Base Class: Fighter
You live in a world of magic, it’s everywhere. Or that’s what they WANT you to think! You through studious study have learned the awful truth. A secret so shocking that if it got out, it would rock the world to its very foundations. You know, despite what the Planar elitists and mainstream town criers tell you, despite what your own sense show you, that magic is not real. It’s a tool used by a secret cabal known as the Notorious Agency for Sheeple Authority to control the sheeple of the world.
Smoke and Mirrors
When you choose this archetype at 3rd level, you get smoke and mirrors. you know the tricks magic users use to fool the sheeple. They use smoke and mirrors! Whatever that means. Whenever a spell is cast against you that requires a saving throw, you may use your reaction to shout “Smoke and Mirrors”! This nonsense retort confuses the caster so much, it lowers the DC of the spell’s saving throw by 3. You must use this feature BEFORE you roll your saving throw. Because this trick depends on surprise, you may only use this feature once per combat and it has no effect on any creature that has witnessed you using Smoke and Mirrors before.
I’m Not Stupid!
Also, at 3 level you get I’m Not Stupid! You know healing magic exists because a world without healing magic doesn’t even make sense. And you would probably die without it, so its totally real. Any spell that allows you to gain hit points functions as normal when cast upon you.
The Red Pill
Starting at 7th level, you have found a like-minded individual who knows the Truth and can supply you with special Truth pills to fight the globalist lies. The Lamestream town criers would have you believe these pills are made with dangerous wild magic, but you know the Truth.
Once per day, when you roll initiative, you may take a red pill as a free action. When you do so, roll a D6, the red pill has the immediate effect listed on the table below.
D6 |
Effect |
Description |
1 |
Bad Batch |
No effect |
2 |
Squirrel, Squirrel, SQUIRREL! |
You are WIRED! The first time you make an attack, you may make another attack immediately as a free action |
3 |
What did I eat? aka (Explosive Diarrhea) |
Your movement speed is halved. You have disadvantage on all charisma checks until you change or wash your clothes. |
4 |
The Colors man, the colors. |
Colors become more vivid. Until the end of combat your passive perception is doubled and you cannot be surprised. |
5 |
Are you seeing this Sh*t? er stuff? |
Due to hallucinations, You have disadvantage on your first attack against a creature. All subsequent attacks on that creature are rolled normally. |
6 |
I told you so! |
You gain resistance to all magic effects. |
Starting at 18 level, you may take a red pill before each combat
I Told You So!
At 10th level, whenever you pass a saving throw against a magical effect, you believe that vindicates your position on the subject and become insufferably condescending. This undeserved confidence gives you advantage on your next melee or ranged attack.
Forming the Pride
Beginning at 15th level, you have honed your conversation skill enough to recruit followers whom you have dubbed the Lions. After completing a long rest roll 1d4-1. This is the number of followers you have for that day. These followers obey your commands and have the normal commoner stat block with the exception of intelligence and wisdom. All Lions have an intelligence below 8 and a wisdom less than 5.
You believe the ever-changing number of followers is due to N.A.S.A killing the Lions to prevent the spread of enlightenment, when in fact your Lions have a much higher than average mortality rate from accidents such as trying to pet a wild boar, eating food they found on the ground, or drowning in puddles. (It happens more often than you think)
The Worm Has Turned
Beginning at 18th level, your intense study into proving magic doesn’t exist has resulted in the opposite, you prove magic exists by accidentally learning a cantrip. Not only that, but your single-mindedness and inability to accept reality have resulted in you being able to cast this cantrip better than actual magic users. You may choose any cantrip that requires an attack roll from any spell list. Strength is your casting ability for this cantrip. As a bonus action you may cast this cantrip as if you were a 10 level caster. For example if you choose firebolt, you do 2d10 damage on a hit.
Note: The fact you are literally using magic has no effect on your belief that magic is not real.
When I heard anti Magic I thought I was going to be like asta from Black Clover but this is much funny
Fun, but kind of nonsensical in some places (and also horrible balancing wise).
"Smoke and Mirrors" is fun, but completely useless. A -3 to a DC, before you make the roll, as a reaction, only with spells, and only once per combat (or once per lifetime if you're in multiple combats with the same creature).
"I'm Not Stupid" makes it so that healing magic works on you. The problem with that is that healing magic works on you anyways, and there is literally no ability you have that says it shouldn't. It's like also having an ability that says you are unable to cast Wish unless you have the spell prepared and expend a 9th level spell slot.
"The Red Pill" is only once per day (days are amorphous, you should say long rest), and the odds are it will give you an actively harmful effect. Even the helpful effects are underwhelming.
"I Told You So!" is probably the best feature, in certain circumstances at least. It's fun, fits the theme, and is probably the most balanced feature of the subclass (although still pretty underpowered). The biggest problem is that it's completely useless when you aren't facing a spellcaster that has it out for you.
"Forming the Pride" is unnecessary. NOBODY wants to keep track of a group of (nerfed) commoners, especially not in battle. Plus, where the hell do they come from? What if you're in a dungeon? And the fact that you can just roll a 0 means that even if the commoners were helpful, it's a feature so variable it's practically useless.
THE WORM HAS TURNED
AT LAST, AN 18TH LEVEL ABILITY THAT ALLOWS ME ACCESS TO A SINGLE CANTRIP THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN NORMAL SINCE IT COUNTS YOU AS 10TH LEVEL INSTEAD OF 18TH. FINALLY, AFTER SO MUCH TIME SEARCHING!
That being said, funny.
hilarious