Hey there, Dungeon Humorist Dan Telfer here! You know, there's this whole Rick and Morty crossover book coming out soon for Dungeons and Dragons, and despite the fact that they let me write about whatever the hell I want on D&D Beyond I am kind of obsessed with that show. So I asked them to keep letting me write pieces for you folks who might also be obsessed with these two twin genres. Okay, maybe not twins, but definitely weird cousins that could pass for siblings.

And look, this article is for a very goofy object that not everyone is gonna wanna drop into their game, but if you think some mechanic here could be fun I encourage you to wedge it in there as best you can!

However, those of you who dual wield these two fandoms have heard of such plane-spanning threats such as arch-liches and The Council of Ricks. And you've surely heard of scrying, the ability to tune into the habits of a creature on your plane if it fails a Wisdom saving throw. But WHAT IF you could discover an object so powerful that it scans other planes of existence for beings to scry, only focuses on the ones who fail their saving throws, and displays the activities for an entire viewing party to witness? 

Well I am happy to provide you, the common-folk, with a handy new wondrous item called the Inter-Dimensional Scrying Box. A small metal object with mysterious buttons on it, with a 2-foot-wide scrying window made of metal and unusual synthetic substances (it's a monitor), turning on the Inter-Dimensional Scrying Box gives you the near god-like ability to spy/scry (AKA spy-scry) on beings most mortals could never dream of encountering.

The downside? The things you see are scanned randomly, and the beings who fail their saving throws are usually pretty pathetic. 

Sound hard to manage as a Dungeon Master? Fear not! Below are two examples of the "channels" that you can describe to your players. Sorry if they both just read as "Dan writing extremely odd D&D comedy sketches," because that is exactly what I am doing, and noticing that would make sense. I could have written about magic candy wands instead, but I chose not to. 

To Have and Behold

The screen on your new scrying device shimmers with an image for a moment, but said image doesn't seem to come into complete focus. The view is blurry, as if through a lens covered in a salve of some kind, so that you might even say the focus is in soft focus. You begin to realize from subtle cues in the vision, like floating debris and magic fissures, that you are viewing an interaction deep in the Far Realm, a plane where humanoids dare not tread. However, this view seems not unlike an usually familiar place, and this place is clearly a medical building of some kind. You see a many-eyed creature, a beholder, weeping gently to itself. Then, a second beholder enters your view, holding what seems to be strange medical devices, dark blood splattered across its spherical body.

The Doctor Beholder (yes, you figure out that it's some kind of a medical one) says, somberly, "I'm sorry Stalkacelli, but despite my attempt to perform emergency surgery I was unable to save your lifemate."

The Crying Beholder, Stalkacelli, cries horribly, "Noooo!"

"You are going to have to dream a new lifemate into existence."

"But I liked that one! And I hate dreaming! Sometimes I make those weird, vampire beholders when I dream! I like sports and so did my old lifemate! Vampiric beings are too gothic and moody for me to be attracted to them!"

"I get it, Stalkacelli. We're a solitary and paranoid race by nature, and even coming to this beholder hospital and interacting with a beholder doctor must be excruciating for you, as it is for me. In fact, if I'm being honest, I didn't try that hard to save your lifemate. Even though they were injured, I suspected your lifemate was trying to take over this hospital and was faking their injuries in some kind of elaborate Machiavellian scheme, so I attacked and killed your lifemate rather than performing emergency surgery."

"I... I understand." Stalkacelli stops crying and looks longingly at the Doctor Beholder. "You seem admirably protective of your consolidated power at this hospital, doctor. Tell me, are you single?"

The Scrying Box monitor seems to pull in for an up-close, dramatic view of the beholders' faces. The view cuts back and forth now, strange and tumultuous music beginning to crescendo in the background, coming from an unknown source. The grieving Stalkacelli suddenly seems incredibly focused and impassioned towards the Doctor Beholder. The Doctor Beholder's face is pouring sweat, their bulbous primary eye darting back and forth, unsure of how to respond. Back and forth we see them, tension mounting for an unbearable amount of time without resolving itself.

Finally, the Doctor Beholder finally mutters, "I uh... I gotta go kill some other threatening patients."

Stalkacelli sneers with their sharp teeth, then floats towards a nearby Gazer nurse, muttering something to the nurse that sounds unusually seductive for a grieving creature.

The image fades into specks of inter-planar distortion.

Fox in the Gehenna House

You see what appears to be a darkened office of a detective agency, only the floor is smoldering magma, its dim embers just barely lighting the room from beneath. The walls, ceiling, and furniture all made from sleek obsidian. The atmosphere has what you might call a dark, or noir-like quality to it. Oh, and you notice everything in this room is at an unusual and extremely distracting 45 degree angle. You see a dragonborn is sitting at this obsidian desk, his desk, and is moodily sipping a drink and talking aloud to himself.

"Ever since Maanzecorian got offed, it's all anyone in this town can talk about. Me, all I want is a cheap drink and a one-way portal outta this dump. Gehenna's a rough place, and I'm tired of being a rough guy."

After a beat of brooding silence, as if on cue, the door to this detective's office is brutally flung open, and you see a succubus standing in the doorway, dramatically backlit by sconces in the hallyway. We also see that the force of the door being slammed open is causing the silhouette of everything in the office to slowly slide off the desk and the shelves.

The succubus starts to announce itself, but the dragonborn, suddenly jumping out of his chair behind the desk, interrupts.

"Inquistor Emberstone, I need to hire your servi-"

"Crap! Everything was really carefully balanced! Help me with this!"

"What? Oh, I'm sorry! Sorry!"

The two of them scramble, but there is a cacophony of crashing office decor. Everything glass slid quickly, is already a popped mess in the corner where the lower wall meets the floor. You hear the succubus try to get more into details about the job, but the dragonborn interrupts, cursing that a greater healing potion just broke, and that he'd try to attach little rubber stoppers to the bottom of everything but apparently that didn't work. The succubus also awkwardly grumbles about the magma floor's heat and the inquisitor mumbles about rent being low. You never really hear what the job is, just the succubus apologizing, and the dragonborn whining, with intermittent crashing as things fall over, are put back, and fall over again, because everything on this plane is at that really annoying 45 degree angle for some reason. Just when you think they're making progress, the inquisitor takes a break and leans on the desk, and you see a floor bolt on one of the desk legs get knocked loose, and the whole desk flips and smashes against the downhill wall.

Once again, the view disintegrates into a sort of fantastical, magical "static" if you want to call it that.

Want more channels? Try dropping this object into your campaign and have fun making up your own glimpses into unusual, but frustrating mundane worlds that bear a strange resemblance to your favorite shows. Obviously I was drawn to soap operas and detective noir for some reason, but if you want inspiration check out  the upcoming official Dungeons & Dragons VS Rick and Morty adventure. I was obviously excited enough to make up this silly little one-off idea, even though nobody really asked me to. Hopefully you're excited too! 

Dan Telfer is the Dungeons Humorist aka Comedy Archmage for D&D Beyond (a fun way they are letting him say "writer"), dungeon master for the Nerd Poker podcast, a stand-up comedian, a TV writer who also helped win some Emmys over at Comedy Central, and a former editor of MAD Magazine and The Onion. He can be found riding his bike around Los Angeles from gig to gig to gaming store, though the best way to find out what he's up to is to follow him on Twitter via @dantelfer.