Newbie Monk: "Really hope this game doesn't make you take fall damage!"
DM/Fang of Yee: He looks confused as you have broken the fourth wall.
Newbie Monk: "Well, that won't be the only thing I'll be breaking..."
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The Tavern Mother (Trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds!)
I am the God-Queen of Trickery, Cunning, Lies, and Gaslighting- but you already knew that... "Moon's Haunted." *Cocks shotgun with malicious intent* "Eliksni must rise...yes?" _________ When it comes to pronouns I preferVariks-Senpai(But I'm a dude. Pronouns are weird.)
We found a throne room with a mummified corpse wearing crown. Out mission is to retrieve that crown. Cleric had a bright idea to cast speak with the dead on it: Cleric: Hey Corpse: You're all going to die here. Cleric: Yeah, yeah, bad news, pall, you already died here. Tough luck. Corpse: Who are you anyways. Cleric: I'm asking questions here, old man. It's literally written is spell decription. So question one: what happens if we take your crown. Corpse: The wards my wizards bulit would animate the court ant they would tear you apart like the filthy thieves you are. Cleric: Sooo... if we take YOU out of the throne without touching the crown? I've heard mummies are selling hot in Morgrave. Corpse: Basically the same thing. Cleric: OK. What if we take the throne with you and the crown? Corpse: You mother****er....
We found a throne room with a mummified corpse wearing crown. Out mission is to retrieve that crown. Cleric had a bright idea to cast speak with the dead on it: Cleric: Hey Corpse: You're all going to die here. Cleric: Yeah, yeah, bad news, pall, you already died here. Tough luck. Corpse: Who are you anyways. Cleric: I'm asking questions here, old man. It's literally written is spell decription. So question one: what happens if we take your crown. Corpse: The wards my wizards bulit would animate the court ant they would tear you apart like the filthy thieves you are. Cleric: Sooo... if we take YOU out of the throne without touching the crown? I've heard mummies are selling hot in Morgrave. Corpse: Basically the same thing. Cleric: OK. What if we take the throne with you and the crown? Corpse: You mother****er....
Then the tarrasque that the throne was key to imprisoning comes free, directly underneath the court.
We found a throne room with a mummified corpse wearing crown. Out mission is to retrieve that crown. Cleric had a bright idea to cast speak with the dead on it: Cleric: Hey Corpse: You're all going to die here. Cleric: Yeah, yeah, bad news, pall, you already died here. Tough luck. Corpse: Who are you anyways. Cleric: I'm asking questions here, old man. It's literally written is spell decription. So question one: what happens if we take your crown. Corpse: The wards my wizards bulit would animate the court ant they would tear you apart like the filthy thieves you are. Cleric: Sooo... if we take YOU out of the throne without touching the crown? I've heard mummies are selling hot in Morgrave. Corpse: Basically the same thing. Cleric: OK. What if we take the throne with you and the crown? Corpse: You mother****er....
Morgrave? As in, selling a mummy inside Morgrave University, or is this a different Morgrave?
We found a throne room with a mummified corpse wearing crown. Out mission is to retrieve that crown. Cleric had a bright idea to cast speak with the dead on it: Cleric: Hey Corpse: You're all going to die here. Cleric: Yeah, yeah, bad news, pall, you already died here. Tough luck. Corpse: Who are you anyways. Cleric: I'm asking questions here, old man. It's literally written is spell decription. So question one: what happens if we take your crown. Corpse: The wards my wizards bulit would animate the court ant they would tear you apart like the filthy thieves you are. Cleric: Sooo... if we take YOU out of the throne without touching the crown? I've heard mummies are selling hot in Morgrave. Corpse: Basically the same thing. Cleric: OK. What if we take the throne with you and the crown? Corpse: You mother****er....
Morgrave? As in, selling a mummy inside Morgrave University, or is this a different Morgrave?
You didn’t know? They have a whole mummy market, I’ve bought (and sold) there many times.
Barbarian: I take my portable ram and bash the door out. GM: You hear familiar "clang", much like when <fighter> get hit real hard. The door is made of pure adamantine. You can do this all day and only scratch the paint out of it. Fighter: OK, forget the treasury, we're stealing this door.
This is more of a song than a quote, but I guess the extra chattering counts. I was the DM btw.
Ranger: So, here we are. Krukol's cave. (Krukol is the name of the main bad guy btw.)
Paladin: In the name of the lord, what in the Nine Hells is that?! *Points to a floating humanlike figure*
Fighter: Looks like Krukol to me.
Krukol: Welcome, adventurers! Prepare to die! *Starts coughing*
Artificer (from Tasha's Cauldron of Anything): Why is some music coming out of his mouth?
Krukol: Starts singing. (Seriously.) "I want, to, incinerate, obilerate, and pulverise you, making sure you cannot live againnnnnnn, I wanna bash you, and mash you, and hammer, smash, and trash you, I want to destroy and crush you into dust, I want to destroy and crush you into freakin', freakin', dust, I want to destroy and crush you into dust, DUSTTTTTTTTTT!"
Warlock: *Notices big energy ball above Krukol's head during the song*
Krukol: *Throws energy ball at DUSTTTTTTTTTT part at players and does 2d10 damage*
The party encounters a new NPC that the fighter is supposed to know from his backstory.
NPC(DM): "[Fighter]! Don't you recognize me? We grew up together." Fighter (going along with it): "Ah. Yes. You're... ... ... ..." DM: "(Friedrich)" Fighter: "Freed**k. Are you the guy we're supposed to meet who knows how to get to the hidden entrance?" NPC: "That's me. I'll show you! (It's 'free-der-ick'.) Boy. Remember the trouble we used to get into? There's that one time--" Fighter: "Listen, Freed**k. Just tell us where it is and how to get in, and you just go home." NPC: "It would be easier if I show--" Fighter: "No. This is how this works. You're supposed to be a childhood friend that showed up outta nowhere. Something. Will. Kill. You. just for emotional impact. Give us the info and go home." DM: "That's being a bit meta." Fighter: "It's allowed when I'm trying to save life of my dear friend from childhood!"
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
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DM: Is there anything you want to do before you enter the room?
Barbarian: I confiscate [druid]’s lily-pad cakes.
Druid: I try to hide a lily-pad cake.
DM: Roll Sleight of Hand.
Druid: 11
DM: [druid] tries to tuck a lily-pad cake into his shirt, in what he thinks is stealthily but you can all see it.
Druid: Hey! I have Passive Perception 17, I can see when I’m doing something terribly!
Barbarian: Since you aren’t a little kid anymore, we’re not going to pretend we didn’t see that. Give it.
Druid: Fine. I should stick to spotting people who try to smuggle cakes.
DM: Yeah. That’s more your skill set.
Druid: I eat the cake.
Barbarian: Hey!
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
Can I have a lily pad cake?
Newbie Monk: "Really hope this game doesn't make you take fall damage!"
DM/Fang of Yee: He looks confused as you have broken the fourth wall.
Newbie Monk: "Well, that won't be the only thing I'll be breaking..."
The Tavern Mother (Trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds!)
I am the God-Queen of Trickery, Cunning, Lies, and Gaslighting- but you already knew that...
"Moon's Haunted." *Cocks shotgun with malicious intent*
"Eliksni must rise...yes?"
_________
When it comes to pronouns I prefer Variks-Senpai (But I'm a dude. Pronouns are weird.)
Here! *Cue vomiting sounds*
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
Player 1: I'm in a bad mood this morning, can't you see my skin's silver!
Player 2: I'm in a bad mood this morning, can't you see my sword's pointing at you?
Zepper, aasimar bard, has never told a lie or mislead someone in their life. Is trying to remove all secrets from the world.
Temerity, teifling, Way of the Drunken Master pirate monk. She left for 1 month, and now has to save her (big) brothers from a cult.
That’s me
Good choice of class if you’re avoiding fall damage...
That was not what I was expecting to happen
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
Read out loud from the printed materials for a magic item:
"This allows someone with a loaded tomato to ignore the loading property of a ballista."
Perfect for those who hate bad comedians!
"Wait, if the rickrolling robot is indestrucible, then we can use it to block the god-dragon's death beam!"
It was an interesting campaign.
Proud poster on the Create a World thread
Instead of saying "I'd like to loot the body," one of the players accidentally said, "I'd like to ravage the body."
What am I supposed to do with a signature?
Egg
We found a throne room with a mummified corpse wearing crown. Out mission is to retrieve that crown. Cleric had a bright idea to cast speak with the dead on it:
Cleric: Hey
Corpse: You're all going to die here.
Cleric: Yeah, yeah, bad news, pall, you already died here. Tough luck.
Corpse: Who are you anyways.
Cleric: I'm asking questions here, old man. It's literally written is spell decription. So question one: what happens if we take your crown.
Corpse: The wards my wizards bulit would animate the court ant they would tear you apart like the filthy thieves you are.
Cleric: Sooo... if we take YOU out of the throne without touching the crown? I've heard mummies are selling hot in Morgrave.
Corpse: Basically the same thing.
Cleric: OK. What if we take the throne with you and the crown?
Corpse: You mother****er....
Then the tarrasque that the throne was key to imprisoning comes free, directly underneath the court.
Come participate in the Competition of the Finest Brews, Edition XXVIII?
My homebrew stuff:
Spells, Monsters, Magic Items, Feats, Subclasses.
I am an Archfey, but nobody seems to notice.
Extended Signature
Morgrave? As in, selling a mummy inside Morgrave University, or is this a different Morgrave?
You didn’t know? They have a whole mummy market, I’ve bought (and sold) there many times.
Barbarian: I take my portable ram and bash the door out.
GM: You hear familiar "clang", much like when <fighter> get hit real hard. The door is made of pure adamantine. You can do this all day and only scratch the paint out of it.
Fighter: OK, forget the treasury, we're stealing this door.
This is more of a song than a quote, but I guess the extra chattering counts. I was the DM btw.
Ranger: So, here we are. Krukol's cave. (Krukol is the name of the main bad guy btw.)
Paladin: In the name of the lord, what in the Nine Hells is that?! *Points to a floating humanlike figure*
Fighter: Looks like Krukol to me.
Krukol: Welcome, adventurers! Prepare to die! *Starts coughing*
Artificer (from Tasha's Cauldron of Anything): Why is some music coming out of his mouth?
Krukol: Starts singing. (Seriously.) "I want, to, incinerate, obilerate, and pulverise you, making sure you cannot live againnnnnnn, I wanna bash you, and mash you, and hammer, smash, and trash you, I want to destroy and crush you into dust, I want to destroy and crush you into freakin', freakin', dust, I want to destroy and crush you into dust, DUSTTTTTTTTTT!"
Warlock: *Notices big energy ball above Krukol's head during the song*
Krukol: *Throws energy ball at DUSTTTTTTTTTT part at players and does 2d10 damage*
Bard: Ouch!
Me as DM: Bwahahahahaha lol
Party of two: Yeah, this is ____ and I'm _____.
Galeb Duhr: And who's the third one?
My new character: *sweats profusely in 8 stealth*
Come participate in the Competition of the Finest Brews, Edition XXVIII?
My homebrew stuff:
Spells, Monsters, Magic Items, Feats, Subclasses.
I am an Archfey, but nobody seems to notice.
Extended Signature
The party encounters a new NPC that the fighter is supposed to know from his backstory.
NPC(DM): "[Fighter]! Don't you recognize me? We grew up together."
Fighter (going along with it): "Ah. Yes. You're... ... ... ..."
DM: "(Friedrich)"
Fighter: "Freed**k. Are you the guy we're supposed to meet who knows how to get to the hidden entrance?"
NPC: "That's me. I'll show you! (It's 'free-der-ick'.) Boy. Remember the trouble we used to get into? There's that one time--"
Fighter: "Listen, Freed**k. Just tell us where it is and how to get in, and you just go home."
NPC: "It would be easier if I show--"
Fighter: "No. This is how this works. You're supposed to be a childhood friend that showed up outta nowhere. Something. Will. Kill. You. just for emotional impact. Give us the info and go home."
DM: "That's being a bit meta."
Fighter: "It's allowed when I'm trying to save life of my dear friend from childhood!"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.