| Mod | Save | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| STR | 30 | +10 | -3 |
| DEX | 1 | -5 | +11 |
| CON | 30 | +10 | -3 |
| Mod | Save | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| INT | 1 | -5 | +11 |
| WIS | 30 | +10 | -3 |
| CHA | 1 | -5 | +11 |
Adamantine Destruction. The ??? destroys any adamantine, even magical adamantine, within 10 feet of it.
Huh. The ??? always moves first and always moves last.
Spellcasting. The ??? is a 0-level spellcaster. Its spellcasting ability is Constitution (spell save DC 22 and a half, -10 to hit with spell attacks). The ??? has following Barbarian spells prepared:
Cantrips (at will): None
1st level (-5 slots): None
What the Actual [REDACTED]. Reading this stat block gives the DM a stroke and makes them pass out. Directly after rolling for initiative, each player gets 3 turns to remove this unholy abomination from the Material Plane.
Even More Bullsh*t. If the ??? is lowered to 0 Hit Points, it gains 1 Health and Immunity to All damage. However, it cannot take any Actions, Bonus Actions, or Reactions for one turn, and at the end of that turn, the ??? takes 1 Necrotic damage. This damage ignores Immunity.
Multi(?)attack. The ??? makes no Nonexistent Glaive attacks and two thirds of a Weird Cone attack.
Weird Cone. Melee Weapon Attack: +20000 to hit, reach 0 ft., 100 targets. Hit: 500,000 (0d4 + 0) Psychic damage.
Nonexistent Glaive. Ranged Spell Attack: +-5 to hit, range 10 ft Emanation., 1 target. Hit: 0 (40d20 + 500) Necrotic damage.
Utter Confusion. The ??? makes a duplicate of itself. The duplicate uses the exact same stat block and does not lack this action. The creature that used this action drops to 0 Hit Points immediately.
Befuddling Blitz. The ??? moves up to twice its Speed without provoking Opportunity Attacks, yet its destination must be within 5 feet of a creature. The creature then gets an Opportunity Attack on the ???.
Reaction. This is not a reaction. Any questions?
Description
You're gonna have a LOT of fun deciphering this one.
Please don't criticize my beautiful abomination. You may say, "oooh so confusing so pointless", and, yeah, that's kind of the point of this.
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Posted Nov 20, 2025Dude...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
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Posted Nov 21, 2025With that, you have summarized my monster and my thought process during making it.
Thank you.
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Posted Dec 9, 2025Please give descriptions of your actions and add a description or explanation of what it looks like, what it can do, and what the point is.
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Posted Jan 18, 2026MY BRAIN HURTS
*no other comment*
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Posted Feb 3, 2026I love this so much
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Posted Feb 3, 2026Suggestion: players get a circle and are told that it is somewhere in this circle
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Posted Feb 3, 2026Ooooh. My bad.
So, I wish I could edit monsters after being published, but I can't, which is kind of stupid. Here it is.
A Description or Explanation
The Nonparadoxical Paradox is an apex predator of the Far Realm, yet nothing other than some Elder Evils and their worshippers know of it. A creature of chaos, nonsense, destruction and DM migraines, it roves around the infinite blackness devouring anything it comes across in a fit of unseeable teeth. The shock of realizing this monster exists seizes the heart in a sort of ice, and mortals who realize its existence have mere seconds to speak of it before they die. However, if the Nonparadoxical Paradox is released on any other plane than the Far Realm, the substance of our material world causes it to change drastically, which is the birth of the monster you see right here.
Action explanatons
The Weird Cone is a reality-warping force of entropy in which either leaves its target without a scratch or annihilates it completely. The Nonexistent Glaive is a bundle of nonexistent energy formed into a weapon that either dissolves or strikes its target with world-crushing power.
What it can do:
stat block's right there, homie
Reason of Making it: spur of the moment, because I felt like it one evening
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Posted Feb 23, 2026This is horrible in the best way possible.
I love it, do more of these.