My first campaign started off very strange, they were investigating to find a cave and a slime dropped out of a tree, you would think they would try to attack it, but instead they asked it for directions (They rolled a 20). The slime brought them over to a cave, one of the characters ran straight through the cave, got their foot stuck in a bear trap (they were on 2 hp now), turned around and tried to ask out the slime. (They rolled another 20...)
one time in a game i was running with a new player i put them against a monster that had some spells and cast fireball on them killing 3 of them the new player who was a druid wildshaped into a constrictor snake tried to tell the parties cleric to not use command flee on it because it had advantage on that saving throw and i just looked at them and was like dude snakes dont speak common (yes they were metagamers)
for some background there is one group i usually dm for and sometimes am a player and the group is always trying to outplay the d.m with different shenanigans i was running a high level campaign this time with quite scattered levels from 8 to 11 there was a level 10 artificer level 11 druid and level 8 wizard on one session the druid spends almost all his gold on agate and sits down in the middle of nowhere with nothing to cast it on during this time the artificer is building his little robot even though they are not close to combat i have absolutely no idea what they are doing it seems very weird and close to the end of casting awaken the wizard asks to cast polymorph on the robot and the artificer says the robot is willing the wizard polymorphs the robot into a t rex as the druid casts awaken on this new t rex and then to keep the t rex happy they use summoning spells to feed him mammoths over the 30 days and to make the t rex even more powerfel the cast spells on it ln a combo of haste shield and bark skin
I decided to give one of my players (I'm the DM) a homebrewed, green-painted owl animatronic as a special item at the start of the game. The player attuned to Duo could choose a language once a month (in game), and if they go 30 days without losing a streak, they could learn that language. You cannot change the language until you break your streak or reach 30 days.
Every hour (in game), I would role a d4 to activate Duo (4 is an activation). If activated, the bird would make really loud chirping noises, and say "Hi! It's Duo, It's time for your daily ___ lesson. Take 5 minutes to complete it now." If you didn't do your Duo lesson, it would transform into a CR 15 D.U.O (Diction Understanding Observer), that would screech questions to them about the assigned language, and if you didn't get it right, it would attack you with an AOE body slam... which leaves you stunned... which prevents you from answering the next question. 😈
The FIRST question starts with an Intelligence check at 20, and for every incorrect answer, it would decrease by one, but for every correct answer, it would decrease by 5.
And, because I am the bloodthirsty DM that I am......... I didn't tell this to the player who had this little death machine on his shoulder.
They were a Level 4 party of 5. 😈
Now to the ACTUAL story.🤣🤣🤣
We were running a homebrew fantasy world loosely based on every fairy tale ever (including all Disney movies), and the player with Duo (his in-game name was Sekacnap, or pancakes backwards) was on a 25-day streak. Sekacnap was a homebrew race that is one of the Stitch experiments, but he can turn invisible in shadows. Naturally, he was a barbarian. 🙄🤣
The party was on a stealth mission in the Candy Fairy's house (twist on Hansel & Gretel), and they were watching some evil demons in child-suits stuffing the Candy Fairy into her own oven. Needless to say, as they were watching, Duo started its absurdly loud chirping noises. While Hansel & Gretel couldn't find Sekacnap, as he was invisible in the shadows, Sekacnap ended up NOT ANSWERING DUO!!!
Long story short, they found out Duo is a death machine by watching it one-shot Gretel, two-shot the Candy Fairy (on accident) and nearly kill the whole party.
3/5 players were on death saving throws, and they all miraculously survived.
And that's the time I had my players in genuine fear of a semi-helpful NPC animatronic DUOLINGO OWL!!!
One time, i'm running a sort-of horror campaign, and i do the boneless-on-a-skeleton trick, we defeat it, and this rock gnome druid (who keeps rolling nat 1s on stuff, like the time she failed to sneak past someone even though she cast pass without trace...) put on the boneless, even though it was dead, i made it stick to her and she had to have a werebear cut it off with a literal greataxe!
So, this one time we were introducing a new character, a druid. The rest of the party already being level 2 or 3, so the druid started off with Wildshape. In our group we had a homebrew divine human samurai, a dragon-themed Wild Magic sorcerer (ironic) and her pet chicken/all-powerful dragon god, and a tortle artificer.
Anyways, the druid spied on the PCs as they were coming down the road and decided he wanted to rob them. So he Wildshaped into a weasel and got right in the middle of them. They tried attacking it (suspecting a trap), and the weasel was just running around. Eventually the weasel jumped on the tortle's back and crawled in between his shell and his back (I know, I know, not biologically possible, but we were more Rules As Fun). The tortle pulled into his shell, which crushed the weasel. The weasel dropped down to 0 HP, and being a druid, reverted to his normal human form. This forced the tortle out of his own shell! The druid then tried running, but being weighed down by the tortle's shell, the party easily caught up to him. They tripped him and rolled him onto his back, still inside the shell, and he just laughs and says, "That was fun!" And the party basically says, "Wanna join us?", and he said "Sure."
Ok, so the party consisted of Haya (a female human Wild Magic sorcerer, whose family guarded a shrine and library dedicated to the Dragon Gods), Kaiba Muramasa, Emperor of Japan (a male human samurai fighter with divine heritage, who had been transported across space to semi-ancient China), Timmy the Tortle (a male Tortle Armorer Artificer who converted his shell into armor and was obsessed with trying to attach a cannon to it *you know, typical artificer shenanigans*), and the druid mentioned in the previous post, whose name I forget (he only played a few sessions). We were playing in a historical fantasy version of China/Japan.
One time, Haya and Kaiba were battling some thugs in an abandoned warehouse. Haya uses thunderwave and lets off a Wild Magic Surge, this one which gives her HP at the beginning of each of her turns. She promptly gets knocked unconscious when a thug hits her (meanwhile Kaiba is pretty successful taking down more thugs). Haya's turn comes around again and she lets off chaos bolt, nailing a couple of thugs (though they didn't die). She then gets knocked unconscious again. This happens several times, until finally all the thugs are defeated. It is nice seeing Wild Magic Surge actually contribute to the humor AND usefulness of the character!
I just joined, which is why I am posting these all right now, but here are a few more humorous ones.
The heroes (Kaiba Muramasa, Timmy the Tortle, Haya the Crazy, and this big Pandafolk Barbarian, using Goliath stats, who was only here for this one session) were asked for help from this village who said that their water supply had been cursed and had taken several of the village's children. The villagers thought this was Mer Ling, an old wizard who lived near the well's fault. When they came to Mer Ling's house, the PCs noticed the man was not even remotely evil and was instead very silly. He said, "Actually, I had nothing to do with the well! There is a monster down there! So they went to the well.
Now, Haya was always doing crazy things, so she was like, "I'm going to jump into the well!"
Other Characters: ...
Haya: Is about to jump in the well when she sees a shape moving in the water at the bottom.
Haya: Hey guys, there's something in the water!
Other Characters: DON'T JUMP IN!
Haya: Imma jump in! *attempts to jump in*
Kaiba and Timmy: NO!
Panda Barbarian: *calmly walks over to her and grabs Haya to prevent her from jumping in* Says, "Get a rope."
So they tie Haya on a long line held by Panda, so she can move around to help, but can't jump in the well.
As Kaiba and Timmy descend down a staircase in the well (more of a cistern, really), the water starts to rise...
Kaiba: Back to the top!
They race back to the top of the well, and Haya is straining against the rope, while the Panda is just sitting there calmly, holding the rope. As they reach the top and turn around, the water flows about 20 feet to the top of the well, and a shape rises from it...a water weird. They start battling, but they are not doing so hot, so Mer Ling shows up and tries to help by shooting a lightning bolt at the creature. Aaaaand promptly rolling a nat 1, burning through the rope which the Panda and Haya are still attached to.
Haya: YES!!! *jumps into well*
Kaiba and Timmy: "..."
The Panda sits down and starts munching on some bamboo.
After the fight is still going badly (I say badly, I mean the PCs were not really hitting the water weird), the Panda sighs, stands up, and enters the battle. But he doesn't enter Rage. Peaceful Barbarian I guess. This STILL doesn't win the fight, so Haya (who is in the water, and somewhat drowning) asks (OOC), "Can I blow up the well from the inside with fireball?"
Me, the DM: ...sure. When the walls of the well implode, the new material in the water forces the water up another 20 feet, so it is now at surface level. You, Haya are pushed beneath the water as the opening forces you lower and lower into the well.
Haya: Uh-oh.
As the fight closes, Timmy asks, "Hey, can I trap the water weird in my bag of holding?"
Me, the DM: Why?
Timmy: I want to tame it and attempt to put him into the cannon attached to my shell-armor.
Me: "..." (This is an expression my players give me a lot.)
Meanwhile, Haya is forced into an underwater cavern. There she finds a glowing seaweed that lets her breathe underwater. She also finds the missing children of the village, who were in a coma-like state and kept alive with the seaweed. Kaiba, Timmy, the Panda, and Mer Ling come down and find her via a series of caves that lead to the cavern.
I suppose I should explain Puny, Haya's chicken/all-powerful dragon god companion now...
So, anyways, Puny is this chicken who Haya carries around and talks to (he basically acts like her familiar). Haya was given him at the Shrine of the Dragon Gods. He is actually the son of the King of the Celestial Dragons and was put into chicken form as punishment for being too involved in human affairs. "It is fitting, I suppose," said Puny dejectedly (telepathically to Haya). "After all, Puny is short for Punishment."
I used Puny as comic relief and my deus ex machina, aka plot armor. He was occasionally able to use his powers to help the party (like one time with a mass heal after a TPKO [total party knock-out]).
Kaiba, being the Emperor of Japan, his house's royal symbol was a dragon, specifically the prince of the Celestial Dragons...
Another one (same campaign) it was mainly dragon based and there was a ritual thing where a cultist consumed magical dragon blessed fire and got a dragon power thing and its a very evil profain ritual guess who wants to do it the lawful neutral druid I let him do and gave him a breath weapon but probably gonna make him have some kind of mind rot or something
another one in my very first campaign i was running a very evil drow death cleric and in the FIRST session i got frightened by some kind of thing i forget what exactly so i couldnt properly sleep and so in the second session i was at 6 exhaustion but thankfully the dm gave me a new god to worship other than lolth and cured my exhaustion unfortunately the campaign ended because of the real bbeg of dnd SCHEDULING ISSUES
For some context, I joined a starting campaign and made a half elf wizard with no backstory, thinking I could make it up as I go along. 3 sessions later ... I am a HALF Half-elf and half demon. homicidal. pyromaniac. wizard who loves animals, owning a talking horse named elizabeth given to him by the Fey Queen. Oh did I mention I had gained items that gave a x2 damage on all fire spells and as a custom demon perk a +2 to all fire spells. As a pyromancer. I got a little ... chaotic neutral. The DM got annoyed sometimes.
In the latest session I was scouting with elizabeth when I saw an enemy camp and decided to sneak in ON my horse. I was hoping to enter epically and destroy its minions because why not (the reason all characters chaotic netral have for anyting they do).
DM confused says "roll for animal handling" I proceed to roll A 32. Me and Elizabeth GROW WINGS and fly back to the party. We wait for day and enter the camp.
DM: You see a evil being looking at you 8 feet tall and huge with muscles
Me: (half devil) Grandpa?
The DM and the rest of the party start laughing uncontrollably
after 3 minutes of laughing DM: roll for persuasion
NATURAL. F###ING. TWENTY. +4
DM: The evil being is confused, would you like to attack
ME: YES! (completely ignoring every one else in the party)
DM: roll for initiative, demon goes last because its stunned.
I proceed to roll level 2 burning hands (4d6s) I get 24. I do the math for a second and start screaming.
ME: THATS 50 DAMAGE BABY (after x2 +2 boosts)
Proceed to learn it was a vampire. DM annoyed I look heroic and bada$$. Chaotic neutral accomplished.
So I as a DM was playing as a PC as well, simply because I wanted to get any players who got off track back on track, anyways my character and another person who was the reason I needed a character just witnessed two other party members get thrown through a sandy doorway that disappears immediately, as soon as the doorway vanishes they hear a loud whoosh of wind, my character responds with "What in the unholy hell is HAPPENING!" He is still freaking out as an air elemental bursts through the door ready to kill them (by the way they were supposed to run) The other character very quickly responds with "WHO THE %#*@ ARE YOU? AND WHERE DID YOU PUT OUR FREINDS?!" my character is on the floor having a mental breakdown and suddenly this elemental is taken aback and responds with "I have no name, I have never seen you before, and how dare you talk to me that way?" his character asks to intimidate the elemental, nat 20, I ask how he intimidates him and he responds with "I DO A BACKFLIP, AND START BRECKDANCING!" I just stare at him for awhile while I say, that this elemental is suddenly terrified of your dancing skills and slowly backs out of the room while I am sitting in a corner trying to throw pebbles at the elemental, we now call him the 'fearless dancer', P.S. he was a blue dragonborn ranger.
One time our dm pitted 2 invisible enemies against the rogue me (a wizard) and the paladin could not do anything so I cast fireball but the dm ruled that I did not in fact actually cast fireball.
My players f*****g killed a manticore AT LEVEL 1 and proceeded to kill an ancient white dragon in one round. THEY NEED TO BE STOPPED PLZ HELP
well, go ahead and tell us the wacky story about how an ancient white dragon was rule-of-cool'd'etat-ed. maybe it'll help you spot where things took a leap.
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unhappy at the way in which we lost individual purchases for one-off subclasses, magic items, and monsters?
tell them you don't like features disappeared quietly in the night: providefeedback!
So the party was screwing around in a goblin town, ended up eradicating the monsters, ended up getting an immovable rod, one of then the cleric nat 20’ed a acrobatics check, got onto the head, waited until the mouth was shut and slammed the immovable rod across its face, rendering two attacks useless. Then, the wizards finished the dude off with a lot of magic missiles.
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My first campaign started off very strange, they were investigating to find a cave and a slime dropped out of a tree, you would think they would try to attack it, but instead they asked it for directions (They rolled a 20). The slime brought them over to a cave, one of the characters ran straight through the cave, got their foot stuck in a bear trap (they were on 2 hp now), turned around and tried to ask out the slime. (They rolled another 20...)
one time in a game i was running with a new player i put them against a monster that had some spells and cast fireball on them killing 3 of them the new player who was a druid wildshaped into a constrictor snake tried to tell the parties cleric to not use command flee on it because it had advantage on that saving throw and i just looked at them and was like dude snakes dont speak common (yes they were metagamers)
for some background there is one group i usually dm for and sometimes am a player and the group is always trying to outplay the d.m with different shenanigans i was running a high level campaign this time with quite scattered levels from 8 to 11 there was a level 10 artificer level 11 druid and level 8 wizard on one session the druid spends almost all his gold on agate and sits down in the middle of nowhere with nothing to cast it on during this time the artificer is building his little robot even though they are not close to combat i have absolutely no idea what they are doing it seems very weird and close to the end of casting awaken the wizard asks to cast polymorph on the robot and the artificer says the robot is willing the wizard polymorphs the robot into a t rex as the druid casts awaken on this new t rex and then to keep the t rex happy they use summoning spells to feed him mammoths over the 30 days and to make the t rex even more powerfel the cast spells on it ln a combo of haste shield and bark skin
Two Words: Duolingo Owl
Some backstory first:
I decided to give one of my players (I'm the DM) a homebrewed, green-painted owl animatronic as a special item at the start of the game. The player attuned to Duo could choose a language once a month (in game), and if they go 30 days without losing a streak, they could learn that language. You cannot change the language until you break your streak or reach 30 days.
Every hour (in game), I would role a d4 to activate Duo (4 is an activation). If activated, the bird would make really loud chirping noises, and say "Hi! It's Duo, It's time for your daily ___ lesson. Take 5 minutes to complete it now." If you didn't do your Duo lesson, it would transform into a CR 15 D.U.O (Diction Understanding Observer), that would screech questions to them about the assigned language, and if you didn't get it right, it would attack you with an AOE body slam... which leaves you stunned... which prevents you from answering the next question. 😈
The FIRST question starts with an Intelligence check at 20, and for every incorrect answer, it would decrease by one, but for every correct answer, it would decrease by 5.
And, because I am the bloodthirsty DM that I am......... I didn't tell this to the player who had this little death machine on his shoulder.
They were a Level 4 party of 5. 😈
Now to the ACTUAL story.🤣🤣🤣
We were running a homebrew fantasy world loosely based on every fairy tale ever (including all Disney movies), and the player with Duo (his in-game name was Sekacnap, or pancakes backwards) was on a 25-day streak. Sekacnap was a homebrew race that is one of the Stitch experiments, but he can turn invisible in shadows. Naturally, he was a barbarian. 🙄🤣
The party was on a stealth mission in the Candy Fairy's house (twist on Hansel & Gretel), and they were watching some evil demons in child-suits stuffing the Candy Fairy into her own oven. Needless to say, as they were watching, Duo started its absurdly loud chirping noises. While Hansel & Gretel couldn't find Sekacnap, as he was invisible in the shadows, Sekacnap ended up NOT ANSWERING DUO!!!
Long story short, they found out Duo is a death machine by watching it one-shot Gretel, two-shot the Candy Fairy (on accident) and nearly kill the whole party.
3/5 players were on death saving throws, and they all miraculously survived.
And that's the time I had my players in genuine fear of a semi-helpful NPC animatronic DUOLINGO OWL!!!
😂😂😂Makes me laugh every time.
-Archie
One time, i'm running a sort-of horror campaign, and i do the boneless-on-a-skeleton trick, we defeat it, and this rock gnome druid (who keeps rolling nat 1s on stuff, like the time she failed to sneak past someone even though she cast pass without trace...) put on the boneless, even though it was dead, i made it stick to her and she had to have a werebear cut it off with a literal greataxe!
PM me the word tomato
So, this one time we were introducing a new character, a druid. The rest of the party already being level 2 or 3, so the druid started off with Wildshape. In our group we had a homebrew divine human samurai, a dragon-themed Wild Magic sorcerer (ironic) and her pet chicken/all-powerful dragon god, and a tortle artificer.
Anyways, the druid spied on the PCs as they were coming down the road and decided he wanted to rob them. So he Wildshaped into a weasel and got right in the middle of them. They tried attacking it (suspecting a trap), and the weasel was just running around. Eventually the weasel jumped on the tortle's back and crawled in between his shell and his back (I know, I know, not biologically possible, but we were more Rules As Fun). The tortle pulled into his shell, which crushed the weasel. The weasel dropped down to 0 HP, and being a druid, reverted to his normal human form. This forced the tortle out of his own shell! The druid then tried running, but being weighed down by the tortle's shell, the party easily caught up to him. They tripped him and rolled him onto his back, still inside the shell, and he just laughs and says, "That was fun!" And the party basically says, "Wanna join us?", and he said "Sure."
Ok, so the party consisted of Haya (a female human Wild Magic sorcerer, whose family guarded a shrine and library dedicated to the Dragon Gods), Kaiba Muramasa, Emperor of Japan (a male human samurai fighter with divine heritage, who had been transported across space to semi-ancient China), Timmy the Tortle (a male Tortle Armorer Artificer who converted his shell into armor and was obsessed with trying to attach a cannon to it *you know, typical artificer shenanigans*), and the druid mentioned in the previous post, whose name I forget (he only played a few sessions). We were playing in a historical fantasy version of China/Japan.
One time, Haya and Kaiba were battling some thugs in an abandoned warehouse. Haya uses thunderwave and lets off a Wild Magic Surge, this one which gives her HP at the beginning of each of her turns. She promptly gets knocked unconscious when a thug hits her (meanwhile Kaiba is pretty successful taking down more thugs). Haya's turn comes around again and she lets off chaos bolt, nailing a couple of thugs (though they didn't die). She then gets knocked unconscious again. This happens several times, until finally all the thugs are defeated. It is nice seeing Wild Magic Surge actually contribute to the humor AND usefulness of the character!
BTW, Haya's skin turned blue. Twice.
I just joined, which is why I am posting these all right now, but here are a few more humorous ones.
The heroes (Kaiba Muramasa, Timmy the Tortle, Haya the Crazy, and this big Pandafolk Barbarian, using Goliath stats, who was only here for this one session) were asked for help from this village who said that their water supply had been cursed and had taken several of the village's children. The villagers thought this was Mer Ling, an old wizard who lived near the well's fault. When they came to Mer Ling's house, the PCs noticed the man was not even remotely evil and was instead very silly. He said, "Actually, I had nothing to do with the well! There is a monster down there! So they went to the well.
Now, Haya was always doing crazy things, so she was like, "I'm going to jump into the well!"
Other Characters: ...
Haya: Is about to jump in the well when she sees a shape moving in the water at the bottom.
Haya: Hey guys, there's something in the water!
Other Characters: DON'T JUMP IN!
Haya: Imma jump in! *attempts to jump in*
Kaiba and Timmy: NO!
Panda Barbarian: *calmly walks over to her and grabs Haya to prevent her from jumping in* Says, "Get a rope."
So they tie Haya on a long line held by Panda, so she can move around to help, but can't jump in the well.
As Kaiba and Timmy descend down a staircase in the well (more of a cistern, really), the water starts to rise...
Kaiba: Back to the top!
They race back to the top of the well, and Haya is straining against the rope, while the Panda is just sitting there calmly, holding the rope. As they reach the top and turn around, the water flows about 20 feet to the top of the well, and a shape rises from it...a water weird. They start battling, but they are not doing so hot, so Mer Ling shows up and tries to help by shooting a lightning bolt at the creature. Aaaaand promptly rolling a nat 1, burning through the rope which the Panda and Haya are still attached to.
Haya: YES!!! *jumps into well*
Kaiba and Timmy: "..."
The Panda sits down and starts munching on some bamboo.
After the fight is still going badly (I say badly, I mean the PCs were not really hitting the water weird), the Panda sighs, stands up, and enters the battle. But he doesn't enter Rage. Peaceful Barbarian I guess. This STILL doesn't win the fight, so Haya (who is in the water, and somewhat drowning) asks (OOC), "Can I blow up the well from the inside with fireball?"
Me, the DM: ...sure. When the walls of the well implode, the new material in the water forces the water up another 20 feet, so it is now at surface level. You, Haya are pushed beneath the water as the opening forces you lower and lower into the well.
Haya: Uh-oh.
As the fight closes, Timmy asks, "Hey, can I trap the water weird in my bag of holding?"
Me, the DM: Why?
Timmy: I want to tame it and attempt to put him into the cannon attached to my shell-armor.
Me: "..." (This is an expression my players give me a lot.)
Meanwhile, Haya is forced into an underwater cavern. There she finds a glowing seaweed that lets her breathe underwater. She also finds the missing children of the village, who were in a coma-like state and kept alive with the seaweed. Kaiba, Timmy, the Panda, and Mer Ling come down and find her via a series of caves that lead to the cavern.
I suppose I should explain Puny, Haya's chicken/all-powerful dragon god companion now...
So, anyways, Puny is this chicken who Haya carries around and talks to (he basically acts like her familiar). Haya was given him at the Shrine of the Dragon Gods. He is actually the son of the King of the Celestial Dragons and was put into chicken form as punishment for being too involved in human affairs. "It is fitting, I suppose," said Puny dejectedly (telepathically to Haya). "After all, Puny is short for Punishment."
I used Puny as comic relief and my deus ex machina, aka plot armor. He was occasionally able to use his powers to help the party (like one time with a mass heal after a TPKO [total party knock-out]).
Kaiba, being the Emperor of Japan, his house's royal symbol was a dragon, specifically the prince of the Celestial Dragons...
Another one (same campaign) it was mainly dragon based and there was a ritual thing where a cultist consumed magical dragon blessed fire and got a dragon power thing and its a very evil profain ritual guess who wants to do it the lawful neutral druid I let him do and gave him a breath weapon but probably gonna make him have some kind of mind rot or something
hello
another one in my very first campaign i was running a very evil drow death cleric and in the FIRST session i got frightened by some kind of thing i forget what exactly so i couldnt properly sleep and so in the second session i was at 6 exhaustion but thankfully the dm gave me a new god to worship other than lolth and cured my exhaustion unfortunately the campaign ended because of the real bbeg of dnd SCHEDULING ISSUES
TERRIFYING but funny
stealing this
For some context, I joined a starting campaign and made a half elf wizard with no backstory, thinking I could make it up as I go along. 3 sessions later ... I am a HALF Half-elf and half demon. homicidal. pyromaniac. wizard who loves animals, owning a talking horse named elizabeth given to him by the Fey Queen. Oh did I mention I had gained items that gave a x2 damage on all fire spells and as a custom demon perk a +2 to all fire spells. As a pyromancer. I got a little ... chaotic neutral. The DM got annoyed sometimes.
In the latest session I was scouting with elizabeth when I saw an enemy camp and decided to sneak in ON my horse. I was hoping to enter epically and destroy its minions because why not (the reason all characters chaotic netral have for anyting they do).
DM confused says "roll for animal handling" I proceed to roll A 32. Me and Elizabeth GROW WINGS and fly back to the party. We wait for day and enter the camp.
DM: You see a evil being looking at you 8 feet tall and huge with muscles
Me: (half devil) Grandpa?
The DM and the rest of the party start laughing uncontrollably
after 3 minutes of laughing DM: roll for persuasion
NATURAL. F###ING. TWENTY. +4
DM: The evil being is confused, would you like to attack
ME: YES! (completely ignoring every one else in the party)
DM: roll for initiative, demon goes last because its stunned.
I proceed to roll level 2 burning hands (4d6s) I get 24. I do the math for a second and start screaming.
ME: THATS 50 DAMAGE BABY (after x2 +2 boosts)
Proceed to learn it was a vampire. DM annoyed I look heroic and bada$$. Chaotic neutral accomplished.
I AM HOMICIDE I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF FIRE I AM STRENGTH AND POWER PRAISE LORD JEFF THE EVIL ROOOOOOOMMMBBBAAAAA
I AM PURE HATE! MY NAME IS BURDURXA SHADEMAKER! TREMBLE IN FEAR AT ITS MENTION!!!! PM ME THE WORD TOMATO OR I WILL SLAP YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD!!
MY VENOM SYMBIOTE: FFFFUUUUUURRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY
So I as a DM was playing as a PC as well, simply because I wanted to get any players who got off track back on track, anyways my character and another person who was the reason I needed a character just witnessed two other party members get thrown through a sandy doorway that disappears immediately, as soon as the doorway vanishes they hear a loud whoosh of wind, my character responds with "What in the unholy hell is HAPPENING!" He is still freaking out as an air elemental bursts through the door ready to kill them (by the way they were supposed to run) The other character very quickly responds with "WHO THE %#*@ ARE YOU? AND WHERE DID YOU PUT OUR FREINDS?!" my character is on the floor having a mental breakdown and suddenly this elemental is taken aback and responds with "I have no name, I have never seen you before, and how dare you talk to me that way?" his character asks to intimidate the elemental, nat 20, I ask how he intimidates him and he responds with "I DO A BACKFLIP, AND START BRECKDANCING!" I just stare at him for awhile while I say, that this elemental is suddenly terrified of your dancing skills and slowly backs out of the room while I am sitting in a corner trying to throw pebbles at the elemental, we now call him the 'fearless dancer', P.S. he was a blue dragonborn ranger.
One time our dm pitted 2 invisible enemies against the rogue me (a wizard) and the paladin could not do anything so I cast fireball but the dm ruled that I did not in fact actually cast fireball.
My players f*****g killed a manticore AT LEVEL 1 and proceeded to kill an ancient white dragon in one round. THEY NEED TO BE STOPPED PLZ HELP
well, go ahead and tell us the wacky story about how an ancient white dragon was rule-of-cool'd'etat-ed. maybe it'll help you spot where things took a leap.
unhappy at the way in which we lost individual purchases for one-off subclasses, magic items, and monsters?
tell them you don't like features disappeared quietly in the night: provide feedback!
So the party was screwing around in a goblin town, ended up eradicating the monsters, ended up getting an immovable rod, one of then the cleric nat 20’ed a acrobatics check, got onto the head, waited until the mouth was shut and slammed the immovable rod across its face, rendering two attacks useless. Then, the wizards finished the dude off with a lot of magic missiles.