Predictable. The Suit always takes the average of any die they might roll. In other words, a d20 always rolls a 10.5, 2d6 will always be 7, etc. If this means that they cannot accomplish whatever they are doing, they can ‘go random’ as a bonus action. This means they start rolling dice, rather than using the average. They can stay random for ten rounds, taking 1 damage a turn, and taking one level of Exhaustion after those ten rounds elapse.
Weaknesses. A Suit subjected to improvised jazz music, blank verse, flash mobs, non-sequiturs, post-modernism, improv comedy, clowning, or any other attack on public decorum must make a DC 10 Constitution saving throw with disadvantage or be poisoned. Note that a Suit that is using its Predictable ability should almost always make its saving throw.
The Things You Own (Recharge 6). Any humanoid wearing the Suit must succeed on a DC 13 Charisma saving throw or be possessed by the Suit. The target is incapacitated and loses control of its body. The Suit now controls the body but doesn’t deprive the target of awareness. The Suit can’t be targeted by any attack, spell, or effect other than an area effect. It retains its alignment, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma, and immunity to being charmed and frightened, as well as all its special qualities and damage resistances and immunities. It otherwise uses the possessed target’s statistics but doesn’t gain access to the target’s knowledge, class features, or proficiencies.
The possession lasts until the Suit is removed or the target dies.
Contractualism. Any character who signs a contract penned by a suit acts as if it is targeted by a Geas spell, Wisdom saving throw DC 18. Success on this saving throw only informs the target of the Geas trap on the document. If they still sign the contract, they are treated as if they had failed their saving throw.
Innate Spellcasting. The Suit’s innate spellcasting ability is Intelligence (spell save DC 13). It can innately cast the following spells, requiring no material components.
At will: mage hand, unseen servant
3/day each: protection from evil and good, invisibility, scrying, suggestion, hold person, zone of truth, locate object, locate animals or plants
1/day: dispel magic, geas, plane shift (cannot be used on an unwilling target)
Slam. Melee Weapon Attack: 15.5 (1d20+5) to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 7 (2d6) bludgeoning damage and 10.5 (3d6) psychic damage.
Description
Meticulously stitched and impeccably pressed, these ambulatory fashion statements are practically identical to one another. They can only be told apart by their numerically stamped tie pins. Occasionally, they contain a human being, but this is of little consequence; the suit wears the man, not the other way around.
They always travel in even numbers. They prefer to operate through intermediaries, bankrolling businesses here, funding charities there. They have deep pockets. When needed, they will hire human enforcers, though violence is not their tool of choice. They will never fight when they might buy.
Organization
The Suits are divided into organizations called Bureaus. The Bureau of Protocol’s role is mostly organizational. Their coloration is best described as ‘eggshell’. Next in the hierarchy is the Bureau of Procedure, which oversees the operation of the fundamental laws of the universe. They are colored off-white. The pale-nimbus Bureau of Information constitutes the Suits’ spy network and the bone-white Bureau of Adjustment is responsible for what the Suits refer to as ‘operations’.
Two million years ago, there was a fifth department. No mortal knows what their name and role was, but it is said that the ‘beige Bureau’ was disincorporated due to a culture of individualism and eccentricity.
Leadership
No creature from outside the Realms of Order has ever seen inside the Bureau of Protocol, but rumors abound about the leader of the suits. The Celestials believe there is a ‘boss-suit’ somewhere in the Bureau, coloration unknown. They refer to it as ‘the Executive’. Among the Devils, there is hushed respect for an entity they call ‘The Tailor’. The forces of chaos insist that the whole thing is secretly run by a nine-legged reptilian roulette wheel that knows no shame and speaks only in code.
Motives
Whoever commands the legions of order, their aims remain largely inscrutable. The Bureau of Adjustment’s actions on the Material Plane can often feel as random as those of Chaos’s minions. In one province, the Bureau helps build forges and watermills and teaches children the languages of their neighbors. In the next province over, they imprison artists, burn books, and brand those born under ill stars. In a third, they simply count the number of chickens and men over fifty, announce that ‘the ratio is well’, and reward the local peasants with a tin obelisk covered in numbers.
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