Angry Drunk. Brandon gets +5 to any initiative roll if he has consumed 2+ Natty Lites in the last hour.
Child Support. If a character is knocked down within Brandon's vicinity, Brandon might approach the downed character and attempt to pilfer their coin purse in order to cover this month's child support. Players and creatures get advantage when attacking Brandon while he is searching a coin purse.
Stubborn Drunk. Brandon will never attempt to disengage from a grapple.
Spellcasting. Although Brandon is incapable of casting any spells or cantrips, he occasionally attempts to cast Vicious Mockery for a few seconds before giving up. Unsuccessfully attempting to cast Vicious Mockery consumes neither an action nor a bonus action.
Down the Hatch. Brandon chugs a Natty Lite and recovers 2 Hit Points. Brandon may choose to shotgun the Natty Lite, rolling a DEX check with a +12 to hit.
- If successful, Brandon shotguns the Natty Lite and recovers 4 Hit Points.
- If unsuccessful, Brandon spills the Natty Lite all over himself, forfeiting both the beer and its potential effects.
Brandon must be holding an unopened beer in order to perform this action.
Wild Swing. Melee Attack:
0-1 Natty Lites consumed: +5 to hit, reach 2 ft., 1 target. Hit: 2 (1d4) bludgeoning damage.
2 Natty Lites consumed: +8 to hit, reach 2 ft., 1 target. Hit: 5 (2d4 + 1) bludgeoning damage.
3+ Natty Lites consumed: +12 to hit, reach 1 ft., 1 target. Hit: 4 (1d4) bludgeoning damage.
I Was a Wrestler in High School. Melee Attack: +8 to hit, reach 2 ft., 1 target. Hit: 3 (1d4 + 1) bludgeoning damage. Both target and Brandon are grappled.
Throw Something. Ranged Weapon Attack:
0-1 Natty Lites consumed: +9 to hit, range 3/5 ft., 1 target. Hit: 2 (1d4) bludgeoning damage.
2+ Natty Lites consumed: +15 to hit, range 1/3 ft., 1 target. Hit: 3 (1d4 + 1) bludgeoning damage.
Brandon must be holding an object in order to execute this attack.
Procure Natty Lite. Brandon acquires a full, unopened can of Natural Light beer from beneath the ice in his magical Igloo cooler. Brandon must be within 2 ft. of his magical Igloo cooler to perform this bonus action.
Find Rock To Throw. Brandon performs a perception check (+12 to pass) to find a rock on the ground with which to use Throw Something. This bonus action is not affected by the number of Natty Lights consumed, as Brandon is familiar with the general location of the rocks in his yard.
Spit. Brandon spits at the attacking entity. This reaction does nothing.
Description
In a world held together by powerful magic and spells allowing the users to bend reality to their will, there is Brandon. In a world crawling with brave adventurers and dastardly foes waiting to cut them down, there is Brandon. In a world where truly anything can happen, there is Brandon.
Brandon is an alcoholic absentee father in his early thirties. His lot in life thus far has been reaching back and grasping for the life he lived in his late teenage years, when his rambunctious behavior and cavalier attitude were inspiring to his peers instead of sad. All he knows of his seven-year-old son Kyler is how much money the courts deemed necessary for him to give to his ex-girlfriend each month to help her raise the boy by herself. What started fifteen years ago as a weekend routine of jumping on a table at a party and pouring two beers into his mouth simultaneously has degraded to a daily routine of sitting outside his mobile home in a lawn chair drinking as many as thirty beers a day.
Brandon is 5'9" and has a slender, almost frail build. How that is possible given the overwhelming volume of alcohol he consumes daily baffles even the greatest doctors of the land. His wife-beater tank top reeks after several wears without being washed, as does his hat, which sports the emblem of a mysterious guild known as the Cowboys of Da'Llas.
The only relationship Brandon has that is more unhealthy than his relationship with alcohol is his relationship with himself. There exists a shard of Brandon's mind which is keenly aware of how pathetic his situation is, and every waking hour it begs with him to make a change in life, trying desperately to show him the loser he has become. However, the rest of Brandon's mind rots in a stew of pride, denial and stupidity, and he silences the last rational part of his brain by drowning it in a deluge of Natural Light, his drink of choice despite owning a magical cooler which could in theory give him higher quality beers. In order to demonstrate to himself that he has not lost his touch, he picks a fight with any travelers who cross his isolated dwelling, swinging and throwing things until either he or the traveler hit the floor.
Brandon prides himself on living the hard-knock life, despite the fact that he has put himself into that situation. The truth is, no amount of alcohol or reminiscing can make him truly happy, and now he's ready to make that someone else's problem.
Lair and Lair Actions
A disgusting person deserves a disgusting lair, and in that way Brandon's mobile home compliments the man perfectly. It is not a mobile home in the traditional sense, rather it is a small house which does not have a foundation rooted in the ground. The whitewashed, single-story abode is about 30 feet wide, although with the amount of dings and dents in the facade, that measurement could vary by about a foot depending on who was measuring and from where. As long as the sun is in the sky, Brandon can be found sitting in his lawn chair beside the screen door to the house and his magical Igloo cooler, from which he can procure an infinite amount of beer beneath the cooler's ice. The grass in front of Brandon's house is long for a lawn yet does not affect any person's ability to move about.
Lair Actions
On initiative count 20 (losing initiative ties), Brandon takes a lair action to cause one of the following effects; Brandon can’t use the same effect two rounds in a row:
- Brandon throws up behind the house, giving his attack rolls +5.
- Brandon shoots the closest player to him with the garden hose, knocking that player back 1d4 ft.
Regional Effects
The region containing Brandon’s lair is frankly disgusting, which creates one or more of the following effects:
- Property value decreases by 30g.
- Town guard may be slow to respond to trouble due to having to deal with Brandon on occasion.
If Brandon dies, these effects fade over the course of 3d10 days.
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