Ja'korvus the Dhakaani artificer: "You have defiled the sanctity of my ruined heritage within this city enough. Your life is mine, for the honor of Dhakaan!"
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Formerly Devan Avalon.
Trying to get your physical content on Beyond is like going to Microsoft and saying "I have a physical Playstation disk, give me a digital Xbox version!"
A few lines from my very young wood elf druid to a teacher of a Bard College whose wife is in the cult of our BBEG. (who is talking about how he doesn't mind all the bad stuff that's gonna happen if the Void Sisterhood wins)
---
Nishi finally had enough and turned back into his wood elf self. "What by the Great Oak is wrong with you?"
[...]
"I highly doubt that you know what they're planning. And if you do and still help them, then you're the most stupid person I ever met!"
[...]
"How can you talk so calmly about something this terrible? Did a troll shit on your emotions, or are you just this horrible?" Nish exclaimed disgusted. "You talk about this, like it's just another history lesson."
[...]
"I don't know what kind of future you see for your daughter, if the world is being eaten by a gigantic tentacle monster made from negative thoughts, but whatever." Nishi replies and sticks his tongue out.
My Tiefling Warlock Seere, in response to yet another superstitious Barovian whinging about “the Devil Strahd”
“You’re right, the Devil has come to Barovia” (uses Thaumaturgy cantrip to make his eyes smolder and his voice appropriately fiendish) “I AM THE DEVIL”
Our warlock (female half elf) uses her dead husband's mummified head as her focus. And she occasionally has arguments with it. Our rogue (also female half elf) and close personal friend of the warlock, once interjected a hearty, "Alas poor Yorick, I f**ked your wife!"
"****er sent me to the void and pulled me back just before i made a pact with the leech pillar"
"so basically its a long shovel" (about a massive greatsword)
"i give squiggly the shotgun"
people portal in from somewhere else them-"wrong dimension" me-"do you have drugs" them- pulls gun"drugs bad" me "can i have the gun then?"
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This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
Party attempting to close a portal to the abyss while avoiding being slaughtered by a Zuggtmoy. Who's toying with the party and has the kobold wizard in her grasp.
The kobold wizard/chef and a secret warlock with severe PTSD and several forms of madness prone to breaks in reality and visions from the past and future(who unknown to the others has Graazzt living in his head) suddenly cast misty step escaping her grasp, now appears clutching the portal stone surface as it begins to smolder and pulse.
Tielfing Paladin of Treachery: "Squint I really hope you know what you're doing!"
Squint the mad Kobold: "No more or less than usual!"
Not so much "bad ass" as bloody funny. For some context; our DM is running the same players with two separate parties in the same world, one good, one evil. The two groups haven't crossed paths (yet), but we have heard about the shenanigans that our respective other selves have gotten up to.
Evil party - Raids a Wizard's tower, during which our Orcish war cleric (the tank/heavy of the group) literally bodily tossed one of the wizards out a 7th story window to predictable results; apparently he hadn't predicted he'd need feather-fall that day.
Good party - An NPC informs us of a mysterious raid on said Wizard's tower, and off-handedly mentions that one of the wizards was killed by being chucked out of a window.
"What kind of b***ard would do such a thing?" - Said the player who literally did it, somehow maintaining perfectly deadpan delivery, where-upon we all bust out laughing and had to pause for a minute.
Not really a quote, but in my Icewind Dale game the tabaxi rogue, White Snake had killed 3 duergar in a single round, I decided to let him roll intimidation on the other duergar. I asked him how he intimates them, and he said "remember that time in Jojo when Polnareff broke the laws of physics in his pose? Yeah I do that" he got an 18 and paralyzed the duergar with fear by posing really hard
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my name is not Bryce
Actor
Certified Dark Sun enjoyer
usually on forum games and not contributing to conversations ¯\_ (ツ)_/
For every user who writes 5 paragraph essays as each of their posts: Remember to touch grass occasionally
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share the best one-liners and mic drops from your campaigns
Barbarian: If you kill a hive mind, is that murder or genocide?
Necromancer NPC: It's a mercy.
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
half part funny and badass
druid:what if we gave the king (insert deadly magic deisese here) to kill him
my pc who is a doctor:i do not like that idea at all that seems like a really bad idea
bard:i do not care im gonna feed them my liver to kill them with biology
paladin: im pretty sure that would break the (our setting alternative to the geneva convetion)
Check out my homebrew subclasses spells magic items feats monsters races
i am a sauce priest
help create a world here
Ja'korvus the Dhakaani artificer: "You have defiled the sanctity of my ruined heritage within this city enough. Your life is mine, for the honor of Dhakaan!"
Formerly Devan Avalon.
Trying to get your physical content on Beyond is like going to Microsoft and saying "I have a physical Playstation disk, give me a digital Xbox version!"
A few lines from my very young wood elf druid to a teacher of a Bard College whose wife is in the cult of our BBEG. (who is talking about how he doesn't mind all the bad stuff that's gonna happen if the Void Sisterhood wins)
---
Nishi finally had enough and turned back into his wood elf self. "What by the Great Oak is wrong with you?"
[...]
"I highly doubt that you know what they're planning. And if you do and still help them, then you're the most stupid person I ever met!"
[...]
"How can you talk so calmly about something this terrible? Did a troll shit on your emotions, or are you just this horrible?" Nish exclaimed disgusted. "You talk about this, like it's just another history lesson."
[...]
"I don't know what kind of future you see for your daughter, if the world is being eaten by a gigantic tentacle monster made from negative thoughts, but whatever." Nishi replies and sticks his tongue out.
My Tiefling Warlock Seere, in response to yet another superstitious Barovian whinging about “the Devil Strahd”
“You’re right, the Devil has come to Barovia” (uses Thaumaturgy cantrip to make his eyes smolder and his voice appropriately fiendish) “I AM THE DEVIL”
My halfling fighter, as Auril appears on the battlefield right next to her in Rime of the Frostmaiden:
"You are the dumbest god I ever met."
I got the kill shot a few rounds later.
Our warlock (female half elf) uses her dead husband's mummified head as her focus. And she occasionally has arguments with it. Our rogue (also female half elf) and close personal friend of the warlock, once interjected a hearty, "Alas poor Yorick, I f**ked your wife!"
Anzio Faro. Protector Aasimar light cleric. Lvl 18.
Viktor Gavriil. White dragonborn grave cleric. Lvl 20.
Ikram Sahir ibn-Malik al-Sayyid Ra'ad. Brass dragonborn draconic sorcerer Lvl 9. Fire elemental devil.
Wrangler of cats.
this is from oblivion for anyone in the campaign
"****er sent me to the void and pulled me back just before i made a pact with the leech pillar"
"so basically its a long shovel" (about a massive greatsword)
"i give squiggly the shotgun"
people portal in from somewhere else them-"wrong dimension" me-"do you have drugs" them- pulls gun"drugs bad" me "can i have the gun then?"
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
“I do not have to break my chains…I merely have to break YOU.”
(right before my enslaved elf paladin killed her master)
My DM at the time created a very well-done session involving flashbacks to each player’s backstories.
“I am Ogden, chosen by the Lady of the Lake, to wield Aerondight, the Sword of Kings…not because I have noble blood, or prophecy…but as a cruel joke.”
”An orc, wielding a legendary sword? She found it funny…but she was sick of kings. Unfaithful, vainglorious, tragic kings.”
”And so it fell to me…but I am no king.”
(summons great sword)
”I have EARNED it.”
(cue some bad rolls & critical misses…but by the gods, did that character look majestic while they got their butt kicked)
Holding a mountain-sized dragon to the ground with an electrified scythe in the jaw:
Fighter/Sorcerer: "I'M GONNA COOK YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT!"
Blasts firebolt up dragons nose
PCs to the DM: Hey lets Split the party!
I didn’t see what you did there.
my entire party was struggling with a door with no handle. spent 30 irl minuets trying to figure it out before my kender walked up and said this
"did you try pushing?"
that was the secret. nobody but the one who is a man child thought to push the door
Our cleric was rolling death saves when the teifling ranger came up to caste cure wounds on him.
"Your gods busy, can I help?"
(Enemy lands a critical hit on Bard-Warlock)
Enemy: “Pathetic…this is who you send to defend your lives!?”
Bard / Warlock: “Well…at least I’m not on fire.”
Enemy: “…what?”
(Bard-Warlock casts “Hellish Rebuke”)
(Enemy lands a critical hit on Bard-Warlock)
Enemy: “Pathetic…this is who you send to defend your lives!?”
Bard / Warlock: “Well…at least I’m not on fire.”
Enemy: “…what?”
(Bard-Warlock casts “Hellish Rebuke”)
Zhix, I told you NOT to kill him
Party attempting to close a portal to the abyss while avoiding being slaughtered by a Zuggtmoy. Who's toying with the party and has the kobold wizard in her grasp.
The kobold wizard/chef and a secret warlock with severe PTSD and several forms of madness prone to breaks in reality and visions from the past and future(who unknown to the others has Graazzt living in his head) suddenly cast misty step escaping her grasp, now appears clutching the portal stone surface as it begins to smolder and pulse.
Tielfing Paladin of Treachery: "Squint I really hope you know what you're doing!"
Squint the mad Kobold: "No more or less than usual!"
Not so much "bad ass" as bloody funny. For some context; our DM is running the same players with two separate parties in the same world, one good, one evil. The two groups haven't crossed paths (yet), but we have heard about the shenanigans that our respective other selves have gotten up to.
Evil party - Raids a Wizard's tower, during which our Orcish war cleric (the tank/heavy of the group) literally bodily tossed one of the wizards out a 7th story window to predictable results; apparently he hadn't predicted he'd need feather-fall that day.
Good party - An NPC informs us of a mysterious raid on said Wizard's tower, and off-handedly mentions that one of the wizards was killed by being chucked out of a window.
"What kind of b***ard would do such a thing?" - Said the player who literally did it, somehow maintaining perfectly deadpan delivery, where-upon we all bust out laughing and had to pause for a minute.
Not really a quote, but in my Icewind Dale game the tabaxi rogue, White Snake had killed 3 duergar in a single round, I decided to let him roll intimidation on the other duergar. I asked him how he intimates them, and he said "remember that time in Jojo when Polnareff broke the laws of physics in his pose? Yeah I do that" he got an 18 and paralyzed the duergar with fear by posing really hard
my name is not Bryce
Actor
Certified Dark Sun enjoyer
usually on forum games and not contributing to conversations ¯\_ (ツ)_/
For every user who writes 5 paragraph essays as each of their posts: Remember to touch grass occasionally