Reflexive panic punching? I nearly bodyslammed a child working at a haunted house out of panic once and then I felt really bad
I once accidentally flinch-punched a 15 year old off his feet when he jumped out in a Halloween costume. Worst part is that as he cried and I couldn't stop laughing because he was trying to cover his face in 18 inch rubber claws.
We were fighting two tough enemies, and killed one, but the other had an AC of 18 but was down to 1 HP... for two whole rounds of combat. We kept rolling 14s and 15s against her.
DM: [Druid], it is your turn. Hit her, please.
Druid: {Rolls and starts laughing hysterically.} 17
DM: You know what, screw it. As you make your attack, you feel a divine presence guiding your blade into her face, and you sense even the gods are saying, "Thank goodness that's over."
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=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“If it ain’t illegal; it’s not worth smuggling. Those are the facts.”
—
”How do you feel about assassination?”
”Hey, some people just need to die, right?”
—
“The Emerald Enclave?! Ha! They don’t even have toilet paper, mate! They eat bark & sh*t in the woods. Honestly.”
—
“The Zhentarim are bastards; but at least they’re honest about it! Which is more than I can say about anybody else in this city…and they look after their own! Anybody messes with their people; they step on their throats! In fact, the more I talk about them, the more I like them!”
“They work for a lunatic who wants to conquer the world!”
”Can you blame him!? The world’s a mess! Everybody had their chance, and what did they do with it!? I say let the amputee clone have a go at it.”
—
“This city is the absolute WORST. I mean, the local mafia is run by a BEHOLDER.”
”I repeat: there is a criminal organization running amok with impunity…taking orders from a floating sphere of eyeballs that shoots laser beams…and everyone just sort of accepts it!”
“And that’s just the tip of the arsepike…you’ve got miles and miles of tunnels right beneath our feet, filled to the brim with MONSTERS and TRAPS and sharp, pointy THINGS…and what does THIS guy do!?”
(jabs thumb at Durnan) “He builds a bar over it, and charges ADMISSION!”
”He LOWERS people into a murder-sandwich…and they PAY HIM FOR IT.”
(stamps foot on the ground) “…and the gods-damned FACELESS GOVERNMENT just lets it happen!”
(all of this delivered in an Irish accent made this session an absolute uproar)
Looking in the mirror of my mind Turning the pages of my life Walking the path so many paced a million times Drown out the voices in the air Leaving the ones that never cared Picking the pieces up and building to the sky
An angel appears before the party and talks to the party and thanks them for their service. Before he leaves, he has one more thing for the party.
Angel: Give me your hand.
Player1: [Paladin] gets ready to cut off his left hand.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Elli-- (NPC) *Lets her dog go in the university lunch hall. She then chases after it*
Luca-- (PC) *Helps chase the dog, until it ends up in the teachers lunch hall. He jumps for it, but misses and goes sliding all the way down the long table until he reaches the headmistress. He then proceeds to pick up a sandwich and say "here you go" and then hand it to her. the headmistress later turns out to be the BBEG*
Elli-- *Puts her hand over her mouth*
Luca-- *Thinks she's eaten the dog*
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Long live the dragon slayers, long live the spider guild, long live the forums.
I want you to know. You are going to lose. You are going to lose badly. You’re going to lose badly and it’s going to be awesome.
DM: You see a giant *ss (VERY NOTICABLE PAUSE) platform.
Me: WAIT A MINUTE HOLD ON ARE THOSE TWO SEPARATE THINGS?
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I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it. Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks. MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it. Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks. MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Fighter: "Gah! I think my leg is broken. Is there anyone who can heal me?"
Paladin-Monk: "Allow me. I'll use my Lay on Hands to heal your wounds. *cracks knuckles* HI-"
Fighter: "NOOOO-"
Heh...one of my Paladins flavored their "Lay on Hands" as a souped-up defibrillator...they'd rub their hands together until lightning crackled, and shouted "CLEAR" before..."healing"...their allies.
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I once accidentally flinch-punched a 15 year old off his feet when he jumped out in a Halloween costume. Worst part is that as he cried and I couldn't stop laughing because he was trying to cover his face in 18 inch rubber claws.
“This is a day that will live in infamy for them, but we will look back and lightly chuckle.”
We were fighting two tough enemies, and killed one, but the other had an AC of 18 but was down to 1 HP... for two whole rounds of combat. We kept rolling 14s and 15s against her.
DM: [Druid], it is your turn. Hit her, please.
Druid: {Rolls and starts laughing hysterically.} 17
DM: You know what, screw it. As you make your attack, you feel a divine presence guiding your blade into her face, and you sense even the gods are saying, "Thank goodness that's over."
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
This reminds me of something I saw:
"One day, you'll look back on all this and laugh."
"Will I be wearing a straightjacket in a padded cell?"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“If it ain’t illegal; it’s not worth smuggling. Those are the facts.”
—
”How do you feel about assassination?”
”Hey, some people just need to die, right?”
—
“The Emerald Enclave?! Ha! They don’t even have toilet paper, mate! They eat bark & sh*t in the woods. Honestly.”
—
“The Zhentarim are bastards; but at least they’re honest about it! Which is more than I can say about anybody else in this city…and they look after their own! Anybody messes with their people; they step on their throats! In fact, the more I talk about them, the more I like them!”
“They work for a lunatic who wants to conquer the world!”
”Can you blame him!? The world’s a mess! Everybody had their chance, and what did they do with it!? I say let the amputee clone have a go at it.”
—
“This city is the absolute WORST. I mean, the local mafia is run by a BEHOLDER.”
”I repeat: there is a criminal organization running amok with impunity…taking orders from a floating sphere of eyeballs that shoots laser beams…and everyone just sort of accepts it!”
“And that’s just the tip of the arsepike…you’ve got miles and miles of tunnels right beneath our feet, filled to the brim with MONSTERS and TRAPS and sharp, pointy THINGS…and what does THIS guy do!?”
(jabs thumb at Durnan) “He builds a bar over it, and charges ADMISSION!”
”He LOWERS people into a murder-sandwich…and they PAY HIM FOR IT.”
(stamps foot on the ground) “…and the gods-damned FACELESS GOVERNMENT just lets it happen!”
(all of this delivered in an Irish accent made this session an absolute uproar)
Party: "OH MY GOSH! It's two toed Tommy!"
DM: "No! That's not what I said, stop naming my characters before I can introduce them!"
: Systems Online : Nikoli_Goodfellow Homebrew : My WIP Homebrew Class :
(\_/)
( u u)
o/ \🥛🍪 Hey, take care of yourself alright?
"We can short-circuit the wind!"
they/her Always open to chat. Just send me a PM
Looking in the mirror of my mind
Turning the pages of my life
Walking the path so many paced a million times
Drown out the voices in the air
Leaving the ones that never cared
Picking the pieces up and building to the sky
An angel appears before the party and talks to the party and thanks them for their service. Before he leaves, he has one more thing for the party.
Angel: Give me your hand.
Player1: [Paladin] gets ready to cut off his left hand.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Paladin: (tying off the arm) "Do you need one of my swords? Or are you good...?"
Elli-- (NPC) *Lets her dog go in the university lunch hall. She then chases after it*
Luca-- (PC) *Helps chase the dog, until it ends up in the teachers lunch hall. He jumps for it, but misses and goes sliding all the way down the long table until he reaches the headmistress. He then proceeds to pick up a sandwich and say "here you go" and then hand it to her. the headmistress later turns out to be the BBEG*
Elli-- *Puts her hand over her mouth*
Luca-- *Thinks she's eaten the dog*
Long live the dragon slayers, long live the spider guild, long live the forums.
I want you to know. You are going to lose. You are going to lose badly. You’re going to lose badly and it’s going to be awesome.
"Who's getting fisted now, huh?"
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
“All the ponies are dead. But so are you guys. I need a beer.”
Back in black baby
"Up next on our conquest is Philax, a mind flayer whose tentacles are so strong he can walk on them. This terrifies me."
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
“What’s the deal with this brothel? It’s got everyone acting crazy.”
(later)
”Dear god! THEY’RE ALL BARDS!”
Bard: "Well hey, if it ain't broke, then break it!"
Fighter: "That's not.... never mind."
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
me to the warlock: do you have eldritch blast?
Warlock: Of course I do! What kind of warlock doesn't have eldritch blast?
Rouge: A dead one.
DM: You see a giant *ss (VERY NOTICABLE PAUSE) platform.
Me: WAIT A MINUTE HOLD ON ARE THOSE TWO SEPARATE THINGS?
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it.
Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks.
MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Don't even TRY to argue with me about Star Wars.
"I threaten the child."
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it.
Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks.
MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Don't even TRY to argue with me about Star Wars.
Fighter: "Gah! I think my leg is broken. Is there anyone who can heal me?"
Paladin-Monk: "Allow me. I'll use my Lay on Hands to heal your wounds. *cracks knuckles* HI-"
Fighter: "NOOOO-"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
Heh...one of my Paladins flavored their "Lay on Hands" as a souped-up defibrillator...they'd rub their hands together until lightning crackled, and shouted "CLEAR" before..."healing"...their allies.