Twist the Wish

They kill everything, including you

I wish to fly indefinitely

You become trapped above the clouds, unable to descend as wyverns pick your still-floating corpse apart.

I wish to use d100s for all my rolls

You cast scorching ray at 9th level on the tarrasque, which reflects them at you and you take 1219 fire damage. Good luck!

I wish for infinite wishes and full control over them

You get 0 wishes because infinity is a theory, not a number.

I wish for recess pieces for all mankind

You find out that you're allergic to peanuts and die in a sea of chocolate-peanut cereal.

I wish for diabetes.

You get diabetes! And stage four cancer, good luck 

I wish to have full control over death itself

You become death and are doomed to heck forever 

I wish to like chocolate IRL

You are buried in a flood of Hershey’s Kisses

I wish to have one normal size bowl of Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream that I can eat in front of me right now

It appears in in front of you. You eat it. Nothing bad happens right? Well then you choke and die from both that and a brain freeze.

Nothing happens. You didn't make a wish. Actually, you are killed by 10 solars for not making a wish.

I wish for an oxygen atom.

As you get it's split, and explodes 

I wish for infinite US dollars

You get it but the US ceases to exist and all you can do with your dollars is sleep on them

I wish for all the powers of the superhero Liberty Belle (she mostly has sound powers but for a brief time she gained the powers of Wonder Woman including the magic lasso)

You get all the powers, but accidentally kill yourself with the powers.

I 

w

I

S

H

F

O

R

Friends that I like

You like your friends, but they hate you, and stop being your friends

I wish to have a good character backstory

The wish fails

I wish that there were no restrictions on class features about Heavy Armor.

You suddenly feel motivated to work on one for 14 hours straight, but you sleep through the first Dnd session.

I wish for a door

The wish also fails, because there must be balance 

I wish for my last wish to not fail

Your make a good backstory for your character, the one that you keep trying to use in a campaign but never get to bring.

I wish for people to stop adding nuts to dessert (not allergic, they just taste bad)

Wish granted. All the nuts are replaced with almonds, cashews, and pistachios. (None of which are true nuts.)

I wish I could fly.

(Going to say, the almonds are okay. They don’t make it better, but don’t make it that much worse)

You become a mosquito, then someone smacks you

I wish for a peashooter (from plants vs zombies) in real life