| Mod | Save | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| STR | 17 | +3 | +3 |
| DEX | 18 | +4 | +4 |
| CON | 13 | +1 | +1 |
| Mod | Save | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| INT | 11 | +0 | +0 |
| WIS | 10 | +0 | +0 |
| CHA | 13 | +1 | +1 |
Invisible in Coffee. The coffee weird has the Invisible condition while fully immersed in coffee. It is plainly visible in any coffee that has been cut with milk or cream, so a creature can reveal it by pouring a pint of milk into its container.
Coffee Bound. The coffe weird dies if it leaves the coffee to which it is bound or if that coffee is destroyed.
Piping Hot. creature that touches the coffee weird or hits it with a melee attack while within 5 feet of it takes 3 (1d6) fire damage.
Wired. The coffee weird doesn't sleep and doesn't need rest. It can take the Dash or Disengage action as a bonus action.
Overcaffeinated. Several of the coffee weird's attacks inflict levels of overcaffeination. This is a cumulative condition that ends when the affected creature finishes a short rest.
Levels of overcaffeination:
1. Speed increases by 10 feet. Disadvantage on Dexterity checks.
2. Also disadvantage on Wisdom checks. The creature talks noticeably faster than it thinks.
3. The creature must move at least 10 feet on its turn or have disadvantage on attack rolls until the start of its next turn.
4. Disadvantage on Constitution saving throws made to maintain concentration.
5. When the condition ends, the creature gains 1 level of exhaustion. The crash.
Brew. Melee Attack Roll: +6, reach 10 ft. Hit: 13 (3d6 + 3) Fire damage. If the target is a Medium or smaller creature, it has the Grappled condition (escape DC 13), and it has the Restrained condition until the grapple ends. The coffee weird tries to steep it rather than drown it, and the coffee weird can't constrict another target.
Steep. A creature steeped by the coffee weird doesn't begin suffocating. Instead, it gains one level of overcaffeination at the start of each of its turns.
Espresso Shot (Recharge 5-6). Ranged Attack Roll; +6, range 30 ft., {"diceNotation":"3d6+3", "rollType":"damage", "rollAction":"Surge", "rollDamageType":"Fire"}[/rollable] Fire damage, and the target must succeed on a DC 13 Constitution saving throw or gain one level of overcaffeination.
Description
The first coffee weird was not summoned, bargained with, or bound by any recognized ritual. It was, by every account that survives, simply talked into it.
A handful of Strixhaven students, deep into an exam period, deeper into a caffeine debt they could not repay, came into possession of a Bottle of Boundless Coffee. What they found, in a fountain on the grounds of the Witherbloom Collage, was a water weird: a creature bound to its water, doomed to die whenever that water dried up or drained away.
The pitch, as reconstructed from the students' own increasingly incoherent notes, went roughly like this: the Bottle never empties. Water evaporates. Fountains get drained for maintenance. But a vessel enchanted to produce coffee forever is, functionally, immortality.
The water weird accepted.
What emerged from the Bottle an hour later was no longer bound to water at all. It ran hot. It moved faster. It did not stop moving. A coffee weird retains the territorial, grasping instincts of its ancestor, but where a water weird drowns intruders, a coffee weird has a different idea of hospitality: it drags victims into itself and steeps them, sharing its condition with anyone within reach, apparently under the impression that this is a kindness.
A coffee weird is fiercely loyal to its Bottle, not out of duty, but because the Bottle is the entire basis of its immortality. Steal one and you will find yourself pursued by something that never sleeps, never tires, never loses the trail, and is deeply, personally offended.
Previous Versions
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9/7/2026 3:51:18 PM
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0.1
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Coming Soon
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