Twist the Wish

Granted. You get immunity to poison damage, but everyone stops using things that do poison damage.

I wish for Lord_Master_T to be transported to Mars and he's the only person or animal transported there.

But not mineral or vegetable.

I wish for more art skill, please.

Granted, you get more art skill, but only in drawing chairs.

I wish to be instantaneously transported to Elysium.

Granted, you instantaneously die.

I wish for two wishes.

Granted, you wish for two wishes, which have both already been wished. Sorry.

I wish to be immune to loophole damage.

Granted! Your shoelaces will never again end up in a square knot.

I wish for an end to procrastination.

Your wish is granted! You think this is a great boon, but then you can only say what is on your mind now, infuriating everyone.

I wish for summer to be hotter.

Granted, it now melts the entire world. Congrats

I wish to be immune to logic loopholes.

Granted. It turns out logic is not a thing, and therefore nothing happens.

I wish for a can of soda

Granted, However it has also been shaken up at mach 20, probably shouldn't open that.

I want a death ray

Granted, you now have a dead sting ray.

I wish to be able to destroy my enemies.

Granted. You can now destroy anything named "My enemies"

I wish for Lord_Master_T to stop hating my D&D characters when we play together.

Granted, he now abhors them.

I wish to be indestructible.

Granted. You are now trapped within a sweltering mound of living flesh known as the "Destructible". Essentially, you are in destructible.

I wish I wasn't gaslighted so often, gaslight not being defined as 'being lit on fire' or 'drowned in gas.'

Granted, you no longer get turned into a gas lamp as often. Which was not often at all. Good for you!

I wish to explode.

Granted, however it is a small explosion that only succeeds in blowing of a finger.

I want a large, fire-breathing, chicken that is my friend and is immortal (Twist that :>)

Ok, but the chicken have to eat, previously, a chili pepper ( plus MUST spend an action in swimming on a pool of blood ) to Fire-breathing.

I need you to crack a Tiamat's egg.

Granted, one of Tiamat's eggs crack... because it's hatching.

I wish to permanently kill Tiamat, the Scale Tyrant.

Granted, However you are slaughtered by her cult which then bring her back.

Quote from Lord_Master_T >>

Granted, However you are slaughtered by her cult which then bring her back.

 Joke's on you, I said "permanently."

I wish to be brought back to life with permanent immunity to all damage, disease, poison, and aging.