I am on earth, outside the planes of dnd

you are a goomba, and mario is 3 millimeters above you

Quote from Oceloto999 >>

I am on earth, outside the planes of dnd

you are a goomba, and mario is 3 millimeters above you

 He gets eaten by a plant.

the world is an egg and it’s being boiled

i'm on a mars base

you're an egg that is also the world and you're being boiled

I am a tardigrade egg. Your "unsurvivable" conditions mean nothing to me!

You are tasked with killing an immortal tardigrade. 

I cast wish to insta-kill it

someone in your party cast destroy universe 

Doesn’t that spell take days to cast. I disrupt his concentration.

Somebody use wish to insta-kill you.

I am a god of magic that spell is usless

Your dm is your greatest enemy

I arrive to every session, bring snacks for everyone, and follow the rules.

The toxic player says he’s going to kill you.

Hey, here's the world's supply of snacks! *Neck FIX!*

You visit a new realm none have ever seen before... the realm of... Tumblr. (Of course, it's a manifestation of it, in realm form)

I leave

Death is following you while you are in an scp containment facility

I am Life. 

You are a soap bubble that just got popped. 

I Un-pop myself

You crawled inside a sphere of annihilation only world

I leave the realm of Tumblr

You can't exit the realm of Tumblr

Oh well, at least I won’t die.

you missed your Spanish lesson and your doorbell cam sees a big green bird with a baseball bat entering your house

spanish or vanish

Not the owl! 

I feed it an avocado. This kills it. 

You have been sentenced to death for killing the duolingo bird. 

I frame someone.

You have been sentenced to death for framing someone for killing the duolingo bird.

I explain how evil the duolingo bird was, and they let me go. 

Every bone in your body breaks all of a sudden, and you are a normal human. 

Normal Human Race Details

I am a normal human

Normal Human Traits

Normal humans are awesome.

Immortality

You cannot die

Ability Score Increase

Your ability scores each increase by 1.

Age

Humans reach adulthood in their late teens and live less than a century.

Size

Humans vary widely in height and build, from barely 5 feet to well over 6 feet tall. Regardless of your position in that range, your size is Medium.

Speed

Your base walking speed is 30 feet.

Languages

You can speak, read, and write Common and one extra language of your choice. Humans typically learn the languages of other peoples they deal with, including obscure dialects. They are fond of sprinkling their speech with words borrowed from other tongues: Orc curses, Elvish musical expressions, Dwarvish military phrases, and so on.

I survive

because

I am

IMMORTAL!

You are not immortal no matter what and you must make a dexterity saving throw DC 100, if you fail you die.

Your save - 84

NAT 20. 

You just ate yourself. Completely. 

...

I am a Normal Human.

You are not immortal no matter what and you must make a dexterity saving throw DC 100, if you fail you die. (did I mention that our house rule about natural 20s being an automatic success doesn't exist?)

Your save - 99