Burt steps out for the weekend and everything goes to shit. That's why we're the Macklinators. First watch, GO: 8

Galipoli will take second, with a 8

Since we have the time, he'll do some hunty foragy stuff, to see if we can eat something not rations Survival 16

And he'll cuddle with the hat to determine its properties. Also, Elderberry, did you get a magic glance at the boss's ring?

Heh, the perception roll was to notice Greg's hat.

Watchwise: Perception 12

Foraging: Survival 21

If the foraging check makes it, that's 8 pounds of food and 4 gallons of water. Fiver isn't a nuts and berries kinda guy, so let's assume that's root crops and the like. Anyone for a platter of wild turnip and free-range pumpkin?

"Well Greg my friend. Let's not horse around here. I did get a look at the bosses ring but the DeeEm didn't tell me it glowed. But at the same way I wasn't told that TBKs illegal +1 sword glowed or my stick (he presses the button to make it actually glow) glowed even though I know there were"

Before settling down for the night, Greg manages to rustle up some wild roots and berries and a couple of hares for dinner. Fiver catches a panna cotta in his snare for dessert. Everyone eats heartily unless one of you is lactose intolerant.

The night passes without event. Unless one of you was lactose intolerant in the previous sentence, then there was a fairly explosive incident but no one got caught in the blast.

Ira, you don't remember seeing the ring glow, but then I don't remember you looking... but it's not magic. That would make it worthwhile loot and... come on, look around you! This campaign ain't the ritz, it's a crack den.

Greg, after some spooning and cuddles with your new hat, it still seems emotionally distant, as if it has nothing it wants to share with you, as if one long rest was all you'll ever have together... I'm no expert but it could be that it's the joke bard-brain condom I mentioned in the OOC chat to stop Burt from getting anyone else pregnant. We won't know until he spends at least an hour cuddling it and if I'm wrong the hat will be pregnant too.

Rising in the morning, it's another glorious sunny day, just like the one before, because I can't remember what page of the DMG the weather table is on. The world is your oyster. So how you gonna shuck it?

Ira didn't look at the ring, he looked around him for Will and it would have been in his view at one point (well based on periferal vision multiple points) 

And the meal tasted rather bland. In fact it didn't taste at all. But I guess that is an issue with having no tongue.

Time to get moving. Iradon gets up, turns off his glowy stick and turns to Greg. "I am still trying to find Will and the ring does not glow. On a separate note, would it be to much trouble if I were to get a ride back to town, with me having such short legs and you being so majestic." (UK, depending how much you read back, I only speak telepathically but you might as well assume I'm always talking to you as everyone else does. I'm not but that doesn't seem to stop Burt listening in) 

Greg hands the cranial condom to Burt I think this is for you boss. Ribbed....for her pleasure

Gas grass or ass, little man. Rides for retreats only, or heavily compensated, or for little kids who need entertaining while Burt is entertaining. Get Fiver to give you a piggyback. He's strong, and the only one with all his appendages (we assume). The wee wickle weggies you have only matter in combat.

But we are going back to shucking town to do some shucking commerce

Burt shall wear his hat with style? indifference: 10

And shall take the lead back to town: survival 13

Fiver is happy to piggyback Ira and use him to hold the sky up. There's no speed benefit though, as dwarves also move at the same rate as halflings.

The Knight of the Color That Shall Remain Nameless Colorless rises and blinks his eyes, unclear why anyone would mention anything about completely and most appropriately obtained plus sized weapons.  Seems a bit plus-est really. It's not so different after all, just a little plussing. Embrace the diversity, I say. He rubs the pummel lightly and whispers to the weapon, Pay them no heed. Keep being yourself. Be as plus as you feel.  The weapons feelings seem to return to the state they were in prior to anyone acting as if it were somehow procured in some less that forthright way. Which is to say, completely and utterly without any care whatsoever, what with it being an inanimate piece of steel really. Although with a really nice edge if it does say so itself. Which it doesn't. Again... inanimate piece of steel. 

And so our intrepid trio of 5 (I may have written this back when the party was smaller) set off on their way back to Red Larch, chests puffed up with the triumph of another worthless, xpless, lootless sidequest in the bag.

20

oh dear

12 - 1 - 2

As you descend the foothills towards the road, you can see 2 men walking northeast, away from Red Larch and deeper into the hillside. From this distance, one looks to be wearing flowing robes and it shooting finger-guns at bushes as they pass - the bushes burst into flames, much to the amusement of the pair. The other looks to be well armoured, you can see the sunlight glint off the metal as it shifts with his stride. He's holding what look like 2 leashes, and on the other end of them are long blackened lumps with legs, straining to pull their keeper forward.

so, what next chaps and chapettes and those who identify as neither?

Burt decides anyone that is using finger guns can't be bad, and waves heartily. Hey there, fellas! Nice blackened leg lumps you got there! We've got a black forest ham knight ourselves.

Fiver stays incredibly silent as he now knows introductions are not his forte. As a precaution he lets Ira dismount, but stands between Ira and the encountees in a faux casual, ready-for-combat, down-for-anything stance. If time permits he may also longingly admire the armour being walked towards us.

Yon Knight sans-Pigment rubs his hands together before warming them over the flaming bush as he shakes off the chill. He joins Fabled Burts Incognito in hallo in the new comers, "What say fellows," he says, "Did you just have breakfast? Thought I smelled bacon. Nice fire this."

Iradon telepathically says to them. "Good morrow to you. To where might you be headed?" 

Stumps' letting the charismatics try and turn this into a social encounter, standing by for if that fails.

2

The two figures stop on hearing your voices, the leashed creatures planting their rear legs wide and lowering their heads, a low growl emanating from.... it's hard to tell. Lets say there's a mouth. I can't see where it is though.

Finger guns whispers something to his armoured companion, who laughs, then he points a non-threatening thumb at you and says "Howdy Strangers. Long way from town, ain'tcha? Say.... that sure is a nice hat...."

Thank you. It is a nice hat. Some people around here don't appreciate hardly anything fashionable or awesome. And by people, I actually mean halflings. And by halflings, I mean that little runt over there that still smells faintly of 'chup. Because halflings aren't really "people" per se. More like half people. Which, I suppose is where they got the word halfling from. OMG....I think I just figured out something......

"So what brings you boys all the way out here? Lookin fer something?" Fingers continues.

His companion makes calming noises to his crusty pets as they begin to strain in your direction. The longer you spend looking at them the more like burned sausages with legs they look....You are about to start suspecting they are some kind of terrible pun when one of them barks, revealing a vicious, fang-lined gash in it's underside, confirming which is the front (or that you need to be really careful if you're potty training one).

(Hey, this halfling has said nothing about your hat. other than it glows.)

"We were, but we just found some dead guys so now we are heading back to town. You don't happen to know anywhere with some spare limbs do you? We have a few missing ones in the group"