name we still haven't learned).
Party is en route to attempt to stop some yet-unspecified ritual that is presumably very evil in nature (the people doing it certainly aren't paragons of virtue, to say the least) and have to cross a fast flowing river (this is all taking place in tropical swampland). We promptly get attacked by a giant turtle.
Serena vs the dice: Zero initiative (natural 1 with a -1 dex mod). First roll after is a crit on a second level inflict wounds for 50 points of damage.
Serena: "Bad turtle!"
The the turtle reverts into a tortle.
Nu: "Why are you attacking us? Can you please not?" *rolls 8 for persuasion*
Tortle turns into a giant crab and keeps attacking.
=====
After that fight, we still need to cross. There is discussion, which is about as scattered as most planning sessions are with a typical D&D party. Eventually it gets settled with this one:
Nu: "Why do we need a rope? I'm a giant frog."
====
Serena is yelling down a hole that Nu disappeared into.
Serena: "How far did you go down there?"
Nu: "Far!"
Serena: "Can you get back up here?"
Nu: "Yeah!"
DM: "Roll athletics." *Nu rolls an 8* "You get halfway up to the hole in the ceiling and drop the capybara you're carrying. It falls down and makes a loud squeak."
Nu: "No!"
It was eventually decided to take a short rest so Nu could regain his wild shape and climb back up (with the capybaras he was rescuing) as a giant salamander. During the rest, Serena has a brief talk with Robert, the one surviving teenage conscript soldier (the war hasn't been going great) that we rescued from an enemy held fort a few sessions ago who is still alive after the last fight. Serena is notably not a conscript and actually ran away from her temple to join the fight because she wants to help her people and seeing a bunch of her allies die despite winning the battles has been upsetting her quite a lot lately.
Serena: "Okay, I don't know exactly what we're going to find out here but I'm sure it's going to be all kinds of bad and evil and dangerous. You're not in good shape, so when whatever happens goes down I want you to stay back and be careful and try really hard to stay alive because if you die it will make me very unhappy."
Robert: "Uh, okay? I'll try not to die."
Serena: "Great!"
======
We eventually come upon what appears to be a sacrifice ritual that just began, with several friendly NPCs we've been looking for behind led to an obviously creepy altar. Taking advantage of a surprise round we burst in Big Damn Heroes style and a big fight begins. There are a lot of enemy soldiers present, plus a halfling (priest?) that appears to be the evil brother of our sergeant, Al (one of the prisoners), and a half dragon officer we fought back at the fort. The half dragon is clearly not happy from the halfling ridiculing him for losing his fort and a small army while fighting us earlier.
Half Dragon: "This time I'm killing all of you!"
Serena: "You sure ran away really well last time!"
Over the next couple rounds Serena manages to roll two natural 20s on dex saves (dexterity is her weakest stat) against the half dragon's attacks, a fireball and his fire breath.
Ferrin (ooc): Serena's doing great on those saves today.
Serena (ooc): "Serena's really pissed off at these guys to begin with before you add in the evil ritual being performed on an altar of the goddess of darkness. She's here to kick some ass."
And we ran out of time for the session partway into the fight, so that's barely even begun.
I read just the quotes first without the explanations, and they're great even without context. :D
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Druid OOC: "Do I get experience points for touching Cyprian’s butt with mage hand?"
You lose 20d20 x doible your level xp
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This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
We debated over our team name. We decided to go for, "Guardians of Destiny," Just so we could say: "We're on a mission from G.O.D"
🤞🏻Please, be a Blues Brothers reference!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
*Context: The party is being chased by a unkillable frostbite monster with an axe. The emerge in a cave with a small-ish ice covered fissure and a bridge and cross over.*
DM: You hear the footsteps of the creature approach…
Druid (only person without darkvision): Wait, how does he know where we are?
"Where do you draw the line between monsterf***er and bestiality?" "Consent."
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Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
"Hey, moldavite is cool, it's made from meteors." "It's a glass, not a gem, and it'll mess up your energy. It's better to use something safer like malachite-" "[Bard's player], malachite is poisonous."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
Cleric: "Wait. I'm supposed to worship a god to get my abilities? Is that a real thing?"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
someone on twitter: "ppl only play dungeonmaster because they want to be the center of attention"
(not typed in such a nice way, though)
Player 5: *droning on and on about his sad backstory at every opportunity*
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Sixth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger) and "the kobold" (who's name we still haven't learned).
Party is en route to attempt to stop some yet-unspecified ritual that is presumably very evil in nature (the people doing it certainly aren't paragons of virtue, to say the least) and have to cross a fast flowing river (this is all taking place in tropical swampland). We promptly get attacked by a giant turtle.
Serena vs the dice: Zero initiative (natural 1 with a -1 dex mod). First roll after is a crit on a second level inflict wounds for 50 points of damage.
Serena: "Bad turtle!"
The the turtle reverts into a tortle.
Nu: "Why are you attacking us? Can you please not?" *rolls 8 for persuasion*
Tortle turns into a giant crab and keeps attacking.
=====
After that fight, we still need to cross. There is discussion, which is about as scattered as most planning sessions are with a typical D&D party. Eventually it gets settled with this one:
Nu: "Why do we need a rope? I'm a giant frog."
====
Serena is yelling down a hole that Nu disappeared into.
Serena: "How far did you go down there?"
Nu: "Far!"
Serena: "Can you get back up here?"
Nu: "Yeah!"
DM: "Roll athletics." *Nu rolls an 8* "You get halfway up to the hole in the ceiling and drop the capybara you're carrying. It falls down and makes a loud squeak."
Nu: "No!"
It was eventually decided to take a short rest so Nu could regain his wild shape and climb back up (with the capybaras he was rescuing) as a giant salamander. During the rest, Serena has a brief talk with Robert, the one surviving teenage conscript soldier (the war hasn't been going great) that we rescued from an enemy held fort a few sessions ago who is still alive after the last fight. Serena is notably not a conscript and actually ran away from her temple to join the fight because she wants to help her people and seeing a bunch of her allies die despite winning the battles has been upsetting her quite a lot lately.
Serena: "Okay, I don't know exactly what we're going to find out here but I'm sure it's going to be all kinds of bad and evil and dangerous. You're not in good shape, so when whatever happens goes down I want you to stay back and be careful and try really hard to stay alive because if you die it will make me very unhappy."
Robert: "Uh, okay? I'll try not to die."
Serena: "Great!"
======
We eventually come upon what appears to be a sacrifice ritual that just began, with several friendly NPCs we've been looking for behind led to an obviously creepy altar. Taking advantage of a surprise round we burst in Big Damn Heroes style and a big fight begins. There are a lot of enemy soldiers present, plus a halfling (priest?) that appears to be the evil brother of our sergeant, Al (one of the prisoners), and a half dragon officer we fought back at the fort. The half dragon is clearly not happy from the halfling ridiculing him for losing his fort and a small army while fighting us earlier.
Half Dragon: "This time I'm killing all of you!"
Serena: "You sure ran away really well last time!"
Over the next couple rounds Serena manages to roll two natural 20s on dex saves (dexterity is her weakest stat) against the half dragon's attacks, a fireball and his fire breath.
Ferrin (ooc): Serena's doing great on those saves today.
Serena (ooc): "Serena's really pissed off at these guys to begin with before you add in the evil ritual being performed on an altar of the goddess of darkness. She's here to kick some ass."
And we ran out of time for the session partway into the fight, so that's barely even begun.
I read just the quotes first without the explanations, and they're great even without context. :D
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Druid OOC: "Do I get experience points for touching Cyprian’s butt with mage hand?"
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
You lose 20d20 x doible your level xp
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
Super Hero Campaign.
We debated over our team name. We decided to go for, "Guardians of Destiny," Just so we could say: "We're on a mission from G.O.D"
🤞🏻Please, be a Blues Brothers reference!
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Yes it was.
*Context: The party is being chased by a unkillable frostbite monster with an axe. The emerge in a cave with a small-ish ice covered fissure and a bridge and cross over.*
DM: You hear the footsteps of the creature approach…
Druid (only person without darkvision): Wait, how does he know where we are?
DM: You have the driftglobe on, right?
Druid: …fine. I turn it off. Is it dark?
DM: Pitch black.
Druid: I turn it back on.
Barbarian: Dang it, [druid]!
*Barbarian 1v1ing the monster*
Barbarian: Here’s Jimmy!
Cleric: Except they’re both Jimmy. Jimmy vs Jimmy.
Druid: More like Jimmy vs. Jason.
Cleric: [Barbarian]’s Jason, right?
Druid: No, ‘cause Jimmy is mostly mortal. [Barbarian] is Jimmy.
Cleric: I thought Jason was the mortal one!
Druid: Isn’t he undead?
Cleric: I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T WATCH HORROR MOVIES!
Druid: NEITHER DO I!
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
"Where do you draw the line between monsterf***er and bestiality?" "Consent."
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
I see you have a good aligned bard in your party.
[The party: Two sorcerers, a wizard, and a bard at 3rd lvl]
“Wow! 24 hit point max? So tough!”
Kobold Bard: You must be a friend to everyone you meet! You must be a friend to everyone you greet! You-
Merfolk Sorcerer: I suggest you stop singing.
Everybody: [nods]
Merfolk Sorcerer (under disguise self for no particular reason): I am Monsior Dawee, noble of the Silverpeak Mountains.
Kobold Bard: It’s not nice to lie, Mirda.
Barkeep: …I don’t follow.
[Context: We are summoning a god through an ancient chant. The bard has gotten everyone into a sing along]
DM: It says ‘Come, Animus of the Wild, great hunter, beast of guile-‘
Everyone, singing off key: Cooome Animus or the Wild, great hunter, beast of guillllle!
Dm: ‘Bane of man, woman and child-‘
Everyone: Bane of man, woman and child, chillllld!
Dm: Rise once more, Animus of the Wild.’
Everyone: Risssse once more, Animmmus of the Willld!
Merfolk Sorcerer: Wait since we all sung, do we summon four gods?
Kobold bard, in the mouth of their lythrocope friend: Be a friend, drop your friend, so my bones you do not rend!”
“Fine. You have proven your strength. Except the scaly one, he’s a coward.”
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
Evil Frog: I will turn you ALL into frogs! PERMANENTLY!
Mergolk Sorcerer: [casts fire bolt]
DM: He has 1 hp. He dies.
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
Oh yeah, one more OOC conversation
"Hey, moldavite is cool, it's made from meteors."
"It's a glass, not a gem, and it'll mess up your energy. It's better to use something safer like malachite-"
"[Bard's player], malachite is poisonous."
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
Half-Elf Bard who is also a cook: "I want to invent Cheetos."
Wood Elf Sorcerer: "I will help invent Cheetos."
DM: "You cannot invent Cheetos!"
Sorcerer: *comes up with oddly detailed cheetos recipe*
DM: "But how do you know it works?"
Bard: *rolls to make cheetos*
Bard (OOC): ... I got a nat 20.
DM: "FINE. You invent Cheetos."
We ended up calling them 'Cheese Turds' and made a fortune selling them in the marketplace.
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
Oh- and-
"I have no religion! Gambling is my religion!"
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
Cleric: "Wait. I'm supposed to worship a god to get my abilities? Is that a real thing?"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“Who the hell are you?!”
”Why, I’m Asmodeus!”
(session ends)
Bahamut: “You see, there comes a point in every young dragon’s life when they amass a hoard, and they begin to change…”
Player: “This is starting to sound like “the talk”, but for dragons.”
DM: “In a way, it sort of is.”
“You see the old man dive into the pile of riches like Scrooge McDuck.”