Quote from BlackBear_ >>

Quote from SirTawmis >>

During December games - I have "Santa Claus" appear - he's a angelic being named "Nikalos."

And he often has quests for the party...

• Find his Bag of Holding (which is full of "Gifts of Giving")
• Find his reindeer's Rudy Gem of Light and Levitation
• Restore the goodness in a man who has lost sight of the day of Gifts of Giving
• Locate the town's decorated Treant who has gone off on its own
• Stop a White Dragon who has corrupted the children's "Snowmen"

And at the end he either gives "Nikalos Inspiration" which never expires until used (normal Inspiration goes away once the party rests, in my game).

And he once gave out unique Nikalos gifts - each with 12 charges (that do not recharge) to symbolize the 12 days of Christmas.

 

 Epic! Love the first one.

 I like the first one, but love the fourth one especially.

Was bored this Christmas Eve and did the prelude chapter of Dragonlance Dragons of Autumn Twilight if you're bored enough to check it out as an audible thing. Considering doing the rest of the book (thankfully, chapters tend to be short, so it makes doing each chapter pretty easy).

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas everybody!

Merry Christmas! :)

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, ya filthy goblins!

Merry Christmas!

Quote from Gnomarchy >>

Merry Christmas, ya filthy goblins!

 
I am quite sure that I am not a Goblin -- it says Wood Elf, I even double checked, and I am certainly not going to be filthy.

However, a pleasant and fortuitous celebration to all does appear to be in order, and thus, I will so will it.

I’ll accept “filthy goblin”. While it’s not technically accurate to my species, it’s certainly close enough. Happy Holidays!

Quote from AEDorsay >>

Quote from Gnomarchy >>

Merry Christmas, ya filthy goblins!

 
I am quite sure that I am not a Goblin -- it says Wood Elf, I even double checked, and I am certainly not going to be filthy.

However, a pleasant and fortuitous celebration to all does appear to be in order, and thus, I will so will it.

 Oh, hey! I wanted to say that I got both of the Heroes' Feast books this Christmas, and I wanted to ask what you think I should prepare first since you're the resident cooking expert. I've read your posts, and you seem to be really knowledgeable and passionate about the subject and the books themselves.

I love cooking, but I've found that I'm more of an eating expert, unfortunately.

Quote from Gnomarchy >>

Merry Christmas, ya filthy goblins!

The filthy part makes sense but I'm not much of a goblin IRL.

Quote from Gnomarchy >>

Merry Christmas, ya filthy goblins!

 Thanks! I’ll take it lol.

Quote from Gnomarchy >>

Merry Christmas, ya filthy goblins!

Just FYI this is a reference to Home Alone 2. I think you all are very hygienic goblins!

Quote from Baalzeboop >>

Quote from AEDorsay >>

Quote from Gnomarchy >>

Merry Christmas, ya filthy goblins!

 
I am quite sure that I am not a Goblin -- it says Wood Elf, I even double checked, and I am certainly not going to be filthy.

However, a pleasant and fortuitous celebration to all does appear to be in order, and thus, I will so will it.

 Oh, hey! I wanted to say that I got both of the Heroes' Feast books this Christmas, and I wanted to ask what you think I should prepare first since you're the resident cooking expert. I've read your posts, and you seem to be really knowledgeable and passionate about the subject and the books themselves.

I love cooking, but I've found that I'm more of an eating expert, unfortunately.

Hmm. 

For simple but filling and fairly fast, Tavern Noodles from Flavors is good -- you can sub the eggs for any kind of veggie or meat.

I just made the Beluir Salmon from Flavors a couple nights ago, and it was pretty snacky but took a bit more prep time. Still, I did have folks drooling in the zoom, lol.

The Hommlet Turkey from Feast is pretty filling (basically an open faced turkey sammich)

Now, if you are talking something that has more heft, is a bit more traditional, well, the Hand Pies from Feast would be it.

If you can get some "chopped" beef, or beef in small slivers or bits, use that instead of hamburger and adjust cooking accordingly for a richer bit.

And if you want flaky instead of crusty for them, well, then be very careful but use phyllo dough instead of pie crust dough. Phyllo is super yummy, but is also very thin and less durable, so you have to handle it more delicately than pie crust dough. Do not use the "flaky biscuits" dough.

You could also use that "pizza dough" in a tube if you want a more strong crust than the pie dough.

Quote from AEDorsay >>

Quote from Baalzeboop >>

Quote from AEDorsay >>

Quote from Gnomarchy >>

Merry Christmas, ya filthy goblins!

 
I am quite sure that I am not a Goblin -- it says Wood Elf, I even double checked, and I am certainly not going to be filthy.

However, a pleasant and fortuitous celebration to all does appear to be in order, and thus, I will so will it.

 Oh, hey! I wanted to say that I got both of the Heroes' Feast books this Christmas, and I wanted to ask what you think I should prepare first since you're the resident cooking expert. I've read your posts, and you seem to be really knowledgeable and passionate about the subject and the books themselves.

I love cooking, but I've found that I'm more of an eating expert, unfortunately.

Hmm. 

For simple but filling and fairly fast, Tavern Noodles from Flavors is good -- you can sub the eggs for any kind of veggie or meat.

I just made the Beluir Salmon from Flavors a couple nights ago, and it was pretty snacky but took a bit more prep time. Still, I did have folks drooling in the zoom, lol.

The Hommlet Turkey from Feast is pretty filling (basically an open faced turkey sammich)

Now, if you are talking something that has more heft, is a bit more traditional, well, the Hand Pies from Feast would be it.

If you can get some "chopped" beef, or beef in small slivers or bits, use that instead of hamburger and adjust cooking accordingly for a richer bit.

And if you want flaky instead of crusty for them, well, then be very careful but use phyllo dough instead of pie crust dough. Phyllo is super yummy, but is also very thin and less durable, so you have to handle it more delicately than pie crust dough. Do not use the "flaky biscuits" dough.

You could also use that "pizza dough" in a tube if you want a more strong crust than the pie dough.

 Wow! Thank you for this!

I'm thinking of going with the noodles and then the hand pies. Not today though, as we have plenty of leftovers from our Christmas and Christmas Eve dinners, and I hate wasting food.

All right - here we go! Thumbs up the segments of the stories you enjoy! This was a fun "Merry Christmas" surprise to sit down and write (though, it's now officially 2am, so the day after Christmas)... probably gonna have to post segmented chapters because of forum limitations... would love to hear your thoughts... as always, this was written with comedy in mind (and hopefully that's very, very, very clear!) - so hopefully no one is offended with how their character in the story was handled...

The cast, per Formerly AllMightDMwhateverNowSpiderTrapper...

• AEDorsay: Wood Elf Transmutation Wizard. A former writer whose books were so popular that every time they went into a city they got mobbed, so they took up adventuring. they wear artfully torn robes that were mangled by the paparazzi.
• SirTawmis: Beasthide Shifter Battlemaster Fighter. a grizzled veteran of war with a love for colorful, illustrated stories.
• ChoirOfFire: Tiefling Eloquence Bard/Fiend Warlock. a former human acolyte of a sun god, who caught the attention of an archdevil who made a bargain with them to expose the church of its misdeeds. so they became a tiefling & burned the church to the ground.
• Fry_Doodles: Goblin Scribes Wizard. They use drawings to make magic, and could cast 9th level spells if they wanted, except for 1 thing. the more powerful the spell, the longer the drawing takes to make, and they are too impatient to finish a drawing and end up frying the doodles with fire bolt
• IAmSposta: A Minotaur genie warlock. a unicorn headed genie who is their own patron, who during a time of disaster and mayhem, took a group of refugees into their sanctuary where they were safe. Very bad at giving advice, never let them become a therapist.
• DrakenBrine: Dragonborn Fathomless warlock. a topaz dragonborn who fell in love with a corrupted kelpie (beautiful lady made of seaweed), so the kelpie granted them powers in exchange for serving their dark whims
• Gnomarchy: forest gnome assassin rogue. a revolutionary whose sentences are as short as their targets lives
• KayakingPoodle: Gnoll Ranger. they are a protector of boats who travels up and down the river, keeping the beasties away from the boats filled with shipments
• Quar1on: Aarakocra lunar sorcerer. Their three forms correspond with their three different spellcasting focuses: an origami duck (new moon), a pair of scissors (Crescent), & a moon rock (full).
• WoodsGirl0402: firbolg trickery cleric. They have a strange obsession with spiders, arachnophobes beware.
• Nothic2SeeHere2: not a character, but rather an NPC nothic that pops up from time to time and gives strangely good advice in the form of cracking dad jokes.
• Wsyperra: a willowisp (reskinned fairy with telekinetic feat) shepherd druid. they are friends with many small forest animals such as rabbits & rats
• The_summoning_dark: unknown race shadow sorcerer. a skeletally thin, tall figure whose features are hidden by a grinning white mask, they disappear sometimes and then return. It’s strange, but once they return, an NPC always get murdered, and the_summoning_dark knows exactly where to find the body
• BlackBear_: Koala-folk (reskinned small tabaxi) Beast Barbarian/Beastmaster Ranger. Their beast companion is a kangaroo which they paid a druid to awaken. the kangaroo does all the talking but the Koala does most of the fighting, tough the kangaroo helps during combat
• TheFriendlyArchey: fairy bard. Plays a viola and is just filled with joy at every possible event and outcome, even when someone dies. They are never invited to funerals.
• HelloIml: Goliath Thunder Bard. A strange looking creature who was one part of an ettin but the ettin was split and given 2 different bodies. Loves to violently strum their electric guitar during stealth missions. they have an amp strapped to their back

===

 She was elegant, beautiful, and well educated – which was normal for many of the Wood Elves, who took their education and understanding of the world serious. Gifted with time and a longer life, their minds were full of wisdom and intellect that the human mind rarely had time to grasp.

 The man sitting across from her, an old, grizzled, graybeard veteran of the Ordinance of Great Liberty war – he sat across from her, his armor, sword, and shield as beaten up and devoid of their original colors, much like his beard.

 “Will you not entertain us with one of your stories, Sir Tawmis?” AEDorsay, the wood elf, asked of the veteran human sitting across from. Her lips were formed into a mischievous grin. Sir Tawmis looked up and huffed aloud.

 “I am telling you, Wood Elf,” he muttered, “they’re not stories. They’re real accounts of what happened during the OGL War.”

 “Yes, of course,” her tone was like a mother comforting a young child. “Why not tell us the one about the man who lost his bag?”

 Sir Tawmis peered up. “You were there, AEDorsay – you know that was no normal man.”

 “But then,” AEDorsay smiled, “nor are you. You blood has ancient magic that flows through it. I’ve seen it. It allows you to channel and become bear-like. But you’re no Druid or Ranger.”

 “I am a Shifter,” Sir Tawmis growls. “Long ago, my grand grandfather was wounded badly during a battle. He stumbled, dying and collapsed in a cave. A woman in the cave, exiled from her village, tried to save him – but he was dying from his wounds. She knew of one way to save him – infect him with the same curse that had gotten her exiled – Lycanthropy. The change boosted his system and allowed his wounds to mend much quicker. But that also meant there was a chance; any children that descended from him would be born with the curse upon them.”

 “Yes,” she nodded again, her tone like a mother speaking to her child. “But go on, the story about the man who lost his bag. There were some of the people I hadn’t met before you and I met to track him down. I’d love to hear it again.”

 Sir Tawmis heaved a deep sigh. Is this what his life had become? He was once a great fighter in the Ordinance of Great Liberty war. “You know, we should just hire a bard to hear my story, so that they can expand on it and embellish it like they always tend to do.”

 “Well you met a bard on this mission, did you not?” AEDorsay asked, smiling. She knew the answer. But she loved his reaction.

 “A bard? How about two of them?” Sir Tawmis shook his head, as if trying to clear the memory from his skull.

 “Why not hire them?” she asked, chuckling to herself.

 “Hire them? Why they were the two most outlandish bards I’d ever seen!” Sir Tawmis puffed. “Complete opposites! One a tiny fairy and the other a towering goliath.”

 “So the man with the missing bag,” AEDorsay urged.

 “Fine…” Sir Tawmis sat back in his chair.

 Chapter One: The Devil Went Down To Joureja.

 Fleck of snow drifted from the heaven, descending in spiraling patterns, like fragile wizards who had cast feather falling from some high mountain top. Sir Tawmis plunged through the increasingly deeper snow when suddenly a man who wasn’t there before stood in front of him. The man, dressed in odd red and white attire, wearing what appeared to be a red wizard’s hat, with white fur trim at the base and a small, white ball of fur on the tip. Sir Tawmis looked up; the man was rather large for a wizard. “Pardon me, wizard.”

 “I need your help,” the ‘wizard’ said. Though he was asking for help, his voice was somehow still, oddly jolly in nature.

 “Sorry, wizard,” Sir Tawmis grunted, “just trying to find the tavern in this town before I freeze out here. I am actually here to meet a wizard friend of my own. A,” he looked the oddly dressed wizard up and down, “wood elf. I’ve got no time for helping magical wizards find their magical things.”

 “That’s just it,” the ‘wizard’ said. “I have indeed lost something rather magical. A bag.”

 “A bag?” Sir Tawmis looked up at the ‘wizard’ – then looked around. “If you’ve dropped a bag, you’re going to have to probably wait until the snow disappears.”

 “I didn’t drop it,” the ‘wizard’ replied. “I believe someone took it.”

 “I don’t know much about this town,” Sir Tawmis shrugged, “but there’s a good chance there’s a Thieves Guild just like there is in every town – no matter how big or small.”

 “If you won’t help me find it, will you just keep an eye out for it? It’s very unique,” the ‘wizard’ assured Sir Tawmis. “Green and Red colored. Hard to miss.”

 Sir Tawmis looked at the ‘wizard’ – who also was quite hard to miss, yet Sir Tawmis had nearly collided into the ‘wizard’ who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. “If I find this ‘bag’ of yours, wizard. How will I find you?”

 “Call out for ‘Nikalos’ and I will hear you,” the wizard assured him.

 “Deal, Nikalos,” Sir Tawmis said, but when he looked the wizard was nowhere to be found. How could a wizard dressed like that simply appear and disappear so quietly? Magic. Blasted magic. Sir Tawmis as a fighter was not one to understand the complexity of magic and so, in his heart and mind, he did not trust those who used it.

 “Welcome to the North Pole Inn and Tavern,” a human who later introduced himself as Enpesea, “finest tavern in all of Joureja.” Joureja was the name of this small town, and by the looks of it, this was the only Inn and Tavern in Joureja – thus making Enpesea’s statement correct.

 Just as Sir Tawmis entered, music played, as if the veteran fighter had some form of entrance music. The source of the music came from a Tiefling Bard standing center stage. They were introduced by Enpesea as “Choir of Fire” – a suitable name for a Tiefling Bard. Choir for the music, fire for their hellish origin.

 “And though, I once worshipped the sun god,
The burning sphere high in the sky
From the flames below, I was called
And I needed to know why.
A devil exposed the Church for its lies
All the angels were deception from the skies
And so with the devil’s sound
I did burn the Sun God’s church to the ground.”

 After their performance, Sir Tawmis approached Choir Of Fire. “So, an arch-devil called out to you?”

 Choir of Fire took a deep swig of their drink. “That’s the story. Wasn’t always like this.” They gestured to themselves. “A tiefling, I mean. Once I burned the church, I was reborn in flame and brimstone. Turns out, it was the arch-devil who planted those lies. Shocking, right? A devil lied. Apparently the Arch-Devil was envious of the sun god’s flame.” Choir of Fire laughed. “You know, it was the weirdest thing. As the church had been burning a very unusual wizard approached me. Said that the church had gifts for children in need. Talk about making me feel worse. Said my day of redemption would come one day. I don’t know what he meant. Certainly nothing’s happened and it’s been years.”

 “This wizard,” Sir Tawmis moaned, “was he wearing red and white? Kind of a girthy gentleman?”

 Choir of Fire laughed, “That’s accurate. Big, white, beard?” She saw Sir Tawmis’ expression. “I take it you know him too?”

 “Just met him outside about thirty minutes ago,” Sir Tawmis muttered. “He lost his bag. Some special red and green bag. Asked me to help find it. But then disappeared. Thinks someone took it.”

 “Perhaps this is my redemption arc,” Choice of Fire laughed. “Mind if I go with you searching for this mysterious bag?”

 Sir Tawmis nodded. “Sure. Would love the company. Good to know I am not crazy and the odd wizard was seen by someone else. That’s at least comforting.”

Chapter Two: Rock Band

 “Let me introduce you to the rest of the band,” Choir of Fire said.

 “Wait, it’s not just you?” Sir Tawmis asked.

 “Oh no,” Choir of Fire shook their head. “I am part of a band.” She gestured to a towering eight foot Goliath, that – until she introduced him – Sir Tawmis had thought he was some sort of statue decoration. His skin was grey in color, the tones and shadows, almost mimicking that of actual stone. “This is HelloIml,” Choir of Fire explained. “You’d think he’s of Stone Giant descent, but he’s not? He hardly speaks. HelloIml, want to tell the old man?”

 The large goliath’s voice rumbled like thunder high in the mountains, reverberating off walls of stone. “Name’s HelloIml. I used to be an Ettin.”

 “The two headed giant-things?” Sir Tawmis examined HelloIml closely – he bore no scar of a severed head.

 “Yes,” HelloIml replied. “However, my other half was violent and cruel, while, I myself simply wanted to play instruments and sing. A green hag by the name of Mealladh found us – and said she had no use for me – and somehow cast me out of the Ettin body so that I became my own being – as this Stone Goliath – while my … other half, remained an Ettin, but now consumed by his violent urges. The hag took him and disappeared.”

 “And this,” Choir of Fire again gestured towards HelloIml, “is The Friendly Archey.”

 Sir Tawmis stared at the goliath then back to Choir of Fire. Suddenly, flying out of the goliath’s grey hair was a small fairy. “Name’s the Friendly Archey,” the tiny fairy felt the need to reintroduce itself. “If you’re curious, ‘Mealladh’ is a fey word for ‘gritch’ or I think you mortals call it ‘grouch.’”

“They’re not really in the band,” Choir of Fire whispered gesturing towards the overly excited fairy, “They’re more like our promoter. Because shutting them up is nearly impossible and they insist on dramatic entrances and speaking to everyone. They keep calling us ‘mortal’ too.”

 “Huh,” Sir Tawmis thought. “I had a dream once where I knew a Satyr, who was also a bard, from the fey realm, that insisted on calling people not of the fey realm as ‘mortals.’” Sir Tawmis looked at HelloIml and saw what appeared to be a backpack made of a sturdy substance. “May I ask what that is?”

 “That?” the goliath smiled. “It’s an amplifier. It’s plugged into the Earth plane.”

 “You mean the Plane of Earth,” Sir Tawmis figured, which would make sense for the odd, looking ‘stone’ goliath.

 “No, the Earth plane,” the HelloIml explained. “Apparently there’s a plane out there called ‘Earth’ and this box that The Friendly Archey got me connects to that plane and draws elasticity from there.”

 “The word you’re looking for, big guy,” The Friendly Archey explained, “is electricity.”

 “Yes, that,” the stone goliath nodded. He then strummed his unusual instrument and a sound like no other poured out of the device on his back. “This is an elasticity guitar.”

 “Electric,” the tiny fairy sighed. “I’ve heard of a very powerful wizard in town,” the fairy added, “who may be able to aid us on our epic quest.”

 “This is hardly an epic quest,” Sir Tawmis muttered. “We’re just looking for a damn wizard’s magical red and green bag.”

 Chapter Three: Wizardry

 This ‘wizard’ the fairy knew – did not live in the small village. He lived just outside, along the farmland. However, this ‘wizard’ wasn’t a farmer. No. It was a goblin who lived – literally – in the hillside. In a hole in the ground there lived a goblin. It was a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it a was a goblin-hole, and that means filth.

 “Hey! Hey!” the overly excited goblin welcomed the new guests as they stepped into his hole. Each of them was greeted by the sound of their feet slushing through mud. “Who wants to do some roleplay, huh?”

 “We’re actually here seeking your help,” Sir Tawmis explained. “I,” he looked at the fairy positioned on HelloIml’s head, “understand that you’re a powerful wizard.”

 “Indeed! Indeed! Quite powerful! Very, very, powerful. The most powerful. But. Roleplay first?” the goblin asked again, pleading eyes gazing upward.

 “Maybe some other time, if you could help us locate a lost bag, that would be of tremendous help,” Choir of Fire cut in, seeing that Sir Tawmis was ready to walk out of the goblin’s abode.

 “Ah, fine, fine! But roleplay after I cast the spell?” the goblin then asked.

 “Perhaps,” Choir of Fire replied, entertaining the goblin with no intention of fulfilling the idea.

 “Excellent! Excellent!” The goblin known as Fry Doodles threw down several pieces of paper.

 “Your spell parchments are blank,” Sir Tawmis pointed out.

 “Blank until I begin drawing on them! Locate Object is a second level spell. This will take me a moment! Describe the item you need to find!” the goblin said.

 “Red and green bag,” Sir Tawmis answered plainly.

 “I must draw the bag on my parchments, envision it in my mind,” the goblin began. Sixteen minutes into it, the goblin was drawing red and green swirls all over his parchment.

 “How long is thing going to take?” Sir Tawmis asked.

 Suddenly Fry Doodles threw the papers into the air. “So impatient! I tried to be patient this time! I tried! But no! You! You did it this time!”

 As the papers swirled downward, he looked. “The answer is there!”

 “Where?” Sir Tawmis watched the papers flutter to the floor.

 “The way they swirled… like a maelstrom,” the goblin awed then looked at the two red circles overlaid in front of him – shaped like a heart. “You must go to… The Heart of the Maelstrom.”

 “The Heart of the Maelstrom,” Sir Tawmis sighed. “Our in the Black Lakes? That one?”

 “Yes,” the goblin nodded, confident he’d read the spell signs correctly.

 “Someone stole this wizard’s bag and went there,” Sir Tawmis persisted. “To one of the most dangerous areas in this world?” Sir Tawmis shook his head. “The goblin is daft. Let’s get out of here.”

 “Roleplay now?” Fry Doodles cried out as the door shut behind Sir Tawmis, Choir of Fire, The Friendly Archey and HelloIml.

Chapter Four: The Bull Headed Warlock

 “OK,” The Friendly Archey replied, “that didn’t go as well as we’d hoped. But there’s another magic user I have heard of that’s around here. And he lives back in the town.”

 “It better not be another goblin,” Sir Tawmis muttered.

 “No, this one lives on M-A-N-E street,” the fairy chuckled.

 “I think you mean M-A-I-N,” Sir Tawmis corrected.

 “No, I meant what I said, it’s Mane Street,” the fairy asserted.

 “Right, MAIN – as in M-A-I-N,” Sir Tawmis replied, more firmly. However, upon reaching the street sign, it did indeed read “Mane Street.”

 “Is everyone in this town an idiot?” Sir Tawmis questioned.

 “You’re in this town too,” the fairy giggled.

 Sir Tawmis turned to Choir of Fire, “I see why the fairy isn’t in the band.”

 After a loud knock at the door – the towering figure that swung open the door made it clear why it was perhaps called ‘Mane Street.’ An eight foot, towering Minotaur stood in the doorway, rippling muscles that moved like gentle waves, lapping in a lake. However, when he spoke, his voice was higher pitched than the fairy’s, “Hello, hello! Come in! Come in! So good to see you T-F-A!”

 “Come, come, sit down, sit down,” the massive minotaur with a voice that sounded like it was coming out of a bard’s flute gestured to large, colorful chairs. Immediately, all around, Sir Tawmis took notice to all the rainbows and unicorns. “Interesting paintings,” Sir Tawmis remarked, mostly beneath his breath.

 Apparently the minotaur had excellent hearing. “Oh, aren’t they? It’s true what they say, you know! The flatulence of a unicorn does indeed create rainbows! That’s why you can always find leprechauns at the end of these super, fabulous, magical rainbows! Because they fall off the unicorns they’re riding around in the fey realm. Has nothing to do with the legend of gold. Well,” the minotaur paused and giggled, “I suppose that’s not entirely true. The feces of unicorns come out looking like golden versions of horse manure! So I suppose there is some truth to the rumor about gold at the end of a rainbow if that unicorn also dookeied after it tooted.”

 “What… what am I even hearing right now,” Sir Tawmis shook his head, certain that he was rapidly losing his grip on reality. The towering, muscular minotaur that looked as if it could snap a tree in half effortlessly, seemed to be as deadly as a blade of grass.

 “So you might be wondering why me, this big, burly minotaur has all these cutesy unicorn and rainbow paintings,” the minotaur asked. “Well, I can tell you! My name is IAmSposta, and my people and I were whisked away by a unicorn headed genie, who said we were in great danger. So he made this magical rainbow that we all crossed into another plane and we watched as the Heart of the Maelstrom destroyed out home in the center of the Black Lakes.”

 The Heart of the Maelstrom.

 Sir Tawmis looked at the fairy, scolding. This was some odd plan to venture into the Heart of the Maelstrom. “Fairy if you have planned this,” Sir Tawmis warned.

 “I didn’t!” the fairy protested, raising its hands into the air.

 “Are you all planning on going to the Black Lakes? Into the Heart of the Maelstrom? If so, I’d love to go! I do love adventure,” the minotaur clapped his hands together, excitedly. Then suddenly he looked downcast. “But who will water my plants? Take care of my things?”

 “I will,” the fairy, The Friendly Archey volunteered. “We’re good friends. I can do it. Besides, venturing to the Heart of the Maelstrom is a horrible idea.”

 “Oh, goodie!” the minotaur quickly rushed back into his bedroom and was back out in a moment, wearing an outfit that was a collision of colors – representing all the colors of the rainbow.

 “So much for stealth,” Sir Tawmis muttered.

 Chapter Five: Human Clay

 “Speaking of stealth,” the newly joined minotaur said, closing his door behind him, once he was sure the fairy knew where everything was. “I happen to know someone really good at stealth.”

 “They’re not a goblin, right,” Sir Tawmis asked.

 “Goblin! Heavens, no! Those goblins live in filthy wet holes!” The minotaur shuddered at the thought of getting his colorful clothes dirty – how would they ever see the rainbow colors of his unicorn headed genie patron? “No! This is a forest gnome. He lives in the forest.”

 “I could have guessed the second part of that,” Sir Tawmis sighed. “Which forest? This world has many forests.”

 “Well, if we’re headed for the Heart of the Maelstrom, it’s along the way,” IAmSposta said, shining his horns and putting on small colorful caps on his horns. “He lives in Garden Gnome.”

 “The forest … this forest gnome lives in… is called… Garden Gnome?” Sir Tawmis heaved a deep sigh.

 “Yes,” the minotaur said, shocked that it seemed so odd. “It’s literally a large garden of the gods, full of forest gnomes. So it’s called Garden Gnome.”

 “Of course it is,” Sir Tawmis nodded.

 Choir of Fire chuckled. “It could be worse. We could have the goblin and the fairy with us.”

 “Don’t remind me,” Sir Tawmis sighed.

 The group had traveled for three hours and twenty eight minutes, when a large forest came into view. “Garden Gnome,” the minotaur said, making a wide gesture with his arms, as if announcing the opening to a play. The party reached the edge of the forest and saw all along the floor and trees were signs that read, “Gnome Sweet Gnome.”

 “See,” the minotaur gestured. “Kind gnomes.”

 “No,” Choir of Fire explained, before Sir Tawmis could. “That’s a human tradition of putting floor mats in front of doors that read, ‘Home Sweet Home.’”

 “Seems rather odd to make a home out of sugar,” the minotaur shrugged. “But I’ve heard stories about Wereboars who made houses out of straw, sticks and bricks, because a werewolf was chasing them.”

 Sir Tawmis opened his mouth to say something, and then thought better of it. “Can we just go find this gnome friend of yours?”

 “I’ve already found you,” Sir Tawmis looked down to see a gnome, lying on the floor, between his legs, his dagger positioned just under Sir Tawmis’ gentiles.

 “Well,” Sir Tawmis said, stepping away. “I got it hand it to you – you’re either very stealthy or we’re just so loud we didn’t hear you.”

 “A little of both,” the gnome laughed. “Name’s Gnomarchy. What’s the game?”

 “Apparently we are headed to the Heart of the Maelstrom,” Sir Tawmis shrugged. “We don’t know what to expect and could use someone who can stealth and pick locks.”

 “And pockets too,” the gnome laughed and tossed Sir Tawmis his gold pouch.

 “Perhaps,” Sir Tawmis replied, tying the pouch more securely.

 “Be glad that’s the only pouch I cut, eh?” the gnome laughed.

 Sir Tawmis looked at Choir of Fire who had to use all of their strength to stop from bursting out laughing.