Coffee Lich

A coffee lich is the twisted undead form of a master alchemist. So determined to cheat death, they have immersed themselves into the arcane arts of caffeination so thoroughly they have wired their bodies to stay awake and active even after death. For many coffee liches, this lack of corporeal sleep has caused their psyche to crack, rendering them insane.

A coffee lich has the bodily appearance of an unraveled mummy. With linens wrapped around its limbs and torso, its additional garb is more than likely stained brown from the countless cups of coffee it has imbibed over the decades. If it makes its lair inside a coffeehouse, the coffee lich may disguise itself as to lure in unwitting patrons. Its arcane artifacts are often magically imbued pieces of equipment with which to make espresso.

Secrets of Undeath. While for many wizards, lichdom is achieved through careful study or a pact with gods or demons, a coffee lich's immortality is made through careful calibration of alchemical coffee using only the rarest of ingredients and the finest grinds. Once the potion is complete, the coffee lich will transfer its soul into the coffee pot, caffeinating its essence for all eternity.

Soul Sacrifices. All coffee eventually goes stale, and thus the coffee lich must refresh its brew periodically. The coffee lich traps souls for this purpose with an imprisonment spell, dropping the target into the phylactery instead of using the spell's normal options. The phylactery must be on the same plane as the coffee lich for the spell to work, and a coffee lich's phylactery can only hold one soul at a time. A creature imprisoned in the phylactery for 24 hours is consumed and destroyed utterly, whereupon nothing short of divine intervention can save its life. If the coffee lich neglects to replenish its phylactery its body may begin to physically fall apart, causing it to become a demilich.

Death and Restoration. When a coffee lich's body is broken by attack or accident, its will and mind evacuate leaving behind only its corpse. A new body forms in 1d10 days from the coffee grinds that pour out of its phylactery. If the phylactery is destroyed this would spell eternal death for the coffee lich, and thus it tends to keep such a prize possession in a safeguarded, hidden location.

Selfish Creatures. Coffee liches take part in current events in the world around it when it is relevant to its interests or if reminded of its former self. Otherwise it is concerned only with its quest for expansive knowledge. Often solitary creatures, a coffee lich will reside in its lair only with the lackeys that operate its laboratories or guard the premises.

Magic Collectors. A coffee lich is concerned only with expanding its collection of coffee grinds and beans. While its potion and herbal collections will be formidable, the coffee lich likely has access to power staffs, scrolls, wands, and a library of arcane and alchemical knowledge at its disposal. It will gleefully use these prized possessions as necessary.

Undyingly Caffeinated. The coffee lich does not require air, food, drink, or sleep.

A coffee can often be found in alchemical laboratories, arcane academies, dusty libraries, ruined castles, or other abodes of black magic. While many do build impressive tombs to tempt the wayward adventurer, the most daring of coffee liches can be found in cities making use of their Seeming" spells to open up coffeehouses. From these cafes the coffee lich can exploit its patrons to experiment with new elixirs.

The coffee lich's lair is filled with memorabilia of the unlucky patrons that succumbed the effects of his dark brew. Countless blends of coffee beans, mundane and magical are stored throughout the premises, guarded by ghoulish baristas and magical traps.

A coffee lich encountered in his lair has a challenge rating of 23 (50,000 XP).

On initiative count 20 (losing initiative ties), the coffee lich takes a lair action to cause one of the following effects; the coffee lich can’t use the same effect two rounds in a row:

• The coffee lich rolls a d8 and regains a spell slot of that level or lower. If it has no spent spell slots of that level or lower, nothing happens.
• The coffee lich targets one creature within 30 feet of it. The smell of burnt coffee overpoweringly follows the target. Whenever the coffee lich uses its resurrecting brew legendary action the target takes an amount of damage half of the regained hit point roll rounded up. The coffee lich may choose a new target at the next initiative count of 20.
• The coffee lich calls forth the spirits of those who died in its lair. These apparitions materialize as brown, steamy spirits, and attack one creature that the coffee lich can see within 60 feet of it. The target must succeed on a DC 18 Charisma saving thro, taking 52 (15d6) necrotic damage on a failed save, or half as much on a success. The apparitions disappear, leaving behind only the scent of coffee grinds.