I saw a thread like this a while back and I wanted to restart it. Just post quotes from your game that you thought were funny out of context. You can also post quotes that were funny in context. you can provide the context for the quote if you want
I'm just your everyday dungeon master. Ignore that jar full of souls. And those bones in the corner are just props, don't worry. I'm definitely NOT a lich. Definitely.
Yes, I like beholders. Yes, I curated an exquisite personality for commoner #2864. Yes, my catchphrase is "are you sure?"
To explain, my players were fighting in a keep and they were wandering through the bedrooms, where they found a young redhead human who was (of course) wary of them. So one of my players decided to throw jerky as a peace offering onto her bed.
In the words of the great philosopher, Unicorse, "Aaaannnnd why should I care??"
Best quote from a book ever: "If you love with your eyes, death is forever. If you love with your heart, there is no such thing as parting."- Jonah Cook, Ascendant, Songs of Chaos by Michael R. Miller. Highly recommend
"The bread casts fireball." Said completely monotonously by one of my players who was, at the time, playing a loaf of bread.
How were they playing a loaf of bread?? And were they a sentient loaf of bread, with arms, legs, and such, or was it just smart bread??
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In the words of the great philosopher, Unicorse, "Aaaannnnd why should I care??"
Best quote from a book ever: "If you love with your eyes, death is forever. If you love with your heart, there is no such thing as parting."- Jonah Cook, Ascendant, Songs of Chaos by Michael R. Miller. Highly recommend
"The bread casts fireball." Said completely monotonously by one of my players who was, at the time, playing a loaf of bread.
How were they playing a loaf of bread?? And were they a sentient loaf of bread, with arms, legs, and such, or was it just smart bread??
They were just a smart loaf of bread. The bread could speak (the party spent so much time trying to figure out how), cast spells, and could levitate at a speed of 30ft. per round.
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- Igglywiv the Wizard
I played every class, now playing every sub-class.
You would not believe how much ADHD helps with creating campaigns!
"I want pidgeoto to peck my fingers" "Yeah, I killed God." "Release the gimp!" "Fredrick, I choose you!" "Where there is condensation, there is respiration" "She kept harvesting liver... No, that was me! You're stealing my copyright!"
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DM: He doesn't have much besides the skin on his bones.
Me: I'll take the skin on his bones, then.
Also, this is for Redwall nerds: Eeeeeuuuuulllllllaaaaaaaalllllllliiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
"You know I just want one chill session, you know maybe instead of squeezing lemons in our eyes just squeeze the juice in water and put some sugar in it and then drink it. Or maybe instead of fighting a massive encounter where we are resurrected from the dead multiple time we just go fishing or something."
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"Uh, I have Illusory Script. I think I can read that."
I saw a thread like this a while back and I wanted to restart it. Just post quotes from your game that you thought were funny out of context. You can also post quotes that were funny in context. you can provide the context for the quote if you want
"I cast acid splash on the big balls."
I'm just your everyday dungeon master. Ignore that jar full of souls. And those bones in the corner are just props, don't worry. I'm definitely NOT a lich. Definitely.
Yes, I like beholders. Yes, I curated an exquisite personality for commoner #2864. Yes, my catchphrase is "are you sure?"
.-. .- -. -.. --- -- / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . .-.-.-
"I toss jerky at her bed."
To explain, my players were fighting in a keep and they were wandering through the bedrooms, where they found a young redhead human who was (of course) wary of them. So one of my players decided to throw jerky as a peace offering onto her bed.
In the words of the great philosopher, Unicorse, "Aaaannnnd why should I care??"
Best quote from a book ever: "If you love with your eyes, death is forever. If you love with your heart, there is no such thing as parting."- Jonah Cook, Ascendant, Songs of Chaos by Michael R. Miller. Highly recommend
"The bread casts fireball." Said completely monotonously by one of my players who was, at the time, playing a loaf of bread.
- Igglywiv the Wizard
I played every class, now playing every sub-class.
You would not believe how much ADHD helps with creating campaigns!
How were they playing a loaf of bread?? And were they a sentient loaf of bread, with arms, legs, and such, or was it just smart bread??
In the words of the great philosopher, Unicorse, "Aaaannnnd why should I care??"
Best quote from a book ever: "If you love with your eyes, death is forever. If you love with your heart, there is no such thing as parting."- Jonah Cook, Ascendant, Songs of Chaos by Michael R. Miller. Highly recommend
Thanks for all the reply’s guys these were really funny I think I will post this in thread in general discussion now as it makes more sense there.
“I don’t need wisdom for what I’m doing.”
They were just a smart loaf of bread. The bread could speak (the party spent so much time trying to figure out how), cast spells, and could levitate at a speed of 30ft. per round.
- Igglywiv the Wizard
I played every class, now playing every sub-class.
You would not believe how much ADHD helps with creating campaigns!
"You can't really, you can't really, you can't really, you can't really, you can't really, you can't really....."
Also look at signature
"Uh, I have Illusory Script. I think I can read that."
"Oh, yeah? Well, I've been in your bed."
“The past never changes—and from what I can see, neither does the future.”
"Save me an eyeball!"
DM: He doesn't have much besides the skin on his bones.
Me: I'll take the skin on his bones, then.
Also, this is for Redwall nerds: Eeeeeuuuuulllllllaaaaaaaalllllllliiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I want pidgeoto to peck my fingers" "Yeah, I killed God." "Release the gimp!" "Fredrick, I choose you!" "Where there is condensation, there is respiration" "She kept harvesting liver... No, that was me! You're stealing my copyright!"
DM: He doesn't have much besides the skin on his bones.
Me: I'll take the skin on his bones, then.
Also, this is for Redwall nerds: Eeeeeuuuuulllllllaaaaaaaalllllllliiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
"They're fish, they don't have blood" "Who needs a big boat when I have a big sword?" "I want to climb on top of the giant bear"
And who could forget "I want to explode"
This was all in the same session, by the way.
I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Can you solve my existential crisis?
EXCEPT THAT!
"Roll for Cosmetology"
"So is Mack the Knife included in this bardic duel?"
"No, Ulthgard Tribes do not have Death by Snu-Snu as an option..."
"Congratulations, it''s a brain in a jar!"
"No, you will NOT Awaken the zombie"
"The gods themselves cracked down on your interplanar crafting-based pyramid scheme:You are now wanted LITERALLY EVERYWHERE."
"Your plan to get back at The Xanathar's Guild is to...give The Skewered Dragon a 0-star review in the paper? Under a pen name?!"
"Congratulations:You taught Tiamat empathy."
"If you don't want to lose your kitty, don't send her to scout in places full of stirges"
"By the Power of Sergei...I HAVE THE POWERR!"
"Strixhaven does NOT let students have a gremishka as a pet. Not even if they're allegedly "fixed""
"What do you think this is, Narnia? Not every animal talks!"
"I cast Remove Curse! Now he can't "swear" revenge, haha!"
"50 lashings for that reference to Asmodeus's ass. 50 more for implying it's Dummy THICC"
"Hi, welcome to The Weave's Customer Service Desk. Mystra is not in the office right now, but I can take a message.."
"Gather all the lemons in today, for tommorow shall be... SQUEEZE LEMONS IN YOUR EYES DAY!!!!"
"Heavy boots, heavy boots, heavy boots."
"Just send him to Coffin Care!"
"No you don't understand, 9:38 doesn't exist!"
"Eat child bones!"
"Uh, I have Illusory Script. I think I can read that."
"It's quite tingy".
If you are being disingenuous and rude, consider this your only response.
Homebrew: dominance, The Necrotic
Extended signature
"They're looking pretty injured, actually."
"Getting struck by lightning three times in a row tends to do that to a person."
If you are being disingenuous and rude, consider this your only response.
Homebrew: dominance, The Necrotic
Extended signature
"You know I just want one chill session, you know maybe instead of squeezing lemons in our eyes just squeeze the juice in water and put some sugar in it and then drink it. Or maybe instead of fighting a massive encounter where we are resurrected from the dead multiple time we just go fishing or something."
"Uh, I have Illusory Script. I think I can read that."
"So you were a drugdealer."
If you are being disingenuous and rude, consider this your only response.
Homebrew: dominance, The Necrotic
Extended signature
"Ah, PBnJ, my old freind. Last time we met we ruled Barovia together."
"Uh, I have Illusory Script. I think I can read that."