This magical tome appears to contain several spell scrolls. Each scroll can be used once per day, and regenerates daily at dawn. In reality, the spells are inscribed wrong, and their effects vary wildly from the intended. When one of these scrolls are used the DM reveals the spell's true effect.

Message / Massage. The target receives a pleasant back rub.

Mage Armor / Mage Armoire. Summons a fancy wardrobe adjacent to the caster, containing three sets of clothes. Roll a 1d20 three times. On a result of 1, the clothes are common quality. On a result of 2-10, the clothes are traveler's quality. On a result of 11-15, the clothes are costume quality, on a result of 16-19, the clothes are fine quality. On a result of 20, the clothes are a magic set of robes, clothes or armor determined by the DM.

Hold Person / Fold Person. The target must succeed a Wisdom saving throw or be bent over backwards. On a failed save, the target takes 4d6 damage and is paralyzed for one round.

Speak With Dead / Speak With Dad. For one minute you can communicate telepathically with your father, regardless of whether they are dead or alive. 

Ice Storm / Ick Storm. Gross sludge rains down for one minute creating difficult terrain in a 20 foot radius.

Teleport / Telepoot. Creates a loud fart at the intended location.

Wish / Wash. A wet sponge cleans you vigorously for one minute.

Fireball / Friarball. Conjures and launches a clergyman at the target, dealing 8d6 bludgeoning damage on a failed Dexterity saving throw. The conjured friar is holding its knees and tumbles end over end while screaming religious platitudes during its flight, and lies still after hitting the target. It is a nonliving magical construct, and upon closer inspection, it appears to be made of painted wood and dyed cloth.

Magic Missile/ Magic Rissole. Instead of missiles of force, shoots three delicious baked circular balls of minced meat or fish, enclosed in pastry or rolled in breadcrumbs.