Strange wish, I do things but twist them in such a way that they are things I want to do

I wish for my life to not go wrong in any way and for Kliff to actually be a gelatinous cube cause that would be cool.

granted you have a terrible life with immortality and kliff is a gelatinous cube that hates you

i wish using the lamp to make me a rock that is huge 1 mile away and not me turning into it

You get a rock I mile away with the words "And not me turning into it" inscribed on its face. A testimonial to the fact that wishes don't always come true and childhood dreams are the greatest thing to happen.

I wish for my magic lamp back thank you.

you get the back of your magic lamp with thank you written on you

i wish wishes always come true

Granted, wishes always come true but childhood dreams will no longer be a thing, therefore you now have nothing to wish for.

I wish I could draw amazingly well.

wishes always come true, but they always kill you as the wish is granted.

I wish geese, swans, and wasps were nice and not stupidly aggressive.

you can draw amazingly well to you but not to anyone else, to everyone else you draw so bad everyone who sees it hates you

i wish for childhood dreams

(that's me right now)

You get childhood dreams, and oh what a wonderful thing it is. But due to this you have to work for it and your hopes start to die away.

I wish for my own little universe when I die

you get it but  it is so tiny you are in eternal pain

i wish for hopes

You get hopes, now you can hope that things will happen but you lose ability.

I wish for a word that rhymes with orange

door hinge

i wish for ability without losing anything

You get ability, you have ability, childhood dreams, wishes and hopes. Congratulations, you're normal, just like the rest of us.

I wish I had the brains to do that again

granted nothing happens

i wish this wish never existed

Done you create a paradox, wishing for a wish to wish that a wish never existed causes the wish to not be wished out of existence which causes the wish to wish itself to begone which wishes the wish to stay and wished the wish to not be there, so now there is a paradoxical equation in time and space causing a shift which kills thewisher and powers Norway for a year. 

I wish I was normal 

granted you are now a commoner but in faerun

i wish i was a level 20 adventurer in faerun

Granted, but you get killed from unknown causes by a commoner in faerun

I wish for a pet squirrel 

you get it but it has rabies and bites you, your family and everyone it sees and you get arrested and put in a jail with no hospital

i wish the commoner dies

Due to skyrim logic the NPC is important for some quest and doesn't die

I wish to get 666 on the thread count as high as possible until staff/moderator posts

the wish granter takes that wish

i wish to steal it from the wish granter

You are the wish granter...

I wish that people who steal go to florida