Quote from Drallop12 >>

Granted! But now you second the Mercer effect and your inbox is full of new Dms looking for advice.

 

I wish that I had infinite castings of Wish

 Granted. All your wishes are on this thread.

I wish for you to have good SPaG.

Granted, but what is Spag?

I wish for spicy nachos

Granted. Those spicy nachos are delicious. Your butthole will burn with the intensity of 10,000 suns in about an hour though.

I wish I wasn't so ugly.

Granted. Your Inner Beauty is incomparable, yet you still look like a train-wreck.

I wish to have a child

Granted, that child will make Chuckie look like an innocent baby. You'll be lucky if you can get 5 minutes without this devil-child getting into some kind of serious trouble.

I wish I could hear the thoughts of others, when I wanted to.

Granted. You now have a remote that pops up other people thoughts like subtitles, but it is written in dead languages only.

I wish to have the powers of both Death and Life

Granted. Everyone and everything you touch dies painfully, you can also occasionally make a life, each one must be unique from another and they will be ungrateful for the gift. 

I wish an off-shore, untraceable bank account transferred me $9,900 a month. 

Granted. You get your money but it's all Monopoly money. 

I wish to be able to comprehend and speak every language (Real and Fake) known

Granted. Your mouth and ears fuse shut, though.

I wish for the next poster to have happiness.

Motivational posters are being created all across the world, with great typos just like yours, mister "Cult of Grammar". All of these are sickeningly cheerful.

I wish to revoke Halfastbracegirdle to have his or her membership in the Cult of Grammar revoked.

Granted. He is given leadership instead. (I was misinterpreted. I want people to suffer and happiness posters are a good way to do that).

I wish for someone to properly interpret my posts. 

You find a post interpreter who costs 20 dollars per post.

I wish for a blade of disaster

Granted. Your blade of disaster comes with a Kids meal and fries, also is only 5 inches tall and made out of plastic.

I wish to become a famous author

Granted! The cost of your fame is your emotions. You can no longer be happy, sad, angry, afraid, or do dramatic readings.

I wish for safety

Granted. Your safe and sound; however, it's via solitary confinement 

I wish to  go to Narnia

Granted, Narnia was destroyed by climate change many years ago. The snow is gone, temperatures have skyrocketed, many of the creatures are sick and dying from diseases that were frozen in the ice caps, and released on the world when they melted. 

I wish I had a button I could click for some instant inspiration to write and clear all writer's block. 

Granted. The inspiration is leads you to write until the day you kill over, falling to finish your book

I wish to be a new-canon Disney Prince

Granted. You are a live-action Disney princess and everyone hates your movie. 

I wish I could sing with perfect pitch. 

Granted. But everyone believes you are either lip-synching or using auto-tune.

I wish to be an animagus

Wish Granted. J. K. Rowling puts you in a new, awful book as an animagus that totally ruins the Harry Potter series. You gain no actual powers.

I wish for a cow.