I had cause to revisit my scattered Wastes, and thought I would share here.  Some might get the jokes and even identify the sources. Presented for fun.

The Wastes

This is somewhat like the opposite of a biome, an anti-biome, a place where there is no life; not flora, not fauna, not a spore nor speck of possibility. Not even the monstrous nightmares or the great warmachines dare tread here.

The Western Waste

It is, as it is named, a wasteland. Utterly barren, even the topsoil gone. It is said that when those who hold spells pass through such an area, they lose the spells – because they have been deprived of all that makes them magical. Even the great artifacts do not work here. At least one of these great wastes was created by mortal deed, and the name of that person has been struck from all record and note. There are vast and peculiar obelisks here, averaging about five wide and between 8 and 16 feet high, about a foot thick. They seem impervious to tools and have the peculiar ability to vanish and reappear elsewhere. They are haunted, many say, and many claim they whisper “water sleeps”.

Northern Waste

It is said that trees of ice, shrubs of snow and a thousand sparkling sculptures occupy this place, where the north wind meets the sea, with a river that flows, full of memory, where all that was lost might one day be found. There are vast and peculiar obelisks here, averaging about five wide and between 8 and 16 feet high, about a foot thick. They seem impervious to tools and have the peculiar ability to vanish and reappear elsewhere, and they float across the waves, prone, their sea sides beneath the ice covered in thick barnacles, their surface sides reflecting strange patterns and markings. They are haunted, many say, and all that they whisper is “water remembers”.

Southern Waste

A wizard built a tower here once. A grand blue one, ten stories high, legend saying each story was of greater size within than without.

Later, he engaged in bargains and trade, dealings and demands with Imps and Thyrs and Gremlins as he sought ways by which he could make his magic have mastery over all others.

During those years he forged and created many mighty things including 20 rings that he is said to have gifted mighty families, save one that he kept for himself. His deceptions and perfidy exposed, he wasn’t able to make magic great again, and in defending himself from vengeance, he created the waste where the Tower of Ism still stands.

The tower is surrounded by a field of these same Obelisks, most standing, some lain across others in a ring, and these stones are said to whisper “water’s wet”.

Sea Waste

This is a peculiar patch of sea near Keris and Bermuda, where it is said a Merrow mage once tried to slay the world. Whirlpools and spouts have been known to appear out nothing without warning, and sailors tell of unseen shifting sand bars. There are vast and peculiar obelisks here, averaging about five wide and between 8 and 16 feet high, about a foot thick. They seem impervious to tools and have the peculiar ability to vanish and reappear elsewhere, and they float across the waves, prone, their sea sides  covered in thick barnacles, their surface sides reflecting strange patterns and markings, and many say they can hear them whispering “water lives”.

You say in these wastes “there is no life; not flora, not fauna, not a spore nor speck of possibility,” yet in both the Northern and Sea Wastes you mentioned barnacles. Barnacles are animals (fauna).

eh. Poetic license is my excuse and I am sticking to it. ;)

That was added in during the update because I wanted to add color.  They are dead barnacles.  Just the husks and shells. yeah, that's it.

Still, i mean, I got to add in Frozen (2) and Glen Cook's Black Company nods.  Plus a Last Boy Scout reference.

Absolutely, dead barnacles. I can roll with that.

I’m a little surprised I missed the Last Boy Scout reference, I just watched that movie again a couple of months ago. Heck, remember the beginning of the movie when the guy pulled out the gun and shot people until he scored a touchdown? I dressed as one of his victims one year for Halloween when I was a kid, bullet hole decals on a real helmet and everything.

I watch it about once a year, simply because somehow Tony Scott took a film with some of the weakest writing in years and turned in a masterpiece of machismo, lol

The little girl also provided the voice for I think it was Kim Possible for a while.  It has one of the best Laconic bad guy performances.

Also, crush worthy but barely there Halle...

Lol