BIGMAN

Fly: flying speed of 6 billion  feet

Can't be critted on 

**** You: To hit: 1d20+20, On a hit you die, lose all death saving throws because screw you, you mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries 

**** You again: Target makes a DC 39 intelligence saving throw, if failed you die, lose all death saving throws because screw you, you mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries 

Ted Beam: Roll a DC -1 wisdom save. If failed, the user takes 1 damage. If succeeded, find a character sheet for a different TTRPG. If you don't have one, make a new character with 1d4 in all stats. If you do, use that character from now on, even if the stats don't translate over. You're name is now Ted. Gain a name tag in your inventory with "Ted" written on it.

 Do a little dance

 If looked at:  Ted Beam: Roll a DC -1 wisdom save. If failed, the user takes 1 damage. If succeeded, find a character sheet for a different TTRPG. If you don't have one, make a new character with 1d4 in all stats. If you do, use that character from now on, even if the stats don't translate over. You're name is now Ted. Gain a name tag in your inventory with "Ted" written on it.

 Do a little dance