My party was sailing in a boat on the coastline of a continent completely controlled by dragons and this conversation came up: Tabaxi Sorcerer "I want to try dragon eggs" Dragonborn Wizard "But were in the land of dragons, they would kill you" Drow Fighter "you should lay an egg!" Dragonborn "but I'm a male-" Drow "Then use magic to change gender and lay an egg!" Dragonborn "You disgust me"
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my name is not Bryce
Actor
Certified Dark Sun enjoyer
usually on forum games and not contributing to conversations ¯\_ (ツ)_/
For every user who writes 5 paragraph essays as each of their posts: Remember to touch grass occasionally
Thanks to a horrible inspection roll and a ridiculously good lockpick role, I managed to unlocked a puzzle door that i wasn't suppose to be able to open. As a result, the skeleton monster in the next room did not have enough time to assemble himself and was taken by surprise when the paladin came charging in, foaming at the mouth for justice and whatnot after Detect Evil and Good pinged the room. An ominous voice started threatening us- then became less ominous and more rude and desperate when the paladin started trashing things.
My character soon found a talking skull lying helplessly in the corner of the room and started talking to it, trying to get information.
Skeleton: "I don't want to talk to you! You snuck up on me while i was resting! Why should I tell you anything?"
Rogue: "Well, if you answer some of my questions I can try and convince the Paladin to stop breaking your bones. But you need to be helpful first. *lowers voice* i mean, between you and me he is preeetttyy biased."
*queue the entire party stopping to look behind them as the paladin give a battle cry , pulls out a hammer and goes completely ham on this guys ribcage in the background.*
Rogue-thief after she brings a person from 0 HP with bonus-action potion for the third time a day (in fake African accent): "Look at me. I'm the cleric now!" Later in the same session Fighter casts Revivify from a spellwrought tattoo on that rogue: "Who's cleric now?"
Did you know: The bone throne is a canon object in multiple published adventures. Unfortunately, the gems that once adorned it have been thoroughly looted by the many adventureers who have passed by it over the years. I am not making any of this up.
In older editions, Mechanus was a deity and Plane of existence of pure logic and near-ultimate awareness; unwavering in unknowable intricate logic it discerns from other Planes.
Avatar of Mechanus (DM): "You will not understand the Grand Purpose. We are allowed to state it is part of the Purpose that, if you five are here, you must die." Player 5: "Oh yeah? Well, you're a stinky poopoo face, but I love you anyway." DM: All the entryways into the chamber slam shut with what seems to be thick, sturdy metal plates. Player 3: "I don't think they liked that." Player 2: "They might have always wanted to be loved and wants us to stay... forever." Avatar of Mechanus: "We know you're trying to distract us with illogical concepts while you escape." Player 5: ****! We need a new DM! She knows us too well!
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
While trying to survive the onslaught, we figured out that four of us could get one of us out of the chamber so that person could try to find a way to open the entrances.
*player 1 is -whoomfed- through a tube in the floor* DM: All the devices immediate stop and leave through various apertures around the room. The Avatar quietly rolls back to its resting place. DM to Player 1: You are unceremoniously plopped outside one of the entrances. You see the metal plate blocking the chamber slide away. Player 5: "What's happening?" Player 3: "Maybe, we also triggered a reset button?" Player 2: "I KNOW! It said that five of us had to be here! Now, there's only four of us! We don't need to die now!" Player 1: I wouldn't be able to hear that. So, I start walking into the chamber saying, "Hey, guys! We fixed it!"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
We are captured by a evil king that the goal of the campaign was to kill.
Sorcerer says "they forgot to take my alchemists fire!" he said out loud in front of a guard. guard takes it and says, ha ha.I trip guard. Spills on his pants. Guard runs screaming through a room full of gunpowder and hay. King dies. Sorcerer Dies. Guard's Pants Dies. I survive at 2 hp
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
Saw that happen on a stream after one player rolled for no reason. Paraphrased: "What're you rolling for? I didn't ask for a roll." "I dunno. I got a 3. How does that help me?"
So another player rolled saying (without looking), "It's good," and the DM said, "You won! You won D&D!"
(To be faaaair, that first player thought a description of weird evidence was asking for a perception roll or something like that.)
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I just played my first session with a new group, already two sessions into a newly starting campaign, PC level 2. My character is a seventeen year old aasimar life domain cleric of Pelor, and the seed I formed her personality and backstory for was basically "cheerful and bubbly church girl." As a contrast to that, the premise for the campaign is the PCs are recruits in a long running war between their home nation and an enemy nation. My character, Sister Serena, enters having ran away from her temple to join the war effort against her elders' instructions because she wants to help out her people. She literally jumped on a boat headed out for the front and the soldiers basically said, "Yeah, sure, we're not going to turn you away." After a long journey she finally arrived at an outpost and was promptly knocked unconscious in an ambush, though the other PCs arrived in time to kill the attackers. Over the course of the session, Serena realizes that she might have gotten in a bit over her head but determinedly pushes forward alongside her new companions.
The party is sent to collect a cache of magic items from an underground storage location, warned that there are traps there but nobody still around knows their nature (things aren't going all that well in this area). We trigger a big animated armor thing and, while party mates slugged it out with that, Serena managed to figure out how to deactivate it (though it took several rounds of strength checks and eventually a nat 20 from advantage by the sorceror's aid action for the 135 pound sparkly-eyed teenager to stomp the pressure switches hard enough). Another party member then solves the puzzle to open a display case with several very shiny bits of presumably magical arms and armor as well as opening another hidden chamber. Serena suggests they should gather up the items before investigating further (in my defense, they did agree with me). Cue the DM informing us that the cavern is suddenly beginning to collapse as soon as we grab the things, so the new plan becomes snatch and run, and we escape but won't be going back in without "about a week" of work with pickaxes and shovels.
Sister Serena: I'm beginning to think my elders were right and I might have some impulse control issues.
One of the weapons a party mate grabbed has draconic writing on it, and Serena is the only one that knows the language. The etching appears to be a name.
Me (ooc): I relay that information.
DM: Do you say that out loud?
Me (ooc): Uh, crap! *facepalm* *groan* Yes! Now Serena most definitely has impulse control issues, so she totally says it.
Luckily the etching just kind of glowed for a second (hopefully that's all, this was right at the end of the session), but it was definitely fun roleplaying the DM's method for inserting my character then my own lapse of meta-caution together for what's now apparently the character's main shortcoming. I'm sure she'll manage just fine since teenagers are all invincible. If you disagree, then it's likely been a while since you've last spoken with a teenager.
I'm sure she'll manage just fine since teenagers are all invincible. If you disagree, then it's likely been a while since you've last spoken with a teenager.
As one, I still feel quite vincible, thank you very much.
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely. If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
My party was sailing in a boat on the coastline of a continent completely controlled by dragons and this conversation came up: Tabaxi Sorcerer "I want to try dragon eggs" Dragonborn Wizard "But were in the land of dragons, they would kill you" Drow Fighter "you should lay an egg!" Dragonborn "but I'm a male-" Drow "Then use magic to change gender and lay an egg!" Dragonborn "You disgust me"
my name is not Bryce
Actor
Certified Dark Sun enjoyer
usually on forum games and not contributing to conversations ¯\_ (ツ)_/
For every user who writes 5 paragraph essays as each of their posts: Remember to touch grass occasionally
"Yasuo's been driven mad by two different demon lords and no one has noticed. What does that say about Yasuo?"
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
Thanks to a horrible inspection roll and a ridiculously good lockpick role, I managed to unlocked a puzzle door that i wasn't suppose to be able to open. As a result, the skeleton monster in the next room did not have enough time to assemble himself and was taken by surprise when the paladin came charging in, foaming at the mouth for justice and whatnot after Detect Evil and Good pinged the room. An ominous voice started threatening us- then became less ominous and more rude and desperate when the paladin started trashing things.
My character soon found a talking skull lying helplessly in the corner of the room and started talking to it, trying to get information.
Skeleton: "I don't want to talk to you! You snuck up on me while i was resting! Why should I tell you anything?"
Rogue: "Well, if you answer some of my questions I can try and convince the Paladin to stop breaking your bones. But you need to be helpful first. *lowers voice* i mean, between you and me he is preeetttyy biased."
*queue the entire party stopping to look behind them as the paladin give a battle cry , pulls out a hammer and goes completely ham on this guys ribcage in the background.*
This hasn't happened yet in a campaign, but when I saw one of the organizations in VRGtR, this popped in my head:
"NOBODY EXPECTS THE ULMIST INQUISITION!!!!!""
Rogue-thief after she brings a person from 0 HP with bonus-action potion for the third time a day (in fake African accent): "Look at me. I'm the cleric now!"
Later in the same session Fighter casts Revivify from a spellwrought tattoo on that rogue: "Who's cleric now?"
I WANT TO BEAT THEM ALL UP AND THEN PEE ON THEIR FACES!!!!!!!!!
- Skull crusher a tiefling barbarian
oh right, there was also this:
"What if we kissed.... by the bone wall? :D *_* "
Sounds like a very.... interesting campaign! Haha!
Did you know: The bone throne is a canon object in multiple published adventures. Unfortunately, the gems that once adorned it have been thoroughly looted by the many adventureers who have passed by it over the years. I am not making any of this up.
Proud poster on the Create a World thread
"Brains are a construct of society used to instill self-doubt in the general populace. THEY SHOULD BE THROWN OUT THE WINDOW!"
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
A long time ago at a table far, far away...
In older editions, Mechanus was a deity and Plane of existence of pure logic and near-ultimate awareness; unwavering in unknowable intricate logic it discerns from other Planes.
Avatar of Mechanus (DM): "You will not understand the Grand Purpose. We are allowed to state it is part of the Purpose that, if you five are here, you must die."
Player 5: "Oh yeah? Well, you're a stinky poopoo face, but I love you anyway."
DM: All the entryways into the chamber slam shut with what seems to be thick, sturdy metal plates.
Player 3: "I don't think they liked that."
Player 2: "They might have always wanted to be loved and wants us to stay... forever."
Avatar of Mechanus: "We know you're trying to distract us with illogical concepts while you escape."
Player 5: ****! We need a new DM! She knows us too well!
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Part 2 of the above:
While trying to survive the onslaught, we figured out that four of us could get one of us out of the chamber so that person could try to find a way to open the entrances.
*player 1 is -whoomfed- through a tube in the floor*
DM: All the devices immediate stop and leave through various apertures around the room. The Avatar quietly rolls back to its resting place.
DM to Player 1: You are unceremoniously plopped outside one of the entrances. You see the metal plate blocking the chamber slide away.
Player 5: "What's happening?"
Player 3: "Maybe, we also triggered a reset button?"
Player 2: "I KNOW! It said that five of us had to be here! Now, there's only four of us! We don't need to die now!"
Player 1: I wouldn't be able to hear that. So, I start walking into the chamber saying, "Hey, guys! We fixed it!"
EDIT: It's better without what happens next.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Not really a quote more of a basically what happened.
The extremely attractive noble Assimar Paladin player: Will you guys please stop simping for me and focus!!
Old male human wizard: No.
Female changeling bard: he's so handsome
Me a young female goliath warlock: WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HEART?? WHY IS IT BEATING SO FAST WHEN I LOOK AT THIS MAN???
We are captured by a evil king that the goal of the campaign was to kill.
Sorcerer says "they forgot to take my alchemists fire!" he said out loud in front of a guard. guard takes it and says, ha ha.I trip guard. Spills on his pants. Guard runs screaming through a room full of gunpowder and hay. King dies. Sorcerer Dies. Guard's Pants Dies. I survive at 2 hp
Everything is true, but not all is canon.
Everything is canon, but not all is true.
YOU WON DND!
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
Saw that happen on a stream after one player rolled for no reason. Paraphrased: "What're you rolling for? I didn't ask for a roll." "I dunno. I got a 3. How does that help me?"
So another player rolled saying (without looking), "It's good," and the DM said, "You won! You won D&D!"
(To be faaaair, that first player thought a description of weird evidence was asking for a perception roll or something like that.)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
My friends love to say this to me(I play paladin): He’s a paladin in the streets and a helicopter in the sheets
insert original witty signature here:
But does he identify as a helicopter...
I just played my first session with a new group, already two sessions into a newly starting campaign, PC level 2. My character is a seventeen year old aasimar life domain cleric of Pelor, and the seed I formed her personality and backstory for was basically "cheerful and bubbly church girl." As a contrast to that, the premise for the campaign is the PCs are recruits in a long running war between their home nation and an enemy nation. My character, Sister Serena, enters having ran away from her temple to join the war effort against her elders' instructions because she wants to help out her people. She literally jumped on a boat headed out for the front and the soldiers basically said, "Yeah, sure, we're not going to turn you away." After a long journey she finally arrived at an outpost and was promptly knocked unconscious in an ambush, though the other PCs arrived in time to kill the attackers. Over the course of the session, Serena realizes that she might have gotten in a bit over her head but determinedly pushes forward alongside her new companions.
The party is sent to collect a cache of magic items from an underground storage location, warned that there are traps there but nobody still around knows their nature (things aren't going all that well in this area). We trigger a big animated armor thing and, while party mates slugged it out with that, Serena managed to figure out how to deactivate it (though it took several rounds of strength checks and eventually a nat 20 from advantage by the sorceror's aid action for the 135 pound sparkly-eyed teenager to stomp the pressure switches hard enough). Another party member then solves the puzzle to open a display case with several very shiny bits of presumably magical arms and armor as well as opening another hidden chamber. Serena suggests they should gather up the items before investigating further (in my defense, they did agree with me). Cue the DM informing us that the cavern is suddenly beginning to collapse as soon as we grab the things, so the new plan becomes snatch and run, and we escape but won't be going back in without "about a week" of work with pickaxes and shovels.
Sister Serena: I'm beginning to think my elders were right and I might have some impulse control issues.
One of the weapons a party mate grabbed has draconic writing on it, and Serena is the only one that knows the language. The etching appears to be a name.
Me (ooc): I relay that information.
DM: Do you say that out loud?
Me (ooc): Uh, crap! *facepalm* *groan* Yes! Now Serena most definitely has impulse control issues, so she totally says it.
Luckily the etching just kind of glowed for a second (hopefully that's all, this was right at the end of the session), but it was definitely fun roleplaying the DM's method for inserting my character then my own lapse of meta-caution together for what's now apparently the character's main shortcoming. I'm sure she'll manage just fine since teenagers are all invincible. If you disagree, then it's likely been a while since you've last spoken with a teenager.
As one, I still feel quite vincible, thank you very much.
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely.
If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Homebrew races: ~Otterfolk! Play as a otter!~ Playable Dryad! (Literally just the monster sheet ported to player race)
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