Underwater.

i can swimmm!

In the sky, uh oh now your falling.

I own a dog.

It eats you.

i have a Yule Cat and can control it from any distance no matter what, with no downsides, ifs, or buts.

It is also your imaginary friend.

I can decide if I want to own Pizza Hut, best of all they don’t burn the pizzas.

They freeze it instead.

i have a real Yule Cat that i can control from any distance with no downsides, ifs, or buts.

and the control runs out after 1.034 seconds. The only way to get the control back is by killing the Yule Cat. 

 I can make melted ice cream revert to its perfect, icy state. 

It’s too perfect to eat.

I can become a Yule Cat with no repercussions or effects to my intelligence, for any amount of time, and back and vice versa at will.

You are a cat. And a very large one. This means that the sadistic attitudes of the cat are also very large, and you collapse into a black hole of cat feelings. You die.

I can summon grizzly bears to throw at my enemies.

Who can throw them right back...

I can summon a giant death robot at will to stomp on my enemies.

Sadly you are classified as an enemy, whoops.

I can unfreeze my pool in the middle of winter. (Even though it doesn’t freeze.)

Not really a power if the pool isn't frozen in the first place...

I am the god of beavers.

That means you are the god of an ancient species of burrowing rodent that have homes called devil’s corkscrews. Without followers, you die.

i am the god of fiction

You are FICTIONALLY the god of fiction.

I am a being immune to having flawed powers.

As long as you have this power, you no powers, as all powers are flawed, thus rendering you normal.

I can create chocolate milkshakes at will and be able to eat them.

You create them in your stomach, thus "eating" them, but they are as hot as the core of the sun, and kill you instantly.

I am a gun

Only after you spend 1000 dollars

I transform into doge. Much wow.

And your int score is -83979. 

I can tell by just looking at someone if they are attracted to me or not. 

Thats because you always know the answer: Everyone is. And they won’t leave you alone.

i can swallow and eat anything with no repercussions, as if my stomach was an extra dimensional space.

And every time you open your mouth, everything within 1 mile is sucked in. 

I can't die or be sad. 

Granted! You become terminally emotionless and loose your motivation in the world. And you can’t die, so…..

i can blood bend.