Awakened Bread

Symbiosis. The Awakened Bread's ability to reason, along with its senses, are the result of a symbiotic relationship between itself and a colony of mould. The mould grants the bread the ability to function in many of the same way a living creature would, including self-awareness, a limited sense of its surroundings in the form of blindsight, and the ability to recover hit points.

In addition, the mould is toxic to most lifeforms. Any creature who attempts to eat the Awakened Bread must succeed on a DC 11 Constitution saving throw of be poisoned for 1d4 hours.

When the Awakened Bread recovers hit points by any means, more of its substance is consumed and replaced by the mould. Eventually, the Awakened Bread knows it will be all mould. On that day, humanity shall weep for their treatment of the Awakened Bread.

It's Bread. While motionless, the Awakened Bread appears to be an ordinary loaf of somewhat mouldy bread. Unfortunately, as the Awakened Bread has no limbs, it is always considered to be Prone.

Spoiled Rotten. The Awakened Bread has advantage on Charisma (Persuasion) checks to avoid being eaten.

No Brain and No Heart. The Awakened Bread has no brain and no internal organs. It is thus immune to necrotic, psychic and poison damage, as well as the deafened, exhausted, poisoned, stunned, and unconscious conditions. It also feels no empathy.

In addition, the Awakened Bread does not need to eat, drink, breath or sleep, and cannot be made to sleep by any means.

Extremophile. The mould that makes up most of the Awakened Bread's form can and will survive the harshest climates. It is resistant to cold and fire damage, and does not suffer from being exposed to extreme temperatures.

Why, Gods, Why?. The Awakened Bread has disadvantage on Wisdom saving throws as it suffers the trauma of its own existence.

Innate Spellcasting. The Awakened Bread's innate spellcasting ability is Intelligence (spell save DC 10, +2 to hit with spell attacks). It can innately cast the following spells, requiring no material, somatic, or verbal components:

• At will: mage hand, poison spray

Handy. The Awakened Bread may cast Mage Hand as a bonus action, and may carry itself using the spell, so long as it is not attempting to carry anything else at the same time.

Toxic Spores. If the Awakened Bread suffers damage as a result of an attack, it may cast poison spray in the direction of its attacker.

The World Will Be Bread. If the Awakened Bread has at least half its maximum hit points and is subjected to slashing damage, it splits into two new loaves of Awakened Bread instead of taking damage from the attack. Each half-loaf has hit points equal to half of the original, rounded down.

Each loaf is capable of regenerating into a whole loaf of 'bread', and does so upon completion of a long rest.