Stupid Character Ideas

A blank character: like your average protaginist, they have no out standing personality and they can't speak. they just are there.

or you can do a see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil, just because it would be kinda fun to have one blind, one deaf, and one mute.

I was making a Paladin the other day and for ability scores I rolled a 14, 15, 3, 16, 17, and 16. I put the 3 into Intelligence and decide he would have a “miniature giant hyper-intelligent telepathic furred snake” (smart weasel) as a familiar who would make his decisions for him. Their names are Flint and Steel.

Flint: “Should I smite him?”

Steel: “NO! That’s the shopkeeper!”

Flint: “But he’s injured! I could use my Cure Wounds Fist Smite!”

Steel: *sigh*

Quote from SturgeonMan >>

I was making a Paladin the other day and for ability scores I rolled a 14, 15, 3, 16, 17, and 16. I put the 3 into Intelligence and decide he would have a “miniature giant hyper-intelligent telepathic furred snake” (smart weasel) as a familiar who would make his decisions for him. Their names are Flint and Steel.

Flint: “Should I smite him?”

Steel: “NO! That’s the shopkeeper!”

Flint: “But he’s injured! I could use my Cure Wounds Fist Smite!”

Steel: *sigh*

 The game I played in had a Paladin NPC back in 2nd Edition named Sir George of Steel.  

Yes, based on the professional wrestler.  He would point at whatever his detect evil pinged, point and yell "YOU!  NOT NICE!" and then proceed to whack at them with his maul.  He also rode a talking Griffon (named Merv for maximum groan potential) who was the obvious smart one of the pair.  Remember, despite needing a pile of high stats to play a paladin in those days, not one of the requirements was Int.

Actually, stupid, Dad joke NPCs were in most of the campaigns I played in.

The Church of Selune used 3 Bullywugs as messengers, named Bud, Wise, and Err.

 OK, at the current moment, I am playing a paladin with the soldier background. However, the soldier background made me include traits to make my character like real soldiers. For example, she gets exceptionally nervous by being late (when taking a contract, she forced her party to show up an hour early), she used to have a drinking problem, she curses a LOT, has a dark sense of humor, and she has random flashbacks to her days as a soldiers, some funny/more peaceful, some more violent.

 Oh yes, she has a type for dwarves, so she casually picked up dwarvish within the span of like 2 months JUST to hit on those hairy dwarven men of pure seduction. Nothing says hot like a hairy half-pint that has a penchant for liquor. Don't ask questions.

 She works with a rogue that has brain damage. She keeps the rogue in control, randomly curses him out using slurs for tieflings (as the rogue is a tiefling - she isn't racist, but the jokes are WILD), and insults him regularly. However, she's probably the only person that cares about him (for whatever reason). 

 While she's an elf, she's an absolute BEEFCAKE. My point being that she's like 192 pounds (with low body fat)... WITHOUT armor...

 Because of the 70 pound weight difference between her and her tiefling friend, she calls him a "delicate, dainty-*ss, hell-spawn." Of course, they're best friends, so they both know it's just jokes, but the party deeply questions me, and my friend (who role-plays the tiefling). 

 The rogue is pure chaos. He shoved our party's wizard, and he went flying quite literally 30 feet (with a nat-20). But his chaos is managed with coffee-fueled spite for the government (my paladin), a deep sense of care, and surprisingly deep patience.

 This woman would dive head-first into a fire to save people, but while dragging out the victims, she'd be cursing them out, warning them to not cause fires while calling them "useless sacks of charred flour."

 In short, it's a fun time playing my elven paladin.

Quote from THE_BARD_OF_THE_FEW >>

A blank character: like your average protaginist, they have no out standing personality and they can't speak. they just are there.

or you can do a see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil, just because it would be kinda fun to have one blind, one deaf, and one mute.

 Are you making a reference to dumb dumbs and dragons with the see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil?

2 words:

Gnome

Barbarian

Alternatively:

Goliath

Rogue

Quote from 6thLyranGuard >>

Reminds me of the Spellsinger series of fantasy novels.  The third book featured a pirate parrot antagonist, while the sixth had his brother, who was a pirate parrot accountant.

 
I came up with a Ren Faire back-story where I was a former accountant for a pirate crew, until there was a little dispute over a rounding error. Then I went to France and became a dealer in Marine Risks - early shipping insurance - which I was trying to introduce in London (which was happening during the Elizabeathen era), so now I insured ships against losses from piracy.

An accountant was a thing on golden- age pirate ships. Pirates were fairly democratic in structure and fair distribution of spoils, after allowances for provisions and supplies for the ships surgeon and carpenter, was a big thing. Since the goods pirates plundered were often actual goods (silk, molasses, rum, etc, not just chests of gold) someone had to know where to sell the goods and calculate the appropriate distribution, so someone was responsible for doing the math.

The character in the novel I mentioned points that out.

abyssal teifling whose scared of the dark and sleeps with a nightlight (their night-sight is rendered useless because they do not care they want BRIGHT LIGHT N COLOUR)

The fallen god of herbal tea, because of a curse, any water that starts boiling within 30ft of him immediately evaporates into a foul smelling steam.

Hold up Jorge, weren't you part of the I CAST... Game forum?

A beholder who's eyes have gotten gouged out.

I got one I might play for reals: A rogue (no particular subclass) or Lore Bard who has every skill proficiency by Level 4. That is not the stupid part…

…This is the stupid part: His name is *literally* Nothing Special. When opportune moments arise, he may talk about his parents Nobody Special (a former mafia don and assassin) and No-one Inparticular (a relentless police informant), his brothers Someone and Somebody, his sisters Not and Anyone, his aunt and uncle Everybody and Everyone Else, his cousins Something, Anybody, and Anything Else, his seedy merchant connection Tomorrow I’lltellyou, the family dentist Today Youlemeetim, and Dr. No Doctor, a potential rival named He, and tentatively another merchant or criminal connection named Yu Wont Likeit

Party of Bard X/ Fighter(champion) 3s who sing we are the champions after every battle

Quote from Whiskers_Fluffytail >>

Jack of all trades, master of DUCT TAPE

 In the old Dragon magazine, there was a cartoon cleric who patched characters up with......Magic Duct Tape!

-an artificer who doesn’t believe in magic and a wizard who doesn’t believe I. Machines so they argue all the time

- a philosopher Paladin who is sub class vengeance who always says if enemy hurt me they are evil but to enemy I hurt them. I am evil so he just stopped fighting

A Lesser Old One.

Quote from Necrift_Ikinlaw >>

A Lesser Old One.

 That's what I already am!