I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
(*while holding a miniature on the map and shaking it to imitate shouting*)
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Indeed. I make as many as I can with this bard, and because the player knows it, they come up way to often......
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she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
(some noble's kid joins our party, naive and wanting to be an ADVENTURER)
Noble: "So what is our party's name? The Dragonslayers? The Dungeon Delvers?"
Rogue: "(Deception) We're the Arsel*ckers."
Noble: "Uh...pardon?"
Rogue: "In this business, the most unusual name is a sign of respect...no one messes with the Arsel*ckers." (Deception)
Noble: "I...think I see. Yes...yes!"
Fighter: (whispers) "This is so wrong."
(later, when we go to meet a local crime boss, the Noble walks up to the bouncer)
Noble: "You, sir! I demand to speak with your boss!"
Bouncer: (squints at the foppish noble) "And just WHO are YOU?"
Noble: "Sir, I am an ARSEL*CKER, and your boss will want to speak to me!"
(the party groans and stares angrily at the Rogue, who's trying not to laugh)
DM: "The bouncer seems like a pretty stoic guy...he's used to dealing with "tough guys" and rowdy drunks...as this is first time anyone has said ANYTHING like that to him...he genuinely seems to not know what to do."
Bouncer: "Er...all of you?"
Noble: "We're all Arsel*ckers, yes; we work as a GROUP, you see?!"
(the Rogue is doubled-over laughing)
Noble: "We've heard your boss fancies the sort of services we provide."
Bouncer: "Just...leave your weapons at the door & go inside...to...do whatever you came to do."
(our party enters the tavern used as a criminal front)
Fighter: "I don't believe that worked."
DM: "That bouncer is now re-assessing EVERY meeting that's taken place with his boss since he started working there."
Rogue: "Ooh...I'm keeping this going as long as I can."
(some noble's kid joins our party, naive and wanting to be an ADVENTURER)
Noble: "So what is our party's name? The Dragonslayers? The Dungeon Delvers?"
Rogue: "(Deception) We're the Arsel*ckers."
Noble: "Uh...pardon?"
Rogue: "In this business, the most unusual name is a sign of respect...no one messes with the Arsel*ckers." (Deception)
Noble: "I...think I see. Yes...yes!"
Fighter: (whispers) "This is so wrong."
(later, when we go to meet a local crime boss, the Noble walks up to the bouncer)
Noble: "You, sir! I demand to speak with your boss!"
Bouncer: (squints at the foppish noble) "And just WHO are YOU?"
Noble: "Sir, I am an ARSEL*CKER, and your boss will want to speak to me!"
(the party groans and stares angrily at the Rogue, who's trying not to laugh)
DM: "The bouncer seems like a pretty stoic guy...he's used to dealing with "tough guys" and rowdy drunks...as this is first time anyone has said ANYTHING like that to him...he genuinely seems to not know what to do."
Bouncer: "Er...all of you?"
Noble: "We're all Arsel*ckers, yes; we work as a GROUP, you see?!"
(the Rogue is doubled-over laughing)
Noble: "We've heard your boss fancies the sort of services we provide."
Bouncer: "Just...leave your weapons at the door & go inside...to...do whatever you came to do."
(our party enters the tavern used as a criminal front)
Fighter: "I don't believe that worked."
DM: "That bouncer is now re-assessing EVERY meeting that's taken place with his boss since he started working there."
Rogue: "Ooh...I'm keeping this going as long as I can."
There were several last session when I DMed the for my brother in SLW, my brother and four DMPC companions, after saving wayside inn again left 5 to 6 holes in the place.
Martisha (the inn owner): you people sure did make a mess of the place. *she looks through the hole left by his dragon companion during the fight with a animated statue*
Alexander: Dont worry I'll contact my right hand man to get this repaired...
Martisha: how bad is it up there.
Alexander:.....
Martisha: how bad??
Alexander: there's probably 5 holes....
Matisha: You know... *she hands him 500 gold*
Alexander: What's this?
Martisha: oh nothing... let's just say it's an "Investment" *she gives Alexander an evil grin*
"In my defense, halflings and goblins are two completely different species, so, technically, it isn't cannibalism."
-Jasper Silvereyes, my (?? good) halfling monk , after his teammates watched in horror as he carved the meat off the goblins they got done fighting and proceeded to cook it.
Okay this was during the same session, but my brother's first combat encounter. He and the 4 DMPCs were fighting 3 Air Elemental Myrmidons, alongside a NPC. After taking care of two of them one was currently banished.
Alexander: Will the creature reappear in the place it was at before being banished?
Me: Yes.
Alexander: Everyone form a circle around the spot, and once we're in place Carric, release the spell.
all 6 proceed to form around where the A.E.M will appear. Carric releases the banishment spell, and I had my brother roll 6 d20s for everyone, and all nat20s.
Me: Insert Coffin Dance meme, because that's the end of that encounter.
Joshua's quote reminds me of something from ages ago:
Player 1: "You can't eat him! It's cannibalism!" Player 2: "I'm a different race. It doesn't count." Player 1: "You're both Humanoid. Humanoids eating Humanoids is cannibalism!" Player 3: "Humanoids eat other Humanoids all the time." Player 1: "Only barbarians eat other Humanoids. We're not barbarians." Player 4 (Barbarian): "I am." Player 1: "Sorry. That was a poor choice of words." Player 2 (being a bit meta): "Consider this multiclassing to Barbarian, then." I start eating the Half-Elf bandit.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
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Yep (though Nott’s pretty good too)
Please check out my homebrew and give me feedback!
Subclasses | Races | Spells | Magic Items | Monsters | Feats | Backgrounds
From my blind artificer: "I look through the slit in- oh **** I forgot I have no eyes"
"How in the world do backflips not do extra damage? Have you even read the handbook!"
"And that is why dwarves don't get shoes!"
Our orc paladin asked the drow rogue to pinch him to see if he's dreaming; the latter punched him instead, leading to this...
"Have you been working out?"
"Well, yeah... I've been carrying this whole team the last couple days."
ya but shes nott the best
"Ahh yes, i would like to purchase some of your finest sweet breads. What do you mean you only sell rye bread?"
Big dumb enemy: *smashes bard against the wall*
steriotypical seduce everything to solve our problems bard, jokingly: ~”harder daddy”~
big dumb enemy: *gasps* “son?”
the entire party: “uuuuum, no?”
she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
“Can I stab the racist?”
woot woot mcsnoot
"This is real life, not some fantasy!!"
(*while holding a miniature on the map and shaking it to imitate shouting*)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Hazbin Hotel reference?
I approve, in any case.
Indeed. I make as many as I can with this bard, and because the player knows it, they come up way to often......
she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
(some noble's kid joins our party, naive and wanting to be an ADVENTURER)
Noble: "So what is our party's name? The Dragonslayers? The Dungeon Delvers?"
Rogue: "(Deception) We're the Arsel*ckers."
Noble: "Uh...pardon?"
Rogue: "In this business, the most unusual name is a sign of respect...no one messes with the Arsel*ckers." (Deception)
Noble: "I...think I see. Yes...yes!"
Fighter: (whispers) "This is so wrong."
(later, when we go to meet a local crime boss, the Noble walks up to the bouncer)
Noble: "You, sir! I demand to speak with your boss!"
Bouncer: (squints at the foppish noble) "And just WHO are YOU?"
Noble: "Sir, I am an ARSEL*CKER, and your boss will want to speak to me!"
(the party groans and stares angrily at the Rogue, who's trying not to laugh)
DM: "The bouncer seems like a pretty stoic guy...he's used to dealing with "tough guys" and rowdy drunks...as this is first time anyone has said ANYTHING like that to him...he genuinely seems to not know what to do."
Bouncer: "Er...all of you?"
Noble: "We're all Arsel*ckers, yes; we work as a GROUP, you see?!"
(the Rogue is doubled-over laughing)
Noble: "We've heard your boss fancies the sort of services we provide."
Bouncer: "Just...leave your weapons at the door & go inside...to...do whatever you came to do."
(our party enters the tavern used as a criminal front)
Fighter: "I don't believe that worked."
DM: "That bouncer is now re-assessing EVERY meeting that's taken place with his boss since he started working there."
Rogue: "Ooh...I'm keeping this going as long as I can."
i dont blame the bouncer
whenever the heck they want that is what i as dm would say
There were several last session when I DMed the for my brother in SLW, my brother and four DMPC companions, after saving wayside inn again left 5 to 6 holes in the place.
Martisha (the inn owner): you people sure did make a mess of the place. *she looks through the hole left by his dragon companion during the fight with a animated statue*
Alexander: Dont worry I'll contact my right hand man to get this repaired...
Martisha: how bad is it up there.
Alexander:.....
Martisha: how bad??
Alexander: there's probably 5 holes....
Matisha: You know... *she hands him 500 gold*
Alexander: What's this?
Martisha: oh nothing... let's just say it's an "Investment" *she gives Alexander an evil grin*
I want to know the story behind this.
"In my defense, halflings and goblins are two completely different species, so, technically, it isn't cannibalism."
-Jasper Silvereyes, my (?? good) halfling monk , after his teammates watched in horror as he carved the meat off the goblins they got done fighting and proceeded to cook it.
Okay this was during the same session, but my brother's first combat encounter. He and the 4 DMPCs were fighting 3 Air Elemental Myrmidons, alongside a NPC. After taking care of two of them one was currently banished.
Alexander: Will the creature reappear in the place it was at before being banished?
Me: Yes.
Alexander: Everyone form a circle around the spot, and once we're in place Carric, release the spell.
all 6 proceed to form around where the A.E.M will appear. Carric releases the banishment spell, and I had my brother roll 6 d20s for everyone, and all nat20s.
Me: Insert Coffin Dance meme, because that's the end of that encounter.
Someone get the healer, because the paladin is going to need more than just lay on hands for that amount of damage XD
Joshua's quote reminds me of something from ages ago:
Player 1: "You can't eat him! It's cannibalism!"
Player 2: "I'm a different race. It doesn't count."
Player 1: "You're both Humanoid. Humanoids eating Humanoids is cannibalism!"
Player 3: "Humanoids eat other Humanoids all the time."
Player 1: "Only barbarians eat other Humanoids. We're not barbarians."
Player 4 (Barbarian): "I am."
Player 1: "Sorry. That was a poor choice of words."
Player 2 (being a bit meta): "Consider this multiclassing to Barbarian, then." I start eating the Half-Elf bandit.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.