Out of context quotes

“I’m the dragon’s social worker.”

”I interrogate the goblin with mayo and onions.”

”I use Prestidigitation to make the paladin and barbarian look like Metal Mario.”

(all from different campaigns)

Quote from IMPLAYS >>

"I toss jerky at her bed."

To explain, my players were fighting in a keep and they were wandering through the bedrooms, where they found a young redhead human who was (of course) wary of them. So one of my players decided to throw jerky as a peace offering onto her bed. 

 Did it work?

Quote from WolfeCriedPup >>

"I want pidgeoto to peck my fingers"  "Yeah, I killed God." "Release the gimp!" "Fredrick, I choose you!" "Where there is condensation, there is respiration" "She kept harvesting liver... No, that was me! You're stealing my copyright!" 

 Pokemon campaign?

1) "Calian's family is like, REALLY big."

    "Maybe everyone's just Calian's family and we're all just inbred."

     "..."

2) "I want to castrate this man."

     "YOU JUST NEUTERED A MAN"

3) "I pull out a resturant menu with scribbles all over it. 'Would you like to buy insurance?'"

4) "The poison water tastes like pankakes..."

    "PANCAKE HOME DID THIS. THEY POISONED THE WATER."

5) "blueberries...."

"I'm not doing anything until I find a Viola" later... "We start playing a Viola duet" later... "More Viola duets!" later... "Does a Viola count as an animal?" The last one was when asked what kind of balloon animal they wanted.